Is it normal i can't see if their pupils get dilated when chatting up women?

69% Normal
18 Comments

OK I always hear that if a woman is interested while talking to a man her pupils will dilate.

My problem is I can't tell when anyone's pupils dilate, I mean never. Only way would be to literally be right up against her eyes from about 3 inches with a magnifying glass. This is even weirder because I am far-sighted. But even before I started using reading glasses I still couldn't tell either.

BTW I am not colorblind, I have a very good sense of color for a man, better than most, so it's not that; and I see well in the dark, so it's not a light issue. If anything I am very sensitive to sunlight, but this happens both indoors and out, so it's not that either.

In addition I am a little shy (just with a woman I am interested in, not in any other circumstance) and am afraid that direct staring will send out the "stalker alert" signal, so I guess I don't look as hard into anyone's eyes as much as some might, or I look for a lesser time than you might expect.

Also: I can't really be friendly and look too, I have to choose either interacting or doing a 'science experiment', i.e. looking. But even if I shut up completely and stop interacting, I still can't tell. I never can tell in movies either, except when someone is acting mad and their pupils constrict, then I can see that.

Is this normal or am I doomed?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 18 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • tonometer4321
    11 years ago | pl

    I wouldn't use this as your tell tale sign if a woman is interested in you or not.. I'd say if she laughs at everything you say thats a way better way

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago | pl

      Again, we just met, we don't even know each other; I'm trying to gauge if she is interested to continue talking.

      Why is everyone so clueless?

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      • charli.m
        10 years ago | pl

        This answer WAS applicable to a first conversation. And it means you don't end up staring creepily into her eyes. Yes, the pupil dilation thing is meant to indicate attraction apparently, but overall body language is a better and less subtle indicator. Personally, I'd be backing away if a guy I'd just met was staring too intensely into my eyes.

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      • tonometer4321
        10 years ago | pl

        Maybe next time you're in the situation try opening your stance and taking a small step forward (not so obvious) and watch her body language.. If she slightly turns away and takes a small step back she's prob not interested..

        Also, try to smile a lot. She'll probably give you a chance you should just go for it

        I'd hate for poor lighting or effects of alcohol/etc to make you miss your shot!

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago | pl

          Oh and a late thought: surveys show that, unlike what most people think, women prefer men who do not smile overly, they seem to need a man who is kind of hard to figure. The overly-smiley men are perceived as too feminine.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago | pl

          I have the body language down, but basically if she's not walking away, heads down, glaring at me or crossing her arms I will hang in a bit longer....

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago | pl

    just ask her "i have something dilated do you?" then stare close cause her eyes will be wide open

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago | pl

    Didn't read all the comments but trying to see if a girl's pupils are dilated is a really stupid way to try to find out if she likes you.

    Flirt with her, if she flirts back or smiles at you and gets all giddy, she likes you.

    If she acts like she doesn't want to talk to you or is acting non fun, not smiling, she most likely doesn't like you.

    Girls are like an open book, they generally aren't hiding if they like you.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago | pl

    Ask her about herself to find where you have common ground. Once you have something in which you're mutually interested to talk about, you can relate experiences about stuff with humorous stories to make your opinions seem credible and your personality more interesting. Once you think you have this accomplished, then you look for body language and pupil dilation for signs of interest. At this point in the conversation either her attraction will be evident or it wont be. Subconsciously you'll know, its evolutionary psychology

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  • q25t
    10 years ago | pl

    If you're really insistent about this eye thing, I have a suggestion. Mention she has beautiful eyes and presto! You have a reason to stare into her eyes a bit more obviously than before.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago | pl

      Hate to break it to you but one common complaint from women is that men compliment them on their bodies before they have known each other and have gone out a few times.
      The compliments that work early on are something about her character, empathy or personality, or achievements at work (if she has brought them up). I even have a colleague I've known awhile that says if she just got some new glasses that it would be a creepy thing for a man to compliment them in any way. So getting in soon via compliments is an urban myth that sounds good on paper, but rarely works.

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      • questionablequestions
        10 years ago | pl

        actually. i am a women, and i think its very nice when a guy compliments my eyes

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago | pl

          OK so you're one out of 20 who likes it, and I truly appreciate that; however, the other 19 tell me I'm a sexist pig if I mention anything about their body, as if I'm objectifying them.

          This is why I don't generally compliment anyone, at least not until I've gone out with her 5-6 times, because people can't really distinguish between my sincere motives and the motives that Cosmo et al say all men have (which is frankly sexist propaganda against men, btw). Not worth the trouble, frankly, as the odds are truly against.

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      • q25t
        10 years ago | pl

        Bah! This is what I get from all of my experience coming from the Internet.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago | pl

    If your farts are smelly and she still loves you then i'd say you are in with a chance

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago | pl

      go back to kindergarten, fool

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      • Terence_the_viking
        10 years ago | pl

        Tried that they didn't want me.

        Just so you know she still loved me after smelling my farts so haha to you

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