Is it normal i let my boyfriend have sex with me even when i'm not in the mood?

77% Normal
25 Comments

The way I see it, he's always there for me emotionally. He listens to me when I have problems, he spends hours talking with me, going shopping with me, all those little things that make me happy.

So, when he is horny, I never refuse. If I'm not in the mood to begin with, we usually try some foreplay to try and get me to enjoy it too. That doesn't always work, and sometimes i'm flat out not even in the mood to try with foreplay.

In that case, I just lube up a bit and let him fuck me. He doesn't want me to "put on a show" so I don't pretend. I just lay down and let him have his way with me, basically a masturbation session using my vagina.
(To clarify that: Sometimes I also go on top and stuff...it really varies between active myself and wooden board, depending on personal circumstances)
He knows it does nothing for me, but insists its still so much better than jerking off, and I honestly don't mind if thats all it takes to make him happy.
He hurries up then since he can focus all on himself, and there's no need to wait on me, so usually the whole thing including cleaning myself is over in about 10 minutes unless we've been drinking. While not exactly the most convenient feeling, despite the lube, I can easily endure that...

So as said, I don't really mind. But recently, the topic of "What to do if your man wants sex and you're not in the mood?" came up at my workplace, and when I explained that I don't mind, my coworkers were shocked.
The reactions ranged from I'm degrading myself to I'm sabotaging equality for all of womankind.
Rather extreme, in my eyes.

Also, another coworker suggested she gets her husband to settle for a blowjob instead. While I don't really mind that, I believe if I am not in the mood for either, I prefer him to fuck me...just laying down and having some time to think about stuff seems more desirable than actively doing a sexual action I am not interested in at the time and putting feeling into that.

How do you see that? Is that really so weird?
If you're willing to comment and explain, that would be great.

Voting Results
77% Normal
Based on 30 votes (23 yes)
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Comments ( 25 )
  • howaminotmyself
    10 years ago | pl

    As long as you enjoy it sometimes I don't see the issue. I hate those women who use sex as a way to control their partner. Dont deprive your partner of sex just because you're mad at them. A friend once got into a heated debate with my husband and deprived him of sex on his birthday because he didn't jump to her defense. He wasn't even a part of the conversation. Now that's stupid.

    I don't always have to be in the mood to be willing to have sex. I am happy to please my husband even if I get nothing out of it. He usually returns the favor on another day. I see nothing degrading about it. Taking care of each other's needs is a sign of a healthy relationship. I too prefer a quicky over putting effort into a blow job. If I'm not in the mood for sex, I'm really not in the mood to give oral and to try would just be annoying. Unless I don't feel well, he can use my body as he wants. Also, it really isn't anyone's business.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thank you a lot for your supportative answer.
      Oh, and I definitely do enjoy it more often than not- ;) sometimes I even enjoy it "multiple" times, if you catch my drift.

      I am glad to hear you just about see things the same way I do, thereby fulfilling the true purpose of this website.
      *smile*(of making me not feel strange and alone)

      I really felt a bit weirded out since all the woman I usually hang around with were thinking along the lines written above.
      That the man only "gets it" when they are in the mood too. I think they don't even see it as a kind of control, only in a somewhat selfish way as sexuality is kind of a touchy subject for many people, and girls are taught(from parents and society) from a young age "not to give it up easily" or else they're sluts, or worse.(not that I agree with that, but it may affect the way they think about sex in general)

      One also said she did it seldomly in a past relationship when the guy had a way higher sexual appetite than she does, but it's just too revolting and inconvenient to endure.

      Now, i know we are not all "equal" down there. May i ask how that feels for you? Like, physically? Because i was considering that maybe that also plays into how people see it-
      With the lube, it's just a minor inconvenience to me, not painful or something.
      Rather akin to a slight itch on my nose that I can't scratch. Like, sure it would feel better without, but it's not so bad i have to throw a tantrum about it.

      Either way, again, thanks!

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    • RomeoDeMontague
      10 years ago

      I agree with this here.

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    • Anime7
      10 years ago

      I've never wanted to thumb something a million times so badly. This was perfectly written and a really good stance on the issue.

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    • kelili
      10 years ago

      Exactly what I wanted to say. Sometimes I'm not in the mood but still have sex too.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I can understand why your colleagues said that you're "degrading" yourself. I'm sure you must be aware of the sexual attention that girls get. And you must also be aware that this attention is for sex only, that many men see women as only good enough to fuck, not good enough to work with or study with or anything on the same intellectual level.

    Women have to fight for even an equal footing in life, let alone be respected as better at some things. Women have literally died for that. You can look up 'suffrage' and the suffragettes on google. You can read about how women died and were tortured so that they could have just one of the same rights that men have.

    Women have trouble being rewarded for the same work as men. Women are paid less and limited in promotion opportunities. And all the rest. So, some women feel that whatever power they might have over men, they should keep and use.

