If you had to be a previous age again which one would it be?

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  • Gosh, I'm not sure, because I really hated going to school. I don't think I really enjoyed dealing with my peers until I was in college.

    I've always had awful anxiety, and I just assumed it was because I hated dealing with all the assholes in school, but something kinda interesting was revealed to me a couple of years ago. I went to this nurse practitioner guy, and his assistant noticed that I had JVD which is Jugular Vein Distention. They scheduled me for a some tests, an echocardiogram, and an electrocardiogram. I told my folks about it, and they told me that I was born with a hole in my heart. I literally did not know that I was born with a hole in my heart until I was 48 years old, and to be honest that kinda pisses me off, because I can't help, but wonder if that could have had anything to do with all the terrible anxiety I've suffered for so many years of my life. I would sometimes get really anxious, look down and actually see my chest moving, pounding like my heart was a fist, and about to punch a hole through it. I never really told anyone, because I was a depressed teenager, and I thought no one would care, or that my folks would just think I was being melodramatic, or attention seeking.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe there was a physical/medical reason for my anxiety, or at least a condition that may have contributed to my anxiety, and worsened it.

    I feel that I'm older, and wiser now, but I also feel like I'm a shadow of my former self. I just feel very worn out emotionally.

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    • Interesting. I was born with a hole in the bottom of my heart too. At age thirty, I started jogging and slowly worked my way up to 10K races. After a year and a half, cardiac muscle tissue filled in the hole. It was strange because I could feel the difference.

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      • Well, I'm fifty-one now, but my father told me that the hole grew shut when I was a child, but I suppose some cardio would be good for me.

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        • I'm always conscious of keeping a fairly good level of cardio health because it correlates with brain health. And, I am sharper and more insightful because of it. (Vitamin B6 seems to have a bit of positive brain effect as well). Next time you have an X-ray that has your heart in the edge of the picture, ask the radiologist how the filled in muscle tissue looks. They can tell you with real good accuracy.

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          • I gosh, I don't know if I've ever had an x-ray like that. I suppose the closest thing to such an x-ray would be when I had an x-ray on my spine a few years back when my doctor told me I had cervical spondylosis which he said was osteoarthritis, disc degeneration in my upper spine.

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