Is it normal can't be mad at someone for using you, because their life is way worse?

Is it normal to be more sad for that person's life even though they (kinda) fucked you over? Nothing major, but something the average person would probably cut contact over, yet I am still "friends" with them, offer moral support to their problems (they pretty much begged me to stay) and because I remember the good times. I even still cry for how bad their life must suck, and I feel that pretty much excuses the way they treated me.

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 22 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • lucy101

    well its easy to hate these kinds of people but just understanding their point of view is great but if it was me i would hate the person who screwed me up. like seriously, if your life is screwed doesn't mean you have to screw others life too.

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  • Boojum

    Having shitty things happen in your life does not give you a licence to make other people's lives miserable.

    Being an understanding and sympathetic friend is good, but nobody has the right to screw you over, no matter how much they themselves have been screwed-over. If you like the person, you can give the relationship some time to settle down, but look out for a pattern of bad behavior developing. If you make yourself available as a punching bag, some people will get in the habit of punching you to relieve their frustrations.

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    • Algum

      I agree. Even though I can't completely turn my back on family that I love when they're in alot of trouble because they are family, I still set limits so my life in general won't be negatively altered. When it comes to be there when a family member needs to vent out, again, I'll be there, to a point, but I'll only let them vent on me now or again if it's a particularly tough emergency type of situation. But I will not become anyone's regular punching bag.

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  • RoseIsabella

    I suppose it depends. I don't wanna stay around people who fuck me over.

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  • Justmehere

    Tough one. There's a line between being forgiving/having pity, and getting tired of being used. Most guys do it with women all the time until it becomes too much. Get to a point where waiting for the person to help themselves (or even show signs of it), don't see it, and tell yourself..Enough. Can't do this anymore.

    We learn what people are really like, from experience. Long-time female friend of mine only contacts me when she needs something, mostly..Money. Yes, she's had a rough existence, in the system as a kid, medical issues, etc, but, to be honest..If I hear from her, my mind correctly goes to "How much does she need this time?". Have gotten smarter, though. Last time, it was money to move. She asked for a certain amount, and I asked for her to-be landlord's info, to pay him directly. Called him, and asked how much she really needed to move in. As thought..It was about half of what she asked for.

    I paid him what he said was needed, not what she asked for, and honestly, haven't heard from her since. Hoping she's helped herself by now, but if not..This bank is closed. Not doing it anymore.

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    • Ellenna

      "Most guys do it with women all the time"? Really? I would think users and their supporters are evenly divided across the genders

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      • RoseIsabella

        I've been used by guys in that way at least twice.

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    • RoseIsabella

      I hate when people lie to me!

      Does that chick have a history of drug problems? Clearly she's just sniffing around for money, but I'd feel better if she was honest about the rent, and had the balls to ask for spending money instead of straight up lying.

      I used to work with a guy who was always asking me for money for some problem or another, and he would always have a sob story. It really would piss me off when he would "borrow" money, not pay me back and then ask to borrow more money the next payday. Once after I started telling him I was too broke to loan him money he offered to sell me his janky-ass bike which actually had two mismatched tires. That dude was a crazy-ass tweaker. Eventually, he got hit by a car on his way to work, and everybody was laughing about it saying that he was so twaked out that he thought he could outrun a car. Don't feel bad for him though, because he wasn't hurt.

      Eventually I had to dump him as a friend, because he stole money from me, and my boyfriend at the time. The boyfriend confessed to me that our so called friend convinced him to do meth with him. The motherfucker was lying to me the whole damn time, then he had the nerve to get all paranoid and booty hurt that my boyfriend at the time dumped him too, which of course he later blamed on me. What the Hell did he expect us to do when he gets my boyfriend to do drugs and steals from us? Fucking loser, and user. All that shit happened in 2002, and after I left that job I didn't ever think about him until I saw him again almost ten years later looking like a zombie and jaywalking.

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      • Justmehere

        She doesn't have a history of drug problems, but, I will say "M" does tend to use her bad experiences as a kid, and her health problems to get what she wants. That's why I called the to-be landlord myself, and asked what he reasonably needed to have her move in. I wanted to go direct, not give her the cash, because I knew what he'd say would be less than what she asked for. Just knew it.

        That's another thing, looks-wise, she's a savvy, attractive blonde. Guys love her, and she's a manipulator. Would be different if she were an addict and pulling this stuff..Can blame the drugs. But, she's not addicted to anything. Just a lifetime user. And I'm her friend saying this. Even last time, with the moving money..She called me, in tears (and she's not a crier), asking to move in with me. At first, I freaked out..No, no, no way she lives in my house. Then I calmed down and it hit me..She doesn't want to live with me..She wants money to move.

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        • RoseIsabella

          I'm glad I've managed to completely cut ties with the users I used to know.

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          • Justmehere

            I like to think that, since I haven't heard from her in a few years now, ties have been essentially cut. I'd like to talk to her, as we are long-time friends, but, I know..Any conversation with her will at some point involve her hitting me up for cash. I'm just not up for it.

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            • RoseIsabella

              Hmm... what if you simply told her the next time she hit you up for cash, "No, I'm sorry, I can't afford it, because I've got too many bills to pay, and besides you haven't paid me back from the last time I loaned you money"?

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  • peepineep

    I kinda had this with my past best friend. She has depression and always told me about how clingy she was because her mum didn't treat her right as a child. So whenever I told her to leave me alone for a bit she would get really upset and angry at me because she can't help being the way she is etc which made me feel bad because I'm just an introvert and need time alone. Turns out this 'clinginess' didn't last long as she just moved all her feelings towards me onto another girl who is now her best friend. She used me as her therapist and always talked about how her life sucked more if I complained.

    It's fine to not be mad at your friend but from my experience I'd say it's probably just better in the end to not be friends, if not then at least be more distanced. Usually you get those feelings because they're manipulating you, whether they realise it or not.

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  • JellyFish123

    hoes

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  • redrainbow22

    What did they do? :o

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  • AntiArchon

    l empathize with narcissists and sociopaths etc., it ain't there fault they are the way they are from a scientific point of view. l help out a bit with these types of people in my life but to an extent. l know that they're lying and manipulating but
    I don't even bother showing that l know cause it's a symptom of their illness plus telling them about their misdeeds won't affect them and make them change for the better anyway.. but when helping them turns into a real inconvenience or sacrifice that's when l draw the line..

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