Is it normal for childs mother to do this?

12% Normal
13 Comments

This is something hard to write.

Is it normal for my childs mother, my sons mother, to not ever let me see my son? Is it a 'normal' thing to do on the mothers part? I was not allowed at his birth in April, her mum was present. I have only seen him once in 4-5 months. I have never touched or held him or hugged him. Yes, there were arguments, but nothing substancial. Nothing sustained.

It is going to court, but i just wish to be in my childs life, and for us to be best frineds.

Is it normal for women to do this without warning? Do you think some women have agenda's?

Voting Results
12% Normal
Based on 26 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • charli.m
    3 years ago

    Hard to say without the full back story. There are some mothers who are shit snd try to take children away from fathers out of spite. There are some abusive fathers who conveniently leave that part out or minimise it when retelling others.

    Really no way to tell over the internet.

    I hope the court case goes well for the child.

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    • bakerjd1993
      3 years ago

      Thank you Charli.

      Yes, I mean, I could go into detail, but really it would be...you know. Petty arguments like, she'll acuse me and get angry towards me because I ate 'the last biscuit' or, like, I dont know, the last argument, (This was the last time i actually saw her) was I gave an opinion on something, and like she thought i was arguing, and threatned to call the police. I mean, in my heart of hearts, i know its NOT normal, however, i do always turn my cheek, and then some. But yeah.

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  • [Old Memory]
    3 years ago

    Obviously not normal, that woman is a bitch.

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    • bakerjd1993
      3 years ago

      She may be one lol, thank you for your comment.

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  • CDmale4fem
    3 years ago

    BUT, First things first. Are you on the birth cert as father ? Is the state making you pay child support ? Did you ever sign papers as you being the father ?
    If you are not noted anywhere in the paperwork as the father then you will have to contact the courts to have a DNA test to show you are or are not the father. After paternity is validated then the visitation and the child support will kick in.
    I been there twice years ago i had an ex gf and an ex wife at the same time pregnant. Neither was mine in case anyone thinks i was fucking around on my then wife. Im not a douchebag to do that. But obviously my wife was since she was pregnant from her boyfriend i found out about later.

    First things first - establish paternity.
    2nd - go from there to determine next step.

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    • bakerjd1993
      3 years ago

      I am not on the Birth certificate and she told me 'it was for the best'. I am paying child support, but im only paying that on a moral basis. Theres no legal bidning agreement in place for me to pay, however, i just cant let my baby go without you know. Yes most definitly, I hear and take note of what you say. My hearing in on the 8th in an England, West Midlands court service, over skype of bt connect of whatever.

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Nope, what you have described is not normal.

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  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    Not normal,

    Also: You should regain your custody to your own child.

    Because the bottom line he is your life and he obviously needs you in your life.

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  • SwickDinging
    3 years ago

    Totally normal for you to not be allowed into the room during the birth. I can't imagine why any woman would want an ex partner there whilst she goes through that. At that moment she is a patient in a tremendous amount of pain, she is extremely vulnerable and has the right to privacy. She isn't a performing monkey. There are quite a few women who opt to give birth with just the medical staff there, and honestly, having given birth myself many times, I can completely understand why. Personally I have always had my husband with me, but if we split up there is no way in hell I would want him in there.

    But everything else is definitely not normal. It's wrong of her to not allow you to see the baby. Have you been abusive? Are you addicted to drugs or alcohol? If the answer to both of those questions is no then you should do absolutely fine in court. I'm sorry that this is happening and you have to wait to see your baby. Just keep following the rules and doing anything and everything that the court advises and you will be fine. Just remember that, as long as you aren't abusive, the court will never say that you can't see your baby. They will always do everything they can to make sure you have some sort of contact.

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    • bakerjd1993
      3 years ago

      Good comment. For a few months prior to the birth, in april, she was tossing up literally, between me or her mom, while she was still with me. I literally found myself trying to 'convince' her, for me to be at the birth. But, she was chose her mum. I guess, i didnt pass her tests or whatever the fuck she was doing, but towards the end, very very petty arguments, early april is when i last saw her, 17th april is when baby was born.

      There was emotional abuse on both ends, and some phyiscal on BOTH ends, but no alcohol or drugs were invovled at any time. Yes, I mean, it was a very toxic situation which, i tried my hardest to resolve and come to solice with, but, yeah, its just been the silent treament from her since May. I got a photo of the baby when he was born. That was it. I think she may of lost a child previously in South Africa. But, we met in March 2019, we concieved in June the same yeah. Like, very rushed, i shouldnt of gone in with both feet.

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      • SwickDinging
        3 years ago

        Even if there was physical abuse you should still be able to see the child. You might just have to go through a contact centre (I don't know what they call them in America but I'm sure there will be an equivalent).

        It sounds like you guys really need to sort this out in court. I know it drags stuff out but unless you two are both well off and get on well (which is pretty rare after a split) then the court is really the best place to deal with everything. I know it must be hard but by the time all of this is over you will have proper, clear arrangements in place over who see the baby when, who pays for what, how much etc. It takes a lot of the power away from her.

        Is she breastfeeding? If so that will limit how long the baby will be able to be away from her. If she formula feeds you might even be able to get some overnights with the baby

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        • bakerjd1993
          3 years ago

          Sorry for late reply.

          Yeah, same termenology here, contact center, but, its just not natural. I just want to be able to tuck him into bed, or just kiss him at night, you know. What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if it was the other way around? What if I took my baby from her? There would be an uproar!

          Court first hearing was 8th of Sep, just gone. It was very very balanced, not much to say, other than get us to write statements about each other, court is dragging it out, until November 7th, the next and hopefully final hearing. Its just heartbreaking. I just want her to feel my pain you know. Not in a sinister or vidictive way, just see things from MY side. Feel what IM FEELING.

          Shes breastfeeding and says shell do it for however long the baby wants. I mean...isnt that nuts. Its all agenda, its all games. I think she may of lost a baby before, so this time around she is possesive.

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          • SwickDinging
            3 years ago

            It's not nuts that she's breastfeeding, it's what's best for the baby and all the medical advice says she should be aiming to do it until the baby is at least 2 yo. None of mine ever wanted to do it for that long, thankfully, they all stopped around 1yo. But that does mean that the court will probably not allow you any overnights until they have stopped nursing. In fairness though they are unlikely to allow you nights anyway with a very young baby.

            Your problem here is that she is now well and truly established as the primary carer. It makes this whole thing a lot harder for you. There isn't much you can do about that now.

            Do you have a decent home set up? A safe and stable environment for baby to spend time in is pretty hard to argue against. Even if it is the home of a relative, as long as they can confirm you can use it that would be enough. If you don't have this then start working on it right now. If that means you have to try and find a better job, move to a better etc, just do whatever it takes.

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