Is it normal for this to happen in bed?

My boyfriend of a couple months told me last night that we only do the same 2 positions, and he wants to try something new. Okay, I’m fine with that, but I was a virgin before I started dating him. He took my virginity away and I’m not comfortable with doing new things just yet. I told him that and he was like, “well if you never try it you’ll never get comfortable with new things” okay yeah. I agree with that but that doesn’t make it any less scary to me. I’m not his first. Or his second or third. All of this is new to me and I just need someone’s option on the matter. I know he needs to be patient with me but he always wants to do 69 or reverse cowgirl or doggy style. Which we have done reverse cowgirl, I didn’t get anything from it, and doggy feels good but I never finish when we do it. And that’s another thing.. I don’t hardly ever finish, and he knows it bc he will ask if I finish or not, and I’m say no. But he doesn’t help try to help me out...

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  • I've read various statistics, but surveys have found that, at most, only around a quarter of women can consistently reach orgasm with just penis-in-vagina sex. For the majority of women, the position of the clitoris relative to the vagina is such that PIV simply doesn't give the clitoris enough prolonged stimulation to get them to orgasm.

    Making things worse is one of nature's cruel tricks: young guys in their sexual prime can go from soft to ejaculation in just a few minutes, while it's normal for women to require twenty minutes or even more to reach orgasm.

    I guess the reverse cowgirl position is your boyfriend's idea, and that's because he likes looking at your butt? It's one of the worst positions for clitoral stimulation, because there's simply nothing there to rub on. With regular cowgirl, you might be able to move your clitoris on him enough to produce at least a few sparkles.

    Some women adore doggy-style, and lots of guys like it too (the butt thing again). However, while this can provide G-spot stimulation if done correctly, it doesn't provide any direct stimulation of the clitoris - unless you do it yourself (which is perfectly acceptable, by the way).

    I've never been keen on 69. The concept is very sexy, but my experience is that oral sex is best when the giver can concentrate on the receiver, and the receiver can concentrate on what they're getting.

    Two things stand out to me in your OP: you're very inexperienced, and your boyfriend doesn't seem to give a damn if you come or not.

    Even with a considerate and talented lover, inexperienced women often have problems reaching orgasm, and that's often due to crap going on in their heads. They find themselves worrying about how they look, how they sound, if they'll be interrupted, what they should or shouldn't be doing, or a million other things. In other words, they're too much in their heads, rather than in the moment and just feeling.

    From what you say about your guy, I doubt if you'll ever reach that point with him, unless he ups his game considerably. You say he's experienced, but that doesn't mean shit. For all you know, all of the girls he's been with before were left just as unsatisfied as you are now.

    There's an old saying: "A good man never comes first." It sounds like your boyfriend is such an immature, selfish clot that this concept is completely alien to him.

    You say you don't want to try new positions just yet, but I don't quite see your logic here. From what you say, it seems that what you're doing now just ain't all that great for you, so it would only be sensible for you to try other things.

    One of those things might be a different boyfriend who's actually interested in giving you pleasure, and less focused on staring at your butt as he bangs away like a deranged monkey.

    If you want to think about other positions, the website below has a huge range. Some are ridiculous, some involve the risk of serious injury, and some are suitable only for professional athletes, but there are also some good ones.

    https://sexinfo101.com/positions

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  • Try using a strap on dildo and putting it in his butt

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  • I would say that in this case, new positions just might be advantageous for you. This way, by exploring different positions, you can figure out what works best for you to help you reach orgasm. Instead of reverse cowgirl, try facing him instead of away from him. Try different scissor techniques. Straddle him sitting in a chair. But do not let him pressure you into doing anything you are not comfortable with. Do it when you are ready. But do keep your mind open to the possibility of more advanced techniques. Good luck!

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  • To be fair, I think most young guys are pretty selfish in bed. Not that that's an excuse - he's gotta learn. But I think a lot of them are like that (or maybe just I was....).

