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She's 20 & told me that she's had a crush on me for 2 years. This has been the most exciting relationship that I've ever been in,. It's a thrill to have her at 20 be so into me when I'm 48.
It's normal to want to pursue the relationship. I can see why you would want to be with someone who is much younger than you. It's not really the right thing most of the time to date someone's ex who was with a friend. It's especially weird because it's a son. It's unethical especially if you do it behind your son's back. It seems pretty selfish your son probably isn't comfortable with it. If your son is okay with it I guess it would be a little better.
This is not okay. It's unethical. And if you don't break up with her, you are a failure as a mother. I am sorry, but that's just the way it is. you need to just stop doing that.
Also, she is too young for you. I know 20 is legally an adult, but its still not right. Young adults are obviously more mature than minors, but still not mature enough to have an intimate relationship with a much older adult. My mom is a middle aged woman with a psychology degree and she told me that she would NEVER date a young adult because it wouldnt be right. large age gaps are not healthy in romantic relationshps. I think my mom knows what she is talking about.
So basically you are an old lady who is romantically attracted to a girl who is barely a grown up, and you also dont love your son. Please stop doing that. Find a woman who is your own age and stay away from people who used to date your family members.