Is it normal for my fiancé to act this way?

So I’ve just recently moved in with my fiancé and his parents. I love his mom, she’s wonderful but his dad is a different story... his dad has cameras around the house! I stay home during the day some days as rn I’m only working part time but I’m the only one at the house besides dogs. And I’m so sick and tired of my every movement and every breath to be recorded. Our dog cannot even walk around the house bc he doesn’t like it when she does and I can’t even let her sneakily play outside our room bc he will throw a bitch fit about it. And I’ve recently started to hide my food in our room bc everyone else always eats everything I buy before I can. And the things I like they don’t keep stocked up. But the killer part is that my fiancé doesn’t want to move out. He says he doesn’t want to move into an apartment or a rent house bc that’s just a waste of money. He doesn’t want to live in a trailer bc “they lose their value as soon as you pull them off the lot.” I told him that if we got a trailer our main worry would be to find some land to put it on and they make beautiful trailers now! But nope. He says he doesn’t want to move out bc he already has so many bills and he doesn’t think we can do it and he doesn’t want us to rush into moving out just to end up broke and not have any money to do anything. I really want to move out but idk what to do...
( I also forgot to mention, my fiancé is 19 and has his own job and his own vehicle, he makes his own money but yet he still has to ask his dad to let him go somewhere. He’s lucky if his dad even lets him stay the night at his big brothers for 2 nights in a row. And when we do stay over we have to be home at the damn crack of dawn bc his daddy says so. It’s so ridiculous! He can’t even ride to town passed a certain time bc his dad doesn’t like it. His dad is a control freak and I can’t stand feeling like I’m trapped)

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Based on 24 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • jethro

    Sounds like you need to cut that tie and move on and find someone else. This will only get worse as time goes on.

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  • Handyman

    It sounds like he will become the same as his dad. You will have to split up and find someone else.

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  • RoseIsabella

    That sounds awful. Don't be in too much of a rush to marry this one, and don't sleep with him without protection. You don't need to marry him until he can be a good provider. So far he's not much of a provider. Whatever you do don't marry him while ya'll are just staying with his folks. Does he have any ambition?

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

    laser pointers wreck digital camera optical sensors

    make it expensive for him to surveil and admit nothin

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  • SkullsNRoses

    Move out. This father is being abusive and controlling and you are NOT obligated to put up with it.

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  • Cuntsiclestick

    This whole thing sounds like a huge mess. It's best for you to break up with this guy before this shit starts to get worse.

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  • SKDM007

    might turn into a fiancEX

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  • LookSomeonesWelding

    If it doesn't feel like home - it's not home.
    Why did you move in?
    Living there doesn't sound healthy for you. Are you able / do you want to move back out to wherever you were before?

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  • einexile

    These people are toxic control freaks. Get the hell out of there.

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  • lilac_llama

    The fact he is fine with it is a huuuuuuuuuuge red flag. I'm not saying break up with him, but I am saying get the fuck out of that house with the dog.

    The fact he isn't willing to even consider moving out is also weird. Sounds like he wants the perks of being married, with the perks of being a child, and that is scary. Move out and show him that it isn't bad to be a grown up.

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  • CDmale4fem

    This is the sort of things that are better discussed BEFORE moving in.
    You are there now, and I would like to say as polite and as LOUD as I can.
    PACK YOUR SHOT AND RUN, AS FAR AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN. Find a room for rent in a house if you need to. Or hell even buying and living in a travel trailer in an RV park. It's obvious your bf can't seem to tell his dad that the Bull shit ended when he turned 18. Although some cultures no matter what ages, the kids will and do listen to the parents. But it sounds more like a after who either was or wishes he was one of those military men with a career full of him demanding respect. But again I would suggest OACK YOUR SHOT AND GO. GRAB YOUR DOG THE DOG TREATS AND DISH. (DON'T FORGET YOUR UNDIES)

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  • lolamanilow77

    look, its obvious you are on apples and this kids on oranges..you shoule be his priority,not daddy,and it sounds like hes nowhere ready to marry you! you clearly have the sense,not him and to be honest it sounds like dads a perv,and probably has cameras you dont know about.. i saw a horror movie like that once, do the only thing and RUN before you disappear in that house!!

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  • SwickDinging

    Just because he doesn't want to move out doesn't mean that you can't.

    If I was you I'd be viewing places tomorrow and out of there ASAP. Let your fiance know the plan and if you really want to you could ask him one last time if he'll move with you. If he doesn't want to then I'd probably just end it there. He sounds quite immature and unusually dependent on his parents for his age, not like a man who is ready to get married. You don't need a man child to look after and you will go insane if his family become your in-laws. Their pushy behaviour won't get better and you'll be stuck with it because you married into it.

    If you don't feel you can afford to move out on your own then have a look at house share with a roommate - those are usually very affordable as long as you look in cheaper areas.

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  • Boojum

    The bottom line seems to be that you've tried living with the guy, and that has highlighted all sorts of issues that are problematic for you. Those aren't only directly related to him, his view of life, and his priorities, but also the dynamics of his family and how well you and his parents can relate.

    He is only 19, so he still has some maturing to do, but you have to assume that his father will never change from how he is now. You'd also be wise to assume that your boyfriend will be under his father's thumb for some time - maybe forever - even if you were to get a place of your own.

    I know it's easy for me to say since I'm not you and I don't have your feelings for the guy, but I've been in situations that have some similarity. Regardless of your feelings, the reality is that the signs just ain't good, and you should seriously consider if you want to stay in this relationship.

    In the short term, it's his parents' home, and so you have to accept their rules. If those are difficult for you to deal with - and it sounds like they are - then you have to decide which is more important to you: living with the guy, or being more free to do what you want.

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