Is it normal i care so much about appearance

I try very hard to be attractive but I know I am regardless. I get harrased sexually a lot even when I look like a mess so its clear I am.

I try hard to appear freindly, likable and sociol but I find having to be in front of crowds a burden. I tend to try to remain lowkey but stay on everybodies good side.

People sometimes accuse me of being a teachers pet and a kiss up. Im often well liked by athority figures and know how to stroke everyones ego. My biggest fear is looking bad as I realize the entire world is based on impressions and appearance.

Despite this im super eccentric in my mannerisms and appearance as I am often living up to a persona. I know deep down im a horrible person and I try my best to hide it by being flawless.

I am not ashamed of my own vanity and if poeple ask ill say "of course im beautiful, nothing to be ashamed of". People oftem tease me becuase im always in the mirror admiring myself.

I mean its hard not to. I have few people I am attached to. Most abuse from other people barely registers in my mind. Punishment doesnt either as I know if I mess up ill get it and accept my fate.

I try hard not to though as getting in trouble ruins my perfect record and makes me appear not as flawless. A person with flaw is garbage and I was taught this long ago. As any flaw or mistake was met with beatings, mockery and ridicule.

Voting Results
60% Normal
Based on 10 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • sydslytherin

    For being so superficial, you sound really deep, which I think is your problem. Deep down you don’t like who you are, but on the surface you love yourself. I totally get that. I admire myself in the mirror all the time and people don’t even compliment anymore because they say I look good too often. I absolutely love it. But at one point I didn’t realize that I could be deep and shallow at the same time, which seems to be your predicament.

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    • How do you mean?

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      • sydslytherin

        How do I mean what?

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  • nikkiclaire

    Ah the isolation and loneliness of the dark heart of vanity.

    Superficial means surface, which is what you are experiencing. Ok on the outside, a hot mess on the inside.

    Try life from the other way around. Build your inner glow until it radiates outwards. That's truelly the only way to live.

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  • Attractive means sexually attractive. There is no other form of attractiveness than sexual attractiveness. You should focus more on other aspects, such as education, since it is more precious than aspect. Also the entire world is not based on impressions and appearance. You seem to be in a very superficial side of the world and you should get out of there. Also, it is not normal to get beaten under any circumstance, so you should stop exposing yourself to that kind of violence at all costs.

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