You have to realize, first, that you're treating yourself cruelly. You spend a lot of time thinking about how you treat others and trying to be a good person. Why would you exempt yourself from your own empathy and care? You deserve to be loved by everyone including yourself.
The good news is, you won't always feel this way about yourself. Depression and anxiety often compound the doubts we have about ourselves and they go from slight preoccupations, to obsessions, to total hatred and repulsion of the self. You seem like you might be a young person, and it's VERY normal for young people to feel this way. You might not be used to your adult body or your adult mind yet. It takes time to settle it: years.
So much of what you've said are things I used to think and feel when I was younger. I used to hate seeing pictures of myself and feel horrible about subjecting others to the sight of my own face. I didn't feel like I was good enough in any way, or deserving of happiness or success. I thought that my life was some kind of punishment for something I'd done wrong. And then one day I realized that I needed to accept the challenges in my life as conditions of my future successes. Life isn't supposed to be easy or fair. Conquering life's hurtles is what makes it all worth it. One day it hit me how lucky I was. I was lucky I had a good family. I was lucky I was, for the most part, healthy, and I was lucky my life WASN'T easy. I didn't want an easy ride anymore.
Before you can truly appreciate yourself and your life, you have to be an important part of other lives. Ignore the self for while, and just focus on others. Don't look in the mirror. Don't fixate on food or clothes or any of that. Forget that your outside even matters. BE the person you are on the inside, and let it shine out so strongly it blocks out your insecurities even in the eyes of others.
And you know what? One day, you'll come to realize that you love yourself, when you least expect it. You'll be proud of the person you are, and love every single thing that makes you unique physically and mentally. You'll begin to see yourself the way those who love you see you; as beautiful, and perfect, and deserving of love. You'll realize you don't really want to change what makes you who you are.
With this realization comes true confidence, but it takes years, I'm not gonna lie. You probably don't believe me now, but at least give it a try. Live to serve and to protect for a bit (: Think of the ways you can do good in the wider world as well. The bigger your future impact, the less your past will matter to you and to the world. Appreciate the beauty and wonder of the world and what you DO have daily, and one day you'll feel more 'blessed' than some people who have won the lottery. People will wish they were as happy as you, and you can tell them how to be.
Thanks so much for the reply, i took lots away from it - when im in the outdoors or even at music festivals and im much more free and there are no mirrors around - those are the times im at my most confident. I will try and forget my 'outside' and even be happy my life isn't easy (who's is!).
I think your idea of spending more time outside is a great one. When we're indoors, the subconscious feels physically encased by society's rules and standards, but outside of the confines of humanity, in nature, we feel free and individual, as we're supposed to feel. It's too bad mirrors were ever invented in a way, because from the first time we peer into one our own physical appearance will forever be part of our self-image and affect our self esteem. Suddenly, we're not just "who" we are, we're "what" we are physically too. It's like our personality splits in two, and there's a new version of the self created, one that observes from the outside and judges us.
When we're away from mirrors and cameras and hair products for a while, we begin to revert to our infantile self-image, at least in momentary bouts. I think it's really healthy to just let go and play and leave behind self-consciousness sometimes. I think before kids develop self-consciousness they feel more like they ARE the world rather than just an observer of it. That's why they act so freely, or to adults rather foolishly/randomly. They aren't mindful of how they come off to others, they're just out there enjoying the world outside of the self.
IIN I feel like I have a billion things wrong with me?
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You have to realize, first, that you're treating yourself cruelly. You spend a lot of time thinking about how you treat others and trying to be a good person. Why would you exempt yourself from your own empathy and care? You deserve to be loved by everyone including yourself.
The good news is, you won't always feel this way about yourself. Depression and anxiety often compound the doubts we have about ourselves and they go from slight preoccupations, to obsessions, to total hatred and repulsion of the self. You seem like you might be a young person, and it's VERY normal for young people to feel this way. You might not be used to your adult body or your adult mind yet. It takes time to settle it: years.
So much of what you've said are things I used to think and feel when I was younger. I used to hate seeing pictures of myself and feel horrible about subjecting others to the sight of my own face. I didn't feel like I was good enough in any way, or deserving of happiness or success. I thought that my life was some kind of punishment for something I'd done wrong. And then one day I realized that I needed to accept the challenges in my life as conditions of my future successes. Life isn't supposed to be easy or fair. Conquering life's hurtles is what makes it all worth it. One day it hit me how lucky I was. I was lucky I had a good family. I was lucky I was, for the most part, healthy, and I was lucky my life WASN'T easy. I didn't want an easy ride anymore.
Before you can truly appreciate yourself and your life, you have to be an important part of other lives. Ignore the self for while, and just focus on others. Don't look in the mirror. Don't fixate on food or clothes or any of that. Forget that your outside even matters. BE the person you are on the inside, and let it shine out so strongly it blocks out your insecurities even in the eyes of others.
And you know what? One day, you'll come to realize that you love yourself, when you least expect it. You'll be proud of the person you are, and love every single thing that makes you unique physically and mentally. You'll begin to see yourself the way those who love you see you; as beautiful, and perfect, and deserving of love. You'll realize you don't really want to change what makes you who you are.
With this realization comes true confidence, but it takes years, I'm not gonna lie. You probably don't believe me now, but at least give it a try. Live to serve and to protect for a bit (: Think of the ways you can do good in the wider world as well. The bigger your future impact, the less your past will matter to you and to the world. Appreciate the beauty and wonder of the world and what you DO have daily, and one day you'll feel more 'blessed' than some people who have won the lottery. People will wish they were as happy as you, and you can tell them how to be.
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bluegreenpink
8 years ago
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Thanks so much for the reply, i took lots away from it - when im in the outdoors or even at music festivals and im much more free and there are no mirrors around - those are the times im at my most confident. I will try and forget my 'outside' and even be happy my life isn't easy (who's is!).
--
Koda
8 years ago
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You're welcome. I'm happy to help :)
I think your idea of spending more time outside is a great one. When we're indoors, the subconscious feels physically encased by society's rules and standards, but outside of the confines of humanity, in nature, we feel free and individual, as we're supposed to feel. It's too bad mirrors were ever invented in a way, because from the first time we peer into one our own physical appearance will forever be part of our self-image and affect our self esteem. Suddenly, we're not just "who" we are, we're "what" we are physically too. It's like our personality splits in two, and there's a new version of the self created, one that observes from the outside and judges us.
When we're away from mirrors and cameras and hair products for a while, we begin to revert to our infantile self-image, at least in momentary bouts. I think it's really healthy to just let go and play and leave behind self-consciousness sometimes. I think before kids develop self-consciousness they feel more like they ARE the world rather than just an observer of it. That's why they act so freely, or to adults rather foolishly/randomly. They aren't mindful of how they come off to others, they're just out there enjoying the world outside of the self.
I hope you're doing OK :)