Is it normal being a sexual deviant made me suicidal?

53% Normal
21 Comments

For many years I harmed myself in awful ways and was often suicidal because I thought I was a horrible person based on my sexual tastes. The feelings I had were awful and I was raised religious so for years I quite masterbating and I was so desperate for sex I thought about brutally raping women. I avoided women like zombies because they sparked arousal and awful thoughts about what I wanted to do to them. When I found porn is when things got real bad because I got horribly addicted to masterbating to women being tortured in the most inhumane ways you could imagine.

Through my teenage years I kinda pulled out of it by leaving religion and easing of off porn so I was no longer addicted. Then I had actual sex and was fine with vanilla even though I had only watched brutal BDSM type porn before. I would consider myself fine now but damn I hated myself so bad back then for what I found sexy. Is it normal to have that kind of response?

Voting Results
53% Normal
Based on 15 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 21 )
  • message-man
    4 years ago

    I told her I was masochistic and she eventually called me a freak and broke up with me

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    • message-man
      4 years ago

      She won't even talk to me and my best friend now because we're depressed and masochistic

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      • message-man
        4 years ago

        They also make dating sites for kinksters

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        • Doesnormalmatter
          4 years ago

          I know I have tried a few. Takes forever to get dates and most people are fucked in the head. I think people like me who want kinky women might be better off trying to introduce the vanilla GF's to kink as opposed to going to those who already identify as kinky.

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  • zarabell
    4 years ago

    you might have been a little devil, but you were probably just at that age.. you know, when one's sex drive is near-peak and kinks are easy to adopt. it was just a phase, and it might still be a part of you, but it's just that. a part. and it's normal if you ask me

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    • Doesnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      Well I don't think my sex drive is higher now I just think it's not as much of a problem because I get relief.

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  • message-man
    4 years ago

    Am I not the only one that thinks that?

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  • message-man
    4 years ago

    Pretty much the same exact thing happened to me I decided to tell my best friend than my girlfriend my best friend was okay with it he was even a bit masochistic so he could connect with my feelings stop my girlfriend ... she was different

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    • Doesnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      What happened to your girlfriend?

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      • message-man
        4 years ago

        Hello?

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        • Doesnormalmatter
          4 years ago

          Uhhhhh hi.

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  • message-man
    4 years ago

    Well BDSM sadism and masochism is not a serious problem to me if you find a partner that wants it to happenit's fine dude

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    • Doesnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      I know that now and am aware that's it benign but I just didn't know in the past. Fining a girl that's into it has been rather tough tho.

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  • Clunk42
    4 years ago

    So, about these "sexual tastes." Are you saying you were a sadist? Because, if so, the Catholic church is not against that. If I recall, you once said you were anglican? (I am probably way wrong with that) Well, the anglicans were lied to, anyway.

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    • Doesnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      Naw my family went to some small assembly church that was strict AF. I was and is a sadist and a masiochist and considering how negativity premarital sex was viewed and how high my sex drive was I knew it wouldn't work. I think being kinky upped my sex drive big time.

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      • Clunk42
        4 years ago

        So your church was non-denominational. How did you know you were a masochist and sadist if you couldn't have sex?

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        • Doesnormalmatter
          4 years ago

          Doing shit to myself. Imagining doing shit to women. Stuff in movies, random places online and eventually porn. I just saw women and that's what I wanted to do, I don't know where the desires came from, and I still don't.

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          • Clunk42
            4 years ago

            That sounds rather terrible.

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            • Doesnormalmatter
              4 years ago

              Yeah it was, hence me hating myself. Took a long time to figure out how to not let this ruin me. All the while not asking for or getting help from anyone anywhere because I was scared to death to tell anyone.

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  • dimwitted
    4 years ago

    I wouldn't say that's normal but you're over it now. The key is to find a partner that's into the same stuff as you.

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    • Doesnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      Working on it. Harder than it sounds. I might just settle for polygamy until I get lucky. I need vanilla sex to keep me safe and to avoid porn addiction.

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