Is it normal 2be easily angered/discouraged—think about "restarting"

Let me preface this with saying I've never been professionally diagnosed with anything, in part because my parents hate the idea of someone in the family having mental illness, and have joked/are insensitive about it.

For maybe the past few years, I've been very quick to get mad when something goes wrong. It varies between anger that leads to my breathing turning heavy and needing to leave/be alone, to barely speaking and replying mostly in gesture, writing, or minor sentences, because I get disappointed and down. I'm not always like this--there some days I laugh often with my family, I sing and do silly things that make them smile, and make me feel at ease. But whenever I'm not "constantly distracting myself" in ways like that, by talking about what few things I like with friends or family, I find myself rapidly losing energy, willingness to talk, and overall get quicker to anger, quicker to berate myself and tell myself I'm wasting my and everyone else's time.

Minor things like losing belongings recently have been setting me off for weeks on end, and then adding up just makes me feel like shit. I don't have passion for the things I do often and just do them because it's what's expected of me.

I find myself really often wondering if I weren't here if I could start things over several years back. I'm not actively suicidal, I don't self harm because I hate lingering pain (already bite my nails/lips/scratch open sores too much) but often think about "if I could close my eyes and not endure pain through it/know I'm hurting people I wouldn't mind dying." I don't know if that counts as suicidal. I heard someone once say it counts as suicidal ideation, but I'm not sure.

Is it normal to feel like this? Like I can't be satisfied by my life anymore? I get so mad, but I hear so often I'm just too weak or thin-skinned, and have no idea if this is just a step they went through and I have to learn to accept.