My dad received details about his adoption as he lay dying so we know the name of his birth mother - now dead. I found her niece on the internet who told me a little about his half-sisters. However, he never wanted to know about his birth mother in case he upset her life and I have agonised as to whether to keep him a secret from his half-sisters or tell them so we can meet. The birth mother is dead but she had him when she was 16 yo and they may not know about him :o( I would hate to spoil their idea / memories of their mother - but it is interesting.
Go ahead and tell them. If their Mother having a baby at 16 and making the responsible decision to give him up for adoption because she knew that she would not be able to raise or financially support him would negatively affect their opinion of her then, well, to hell with them.
Also, I must add that if the issue of why she didn't tell them pops up, they need to be informed of how closed adoptions work. The biological parents do not have any real contact with their children until long after the child has become an adult as a legal agreement to keep the peace, hence why children have to be the ones to consent to reach out to the parents.
It was very common for the young girls in Ireland to be maids in a manor house - so she may have been raped. My dad was very obviously Greek so his father may have been a visitor to the house... I really don't know but as Catholics the mother's family would be deeply religious.
If you found out you were adopted, would you...
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My dad received details about his adoption as he lay dying so we know the name of his birth mother - now dead. I found her niece on the internet who told me a little about his half-sisters. However, he never wanted to know about his birth mother in case he upset her life and I have agonised as to whether to keep him a secret from his half-sisters or tell them so we can meet. The birth mother is dead but she had him when she was 16 yo and they may not know about him :o( I would hate to spoil their idea / memories of their mother - but it is interesting.
Any ideas / opinions would be appreciated.
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NeuroNeptunian
11 years ago
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Go ahead and tell them. If their Mother having a baby at 16 and making the responsible decision to give him up for adoption because she knew that she would not be able to raise or financially support him would negatively affect their opinion of her then, well, to hell with them.
Also, I must add that if the issue of why she didn't tell them pops up, they need to be informed of how closed adoptions work. The biological parents do not have any real contact with their children until long after the child has become an adult as a legal agreement to keep the peace, hence why children have to be the ones to consent to reach out to the parents.
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joybird
11 years ago
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It was very common for the young girls in Ireland to be maids in a manor house - so she may have been raped. My dad was very obviously Greek so his father may have been a visitor to the house... I really don't know but as Catholics the mother's family would be deeply religious.
Not sure if I would spoil her memory.