Is it normal i cant figure out my feelings or sexuality?

I've had one big love and it was in high school. After it ended with him I began questioning my sexuality. I then met a new guy and it didnt last,after we broke up we hung out and he used to "joke" with me that i'm a lesbian even my mom has suggested to me that maybe i'm more into women...

I've had 3 crushes on women, not counting celebrities. It never feels right to kiss a man even if it's one I am attracted to and he kisses me I just feel kinda "ew" and then I start losing interest romantically. This even happened with my ex but I stayed and tried to fight it. With my first love it didnt happen, hes the exception.

I have a hard time getting close to other women tho. They seem so hard to talk to it's like they talk a different language it also seems when I do get along with one eventually the feelings change to more than friendship for me... 😶

I only have male friends. I love them they are the coolest dudes I can talk to them about anything. I have tried to fall in love with 2 of them but I felt nothing. It felt for me so forced and wrong like with all other men.

I feel melancholic tho when I think of possibly being into women. In my mind I all my life have romanticized the norm traditional man-woman relationship and wanted it.

Can anyone relate to this? I am in my mid 20s almost.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 13 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • All I can say is, if its meant to be, it'll be.

    I'm pan so I dont think gender really matters at all, when you find the right person, you'll know :)

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  • I'm recently finding myself attracted to a woman who messaged me on a rather adult website. Conflicted feelings since I'm only really into men. All my experiences all my stories everything with men. So yea I can relate. Its a crazy thing all around.

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  • I can very much relate!

    Still figuring things out in my 30s.

    I know so far I'm aro, non-binary, bi (And very much don't identify as pan although I'm starting to wonder if I could be) and have a different understanding as to what "platonic" is from everyone else as far as I can tell.

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  • Labels are overrated :) Just date who you want and be happy. You may find your preferences later on, after you experiment.

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  • For me it changed with the person, my phase in life and my mood. I'm often attracted to women but when the RIGHT man shows up all the gayness in me vanishes and all I want is men, men, men.

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  • Maybe the first guy set the standard and no other man you've met has reached or exceeded that standard. You've had a crush on women but have you engaged in sexual acts with one?

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    • The first guy was a douchebag I could never trust who always promised change but never treated me any better so hardly.
      He was cute though and I was a teenager who'd never even dated before or knew anything about love.
      No I havent it's impossible to find bi or lesbian women easily especially when you dont live in a big city but i've wanted to try

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  • It's easier to have feelings for women and see them this way if you feel apart from them. And you have said that you find it hard to talk to them. But feeling like 'one of the girls' can change the perspective so you don't really fetishize other women. I get it, women are objectively more beautiful and interesting to look at, but feeling a certain way will not change who you are. Those feelings are already there. If you label yourself, you're the same person. And if you don't feel like a normal woman, you may find it hard to imagine yourself as 'the woman' in a straight relationship.

    I promise, you'll feel a lot happier if you don't put a label on it, and just accept that you have homosexual feelings from time to time. You can still like men :)

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    • That's possible I guess. I wouldn't say that I fetishize other women though I don't think i've ever done that.

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  • I think you may be 70% bisexual.

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  • Yeah, same here. I'm more attracted to typically feminine traits, but I'd rather have a traditional relationship with a man. plus, it seems really rare to find attractive & feminine lesbians lol...

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    • I agree it's difficult. I've seen attractive lesbians or bi-women "out in the wild" but never on dating apps and those who are on there haven't been active in years. I dont know why they're never on the apps. I guess you have to be lucky and meet someone in real life

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