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If you could say one last thing to someone who is no longer in your life, what would it be?
Ex-friend, ex-lover, ex-spouse, ex-colleague, estranged family, deceased loved one, weird mutual crush that went awkward, acquaintance you had a crush on then moved away, whatever.
One last thing you'd say if you could, and if they'd listen.
I love you more than I could ever possibly love anyone and no one could possibly love you as much as I do. I know I don't show you enough and my chronic illness wasn't who I was and it made me into someone else. I wish you could remember the most amazing times we've shared and how incredible everything was and realize that was me and that will be me again really soon, I'm making absolute certain this time.
I know it made me a bad partner and I couldn't treat you or spend time with you how I wanted to and how it should be. I took so much for granted. I think it would be nice to talk things through so that we can become stronger as a couple and I hope that you'll at least give me the opportunity to show you but I understand if it's been too much for you, I just know it will and can improve and that I can do a lot better. At the end of the day, I truly love you so so much and I want you to be happy even if it hurts me so I respect your decision either way.
Dont do heroine use the pain pills instead. Assholes are cutting heroin with fentanyl. You're gonna die
for C.M: A lot of unfortunate things have happened to you, but that doesn't preclude you from being a terrible person. Don't do to anyone else what you did to me, and never speak to me again.
For A.C: I've long since moved on from you, but I hope you know what an amazing and captivating person you are. You're good at making people smile, and, whether you know it or not, you're good at making people fall in love. I wish you the best.
To an ex-friend: I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when I knew you needed someone. You're impossible to trust, impossible to understand. I hope one day you find people who you can truly open up to, and that they'll give you the happiness you deserve after all these years.
Please, could you say yes or no?
The uncertainty here is really quite something, and I'm not being funny...
You said during our chat a week ago that that you thought I wanted something from you. Well, the truth is I had hoped for a close friendship with you, and in my most secret thoughts I had dared to dream of a relationship with you (knowing full well that it wasn't going to happen). I think you knew I was bisexual; that was what you always seemed to mean by 'weird', after all. But all I *expected* from you realistically speaking was a mutual exchange of empathy and warmth, and a kind answer (even if that answer is a 'no'), rather than closedness, coldness and a hand in my face. I judged you as a spoilt, shallow, bratty kid for a while because when you have been starved of emotional intimacy for long enough, you come to appreciate the preciousness of it and the fragility of the human heart, and you don't treat people coldly, even if you don't want to be friends. But even when I judged you that way, I still adored you, and I still care for you deeply even now.
I'll try my best to leave you alone if that means you'll be happy. But if you want that, I NEED clear communication from you on it. You can't expect a borderline to 'just get' implicit messages about the boundaries you'd like to establish; or at least, you can't expect a borderline to 'just get' them in the right way. I know that my perception that you are IIN user thepuppet is itself potentially just an instance of paranoid ideation, too - potentially. I'm afraid it's virtually a fact of medicine that borderlines are like this. I'm genuinely sorry that my condition has made and is making you feel uncomfortable. My condition makes me feel uncomfortable too.
You are a precious child of God and I want to bless you in any way I can, even if it is hard for me, or feels emotionally painful to me. This is love. However, you need to give me some solid, expressly stated truths and boundaries to work with as I try to feel around and past my cognitive blind spots, so that you can experience that blessing as a blessing.
All my best,
C. from work.
Sorry- it's definitely not me. It's funny because one of my nicknames begins with the letter "A.", and actually, our stories seem relatively similar to where I had to read your message twice, but it's a coincidence. I'm unemployed. Sorry again for the confusion, and I hope things do work out for you.
Oh, thank goodness.
I've looked at your past posts, and you even write like A and have a similar way of looking at things as her. She has told me in person some of the exact same things as you put in that post, almost word-for-word!
My heart desperately wants things to work out. My rational head tells me things almost certainly won't work out, and that the more I speak to her, the more chances I have of freaking her out even more.
At some point though, we can't go on contorting our personalities into unrecogniseable shapes to make people stay. We have to develop ourselves organically, and accept what we are in the meantime, and just try to limit the damage we cause, I guess.
I'd love to know what A. would have thought of my IIN posts if you really had been her...
I don't think I'd even have to say anything. All they'd need is to see what my life is like now compared to how it was when they constantly bullied me and said I'd never make it in life to know that they were wrong about me and shouldn't have treated me like I was a nobody. It's already blatantly obvious that I'm miles more successful than they and the people they thought were better than me are (or likely ever will be).
But, I'd also like to say "HA! Look who's fat now!", because guess who made fun of me for being fat as a teenager, but blew up like a balloon after high school and now has three chins while I lost the weight? Lol.
To an ex-friend; you are in a cult and these people are indoctrinating you, even if we never speak again please wake the fuck up.
Why were you so afraid of your feelings? You didn't have to act on them. Why couldn't you just let it be?
I don't care how bad a friend you were. That never made me stop loving you.