    But the context is king here.

    You are doing this for your guy. For one guy. He gives as well as takes. And what you're doing is compromising. That's normal in a relationship. A relationship can only last if both people compromise.

    I thing there's something about this situation that makes some girls uneasy, and makes some guys see you as fuck meat. I have to admit, one thought that entered my mind was 'I wish I could use a girl (or two) like that'.

    And that's where the type of relationship you have with your guy is important, I think. I think it's difficult to judge whether he really respects you. That's something only you know. And if you really know that he respects you (even if you do him some sexual favours sometimes), then what you're doing is ok.

    Then it's really only about who you tell.

    I hope that helps. It's just. well, it's a complicated situation, and not one that everybody can understand. But I really think the only way you can judge if this is ok, is if you know that he respects you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thank you for that elaborate answer.

      However, I have to say that in my eyes many relationships will end up asymetric due to differing needs.

      For example, we talk a lot. But mostly about stuff I bring up. If there was some problem at work, or some interesting gossip about mutual friends, whatever. He hears me out, he laughs with me, he comforts me.

      I know it's not always easy for him at work either, but it's just not in his personality to come complain about it.

      So in general terms, he's serving as a kind of "emotional ashtray" for me, and I'll gladly serve as a kind of "fuck meat" for him.
      Operative keywords "for him", not as a general idea.

      I'm pretty certain he respects me, if not, I could not love him so much. Matter of fact, I doubt I could be in a happy relationship with a guy who's respect for me depends on my limited sexual willingness, rather than on my personality.

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    • ifonlyuknew247
      10 years ago

      ^ Bravo!! ^

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  • NotStrangeBird
    10 years ago

    The world needs more women like you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Haha, we'll be working on that starting next year.
      Hold your thumbs we'll get a baby girl, and I'll make sure she grows up into a liberal woman more concerned with herself and the people close to her than with societal norms and standards.

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  • dirtybirdy
    10 years ago

    Sometimes. It also depends on what other type of mood I'm in.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    It's not only normal, but should be expected :)

    Regardless of our own mood at the time, I've taken careof my wife's needs as often as she has mine...over the course of a 25 year marraige.

    ..it goes both ways.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      I take it that selfless love is lost on this generation?

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      ...that got voted down? Why? *eyeroll...yet another mystery in the drama of IIN

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      • charli.m
        10 years ago

        Fixed it for you :)

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        • [Old Memory]
          10 years ago

          Haha..thanks, but somebody doubled down on it. No biggie. I just sometimes wonder why.

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          • Anonymous Post Author
            10 years ago

            I helped out again. No idea why somebody would downvote this. Really, some people seem weird about the voting system.

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  • baronroderick
    10 years ago

    Everybody, man or woman, does that sometimes. There's nothing wrong with pleasing your man when you're not in the mood, and he's a prince for being not "offended" by that.

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  • TheProph
    10 years ago

    I don't know if it's normal, but it sure is great. I need to find a girl like that.

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  • annabell
    10 years ago

    I think it's a bit much for coworkers to ask personal questions like that. It's sexual harassment in the work place. The person who asked that should get sacked.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thats going a bit far.
      It was 6 women, all straight, hanging out for lunches and breaks together, talking about everything from daily events to politics, from hollywood gossip to personal problems.
      It was just one topic among many over a long time, but the extreme reaction they had to it irritated me.

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    You can't fuck or suck when you are dead. Nuff said!

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  • BlueLove
    10 years ago

    Just wondering, could this be considered rape? When someone insinuates not being in the mood for sex, that's usually accountable as rape. To me it sounds like you're obliged to have sex with him because you feel he is a great guy.

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    • RomeoDeMontague
      10 years ago

      Its not rape. The Op said she was not in the mood she did not say not willing. She is doing something she does not feel like but will bare it for the sake of her lover. Rape means he forced her even when she would object to it. If he simply asked and she said "Sure but im not in the mood so hurry up" that is her being willing to please her husband even if she is not in the mood. Unless its S&M type thing in which the person on bottom wants to be forced but might only want this attention from certien type of people.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        10 years ago

        Thanks for clearing that up.

        Yeah, the difference is that I am willing to do that, despite not feeling like it, but without being forced.

        Let me give you another example:
        Do you go to work to earn money and pay the rent?
        Would you rather stay at home and read a book/play games/spend time with friends?
        Do the expected answers to those 2 questions mean your job amounts to slavery?

        Yeah, i said I never refuse. Point being I COULD. For example, if I'm down with a fever and pounding headache. But my boyfriend is considerate enough/has enough common sense in such situations to ask me what I need rather than for a quickie.

        And unless it's something serious like that, with the words of howaminotmyself, he's welcome to use my body as he wants. Voluntarily so.

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