The pandemic and social isolation has seriously screwed with a lot of people's heads in all sorts of ways. It sounds like you might be at least borderline depressed, and that's pretty damn common at the moment.
That story about your girlfriend.. Ouch.
Obviously, I have no idea of what was going on between you and her, but it seems to me that for most people, relationships in the twenties are best considered learning experiences. Yeah, sometimes the freaking stars align or some such shit and people meet someone's who's an ideal match in every possible way when they're in their twenties, and they have a bloody fantastic life together until they both croak within days of each other when they're ninety or something, but that's very rare. Most people are still trying to figure out themselves and life in general in their twenties (although a lot of people are deluded enough to believe they've got it all sorted out by the time they're legally an adult).
Making a serious relationship work in a way that's positive and life-enhancing for both people requires a certain skill-set that you only gain from experience, as well as a degree of emotionally maturity and stability that a lot of people just don't gain until they're past their twenties.
I know it's difficult for you to be objective about this, but why are you shocked that your first serious relationship _only_ lasted three years? That's a lot longer than many do, particularly in the phase of life you're in. I completely understand the feeling of failure, but do you intend to crawl off into a cave somewhere to die the first time one of your consultancy clients decides they no longer require your services? From what you say, you clearly don't have vast experience in romantic/sexual relationships, so why should it surprise you that you got your first serious one wrong?
I suggest you do some serious thinking about that relationship, take whatever lessons you can from it and resolve not to make the same mistakes again. And, yeah, she dumped you for some rich guy, so maybe she's shallow and materialistic and you did indeed dodge a bullet. But it sounds like your early life wasn't exactly fantastic, so you might consider if there could be some self-esteem issues lurking way down in your brain. Maybe I'm completely wrong about that possibly being relevant, but feelings of unworthiness are toxic to relationships. Whatever's the case on that point, you're only human, so the odds are that there are things you could have done better in the relationship. Maybe all the blame for the relationship ending is indeed on her shoulders. That does happen. But often both parties bear some responsibility, even if it is in only deciding to get involved with someone for entirely the wrong reasons, and sticking with them out of inertia and fear that nobody else could possibly love you.
As for your friends all latching on to someone else and starting families, why should you give a shit about that? They have their lives to live, and you have yours. You're a man, so you shouldn't have any problems having children when you're in your forties if that's what you decide you really want. And, speaking as a guy who became a father a couple of decades later than what's generally considered the norm, I have to say that I came to that job much better equipped to do it well than I would have been in my twenties or thirties.
IIN feeling depressed about recently hitting 30?
↑ View this comment's parent
← View full post
The pandemic and social isolation has seriously screwed with a lot of people's heads in all sorts of ways. It sounds like you might be at least borderline depressed, and that's pretty damn common at the moment.
That story about your girlfriend.. Ouch.
Obviously, I have no idea of what was going on between you and her, but it seems to me that for most people, relationships in the twenties are best considered learning experiences. Yeah, sometimes the freaking stars align or some such shit and people meet someone's who's an ideal match in every possible way when they're in their twenties, and they have a bloody fantastic life together until they both croak within days of each other when they're ninety or something, but that's very rare. Most people are still trying to figure out themselves and life in general in their twenties (although a lot of people are deluded enough to believe they've got it all sorted out by the time they're legally an adult).
Making a serious relationship work in a way that's positive and life-enhancing for both people requires a certain skill-set that you only gain from experience, as well as a degree of emotionally maturity and stability that a lot of people just don't gain until they're past their twenties.
I know it's difficult for you to be objective about this, but why are you shocked that your first serious relationship _only_ lasted three years? That's a lot longer than many do, particularly in the phase of life you're in. I completely understand the feeling of failure, but do you intend to crawl off into a cave somewhere to die the first time one of your consultancy clients decides they no longer require your services? From what you say, you clearly don't have vast experience in romantic/sexual relationships, so why should it surprise you that you got your first serious one wrong?
I suggest you do some serious thinking about that relationship, take whatever lessons you can from it and resolve not to make the same mistakes again. And, yeah, she dumped you for some rich guy, so maybe she's shallow and materialistic and you did indeed dodge a bullet. But it sounds like your early life wasn't exactly fantastic, so you might consider if there could be some self-esteem issues lurking way down in your brain. Maybe I'm completely wrong about that possibly being relevant, but feelings of unworthiness are toxic to relationships. Whatever's the case on that point, you're only human, so the odds are that there are things you could have done better in the relationship. Maybe all the blame for the relationship ending is indeed on her shoulders. That does happen. But often both parties bear some responsibility, even if it is in only deciding to get involved with someone for entirely the wrong reasons, and sticking with them out of inertia and fear that nobody else could possibly love you.
As for your friends all latching on to someone else and starting families, why should you give a shit about that? They have their lives to live, and you have yours. You're a man, so you shouldn't have any problems having children when you're in your forties if that's what you decide you really want. And, speaking as a guy who became a father a couple of decades later than what's generally considered the norm, I have to say that I came to that job much better equipped to do it well than I would have been in my twenties or thirties.