Is it normal for my dad to be so intrusive?

38% Normal
15 Comments

Tl;dr: My dad wants to get involved a lot with us his children even though we are over 18.

So I've been struggling with this since always but didn't think it would still happen at my age, 19 y/o.
My parents are the kind that are worried about their kids and always giving them what they need. Until that, I think it's okay but behind that they are very overprotective*
My dad is always checking up on us: checking our last seen on Whatsapp to see when do we fall asleep, he used to sneak on our diaries (from my sister and I) (Once my mom told me he found it and read it and she hid it again... but I think they both read it and she acted like she was defending my privacity back then or something, I was like 13)
He wants us to always tell him what are we up to, what are we going to do or where are we going out even though most of the year we are studying on another city.
On those days they call us every single day to know about us (that may sound normal but they get crazy if we don't answer even uf we're just asleep or something, mostly my dad)
Today he entered into my room yellinh really mad because my last seen on Whatsapp was at 6 am and he though I fell asleep at that hour, when I just woke up randomly and checked my phone if I had any messages or something. Then it got into a discussion of why he was like that and our lack of strong character. Suddenly he brought up the topic
of money and school and how he could just stop giving it to us since we don't respect him?
I just came home for vacations and I just want to get back to school to not be with them anymore.

PD. Comment if you're or been trough something similar

Voting Results
38% Normal
Based on 13 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • Ellenna
    5 years ago

    He's obviously a total control freak but if you're financially dependent on him you're going to have to put up with it until you're financially independent.

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  • SeekNPlay
    5 years ago

    I always get anxiety that my dad will walk up on me while I am pleasing myself.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    It's not normal, or healthy. My mom was a lot like that when I was a teenager, and a young adult. Honestly, it has kinda fucked me up a good bit.

    If you have to rely on your folks for financial support do like Ellenna has suggested.

    I'm curious if there's anything else. Was there any weird trauma, or were there any close calls in your early childhood years? My mom managed to get me back after a near abduction when I was eight months old. I think that experience has greatly contributed to my mother's controlling attitude as a parent, and the fact that it was more directed toward me than my younger sister.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      Well my sister once escaped to another state (like 14 hours on bus from where we are) when she was 18, 4 years ago.
      And 5 years ago I started having an eating disorder and 4 months from that they took me to a clinic and interned* me (Not sure if that's the word but I practically lived there for 2 or 3 months).

      But I think nothing really traumatic has happened to us (That they got to know about lol)
      On the other side, my dad is like 70 years old, prediabetic and every time he gets stressed he is automatically agressive and dangerous. But only verbally. Still scary.
      Anyways I think he did wrong on having kids too old.

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      • RoseIsabella
        5 years ago

        That actually sounds pretty traumatic, and I rather suspect that there are things you've not mentioned here in this forum, which is fine. I suspect that there may be some denial on your part regarding things that have transpired. I'm not trying to point a middle aged, arthritic finger at you, but I suspect there could be more to your story, and even if there isn't what you are describing ain't no walk in the park, sugar.

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  • randomperson1000000
    5 years ago

    There's nothing I hate more than overprotective parents (I literally prefer neglectful ones over overprotective ones).

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    You should not put up with the intrusion! Stand up to your dad and let him know that this violation of your privacy MUST stop.

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    • [Old Memory]
      5 years ago

      Her dad could stop funding her tuition though.

      It would honestly probably be a much better experience for the op to learn to control her feelings in the moment and let it slide in a way. Not to learn to be manipulative, but to maintain peace in a stressful situation.

      She would get her education and can maintain a relationship with her parents after establishing independence and getting a little away time.

      I personally wish I had done that instead of following your path, although I think I have developed much more and faster by losing my dependence.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        5 years ago

        Actually my problem is I act too passive (and my siblings too) so they always get their way. If the family is together, we always end up doing what my dad decides.
        I'm also the one that asked once if it was normal to cry everytime I spoke about myself or someone did. I've been trying to act strong and speak my mind when it's needed even if I cry but most of the times we discuss my mind goes blank and the words escape from it and some other times I can't even realize he is wrong until later :(

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        • sissycakes
          5 years ago

          this is so me. i have no idea what my problem is. glad to know someone else can hardly speak about theirselve without crying and is sometimes at a loss for words. on second thought it is kind of sad someone else has to go through it too, granted it is not always so bad because i just take the whole thought or thoughts out of my mind if i dislike them.

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        • [Old Memory]
          5 years ago

          I could be wrong in your case, but from my experience if my mind goes blank during a discussion then that means I haven't spent enough time thinking or rationalizing something.

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  • sissycakes
    5 years ago

    well i know that it sometimes sucks to be treated like a baby when you are older. i have a bedtime and can barely leave the house and i am 24 years old, but on the other hand to be cared for is rare, so you could count it as a blessing. i do, but then i do know how frustrating it is sometimes. it is two nineteen in the morning. everytime i hear footsteps i stop typing as loud and get scared. also i am even supposed to eat a certain amount, etc. no one is ever mean when i will not listen but i not wanting anyone to think that i disrespect. far from the case, but i need to have some fun some of the time.

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  • BlindSpot
    5 years ago

    It's normal if you're Asian. Hey, my dad was pretty similar until I 'became legal.' Only way out is to try to talk to him about your privacy as a young adult - you need your personal space. Another option is trying to move out. Or you can put up with it a few more years. Good luck.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I'm mexican :(

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      • BlindSpot
        5 years ago

        My point was, if you're from a family with a conservative mindset, some of these things can be normal.

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