    Anyway...try new things. But I think it might be better if the ideas were coming from you, not him.

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  • Only do what you find to be good. He is after sex, not love, leave him.

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    • To be fair you don't know he is only after sex, he may genuinely care and want a steady relationship. He does ask if she finishes, which implies he may actually care what she is getting out of it. She says, 'But he doesn't try to help me out...' but in all fairness to him he probably doesn't have a clue how to help. In my experience men don't have much idea about what makes us tick or what gets us off. He probably thinks that asking if she finishes is showing great concern, about how much he cares that she didn't. It would probably not even enter his head that she might actually want him to try and do something about it, he is only a man after all.

      I said in my earlier comment on this post, she needs to remember whatever happens she is in charge, and she is the most important one in whatever sexual activity they engage in, and I stand by that opinion. However, I am not a complete bitch I don't think it's only about what she finds to be good, she should not do anything she is uncomfortable with (particularly as she is so inexperienced) but it should be about communication and letting him fulfill his desires as well. She should always keep that in mind, just make sure he fulfills them on her terms.

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      • He also might not care and just want to know if she finished to boost his own ego.

        "I made her cum" is a strong thought in a guy who wants to feel like he's a true sex god.

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        • True enough but only the OP can really make that call as we have never met him. But if she follows my earlier advice and is able to tame him (which really isn't that hard as she will be dangling the one thing he really wants ie sex) then it won't really matter about his ego, because she will be the true godess in charge of the situation, leaving his ego entirely in her hands.

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          • Lol, you know to much!

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          • Sigh...I miss having a Goddess in my life...it was a fun time full of collars, cuffs and chains.

            Ahh, memories.

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            • Absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of bondage, but let's not scare the poor girl to death just yet. She's struggling to come to terms with trying a new position never mind being tied up while she's doing it.

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      • Keep his belly full and his balls empty and you don't have to worry.

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      • I agree with your last paragraph, but not the first. No matter how inexperienced he is, he do ask. But then does nothing to help her out. Why did he ask and then disregard it? He could ask her how to help her finish, he must know how to masturbate, or at least ask her how to masturbate her.

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        • I agree with you, of course he should do something about it, but as I said, he is a man, and the fact is most of them just don't. I don't think it's because they don't care, obviously some don't, but even the good ones, most will think asking us if we have cum is enough. They will probably follow up with making a sympathetic noise or pulling a disappointed face for 2 seconds and think that is showing great concern. As for recognising they could actually be part of the solution, that simply doesn't enter their head. Not because they are being selfish but because their brain hasn't actually figured out, that there is a correlation between what they do, and whether or not we cum.

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          • I don't think you should say that about all men, okay, maybe most. From my first time I was always concerned about whether she did cum or not. For me the enjoyment was so good that it was difficult to tell about her experience. I knew that in the beginning I did cum to fast, and could go for a second time within minutes. But every time I had to help her cum the first time while from the second time on she was fine. Sex should be mutual satisfaction, or that is how I see it.

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            • You are obviously a considerate lover and that is great. I never suggested this applied to all men, I did actually say most. Enjoyment is of course the key to all of it and for a lot of women it is not always about the orgasm, but that doesn't mean we never want to have one. I can make love, not reach orgasm and still enjoy it. On the other hand, I have been known to cum first and stop my husband from carrying on before he has finished. The first time I did that to him he was not happy and let me know about it, it's not something I do often, but he has learnt not to make to much fuss if he doesn't want it to happen more frequently. It's just my little way of reminding him who is in charge. I know I am probably being a bitch but that's one of the great advantages of being a woman.

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  • It's definitely worth trying some different positions if what you are doing isn't really working for you. However, you need to remember one thing, you are in charge, so here's what you do.
    1) Find out what he would like to try, that takes verbal communication, apparently something the younger generation find quite challenging without an electronic gadget, nevertheless it is possible.

    2) If you are open to what he wants to try that's good, if not then discuss further, negotiate find something he would like that you are agreeable to.

    3) Here's the clincher, you're happy to do what he wants BUT, you need an orgasm first. Tell him you want oral, if he is happy to do that lie back and enjoy, if he won't go down on you, that's still ok because, you have left room for negotiation, you can agree to him using his fingers to bring you to orgasm, (or anything else you might be agreeable to).

    4) If he does a good job (you will know if he has) you decide what happens next, remember you are in charge, and you have choices.

    a) Give him what he wants.
    b) Thank him, tell him that was lovely, but you really are to tired now to do anything else, but you will try that new position next time.
    c) Give him what he wants, but make him work a bit harder for it. You will think of something.

    5) You base your choice (a,b or c) on how well he behaved (or sometimes choose b, just because it's your prerogative as a woman to be a bitch occasionally)

    6) Whatever you choose you continue to set the pace, occasionally you might even still change your mind before you reach your goal (or his). That's still ok because YOU ARE IN CHARGE.

    7) If he did not do a good job you tell him you are not satisfied, and he needs to keep practicing on you (definitely no one else). Once he can satisfy you go back to number 4.

    Whatever happens always remember
    (A) If you want an orgasm that is the primary concern for BOTH of you. His orgasm is now only a secondary concern.
    (B) If you decide you definitely want an orgasm try to make sure you cum first, unless you are feeling confident you can cum together. Don't forget your orgasm is THE PRIMARY CONCERN, so once you have had it don't be afraid to tell him to stop, even though he might not have cum yet. Obviously don't do this all the time, you want to satisfy him, but the occasional reminder of who is in charge is important from time to time.
    (C) Whatever happens you are ALWAYS in charge.

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    • I agree with much of what you say, and I definitely think you're right about communication.

      Sex can be an astonishing, effortless, perfect melding of minds and bodies, but more often it's awkward and fumbling, particularly when the people are young and lacking in experience and confidence. The OP and her guy clearly do need to talk honestly about sex; she needs to understand what she wants, and he needs to listen, respect what she has to say, and act on it.

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  • If you are not ready then tell him and he doesn't understand that he is wrong for you

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  • I'm in a similar case id say start in the closer of the 2 positions before you go into the new one once you do have a signal for if you are uncomfortable like tapping his leg and if you do that you go back to the original position and another signal to take a break incase it was to much for you to continue

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  • Ok I’m 21, my wife and I have been married for 10 months, and we were virgins when we got married. I’m gonna go on the psychological (and opinionated) perspective here, so don’t judge me too harshly. My wife and I, as I stated, have never been with anyone else before. We are as comfortable as possible in our ‘natural skin’, and we have been since our wedding night. It’s so freeing to know that we are both wholly committed and we are the only people who know about our sex lives. We didn’t have any prior expectations; for instance, when we had sex for the first time, there was no one popping into my head or hers from my past sexual experienses because I hadn’t had any. During our honeymoon we were both completely open, honest, and experimental. We got married knowing we were there for the other person’s benefit, so our sex life started with question after question: “Does that feel good? Are you comfortable with this? Can we try something else?” Now we know what each other likes. And to all you saying “well, he is a guy...” so am I. And if I come first, well damn it, I’m gonna make sure my wife comes too because 1. Sex is best when I serve her needs, not mine. 2. I feel bad! I want her to come. I want her to be fulfilled.

    If your man is not coming to bed with this perspective every time, I’m gonna say he’s having selfish sex, not selfless sex. I am so so so so happy my wife and I waited, so glad that we have a real commitment of marriage, and so thrilled that our sex together is the only sex we’ve ever known. We discover it together.

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  • If you ask me, he sounds like he should've been a bit more patient after you said 'no'. If you do decide to, but then you change your mind when the time comes, don't let him pressure you into it.

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  • well take charge and tellem its yalls nightta call the shots

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