If i was an asshole would i be more attractive

Sweetie change is hard 4 me I guess. Idk where 2 pick up the pieces nd go. I don't have my own vehicle yet. We have one vehicle 4 a family of 3. Which he uses as a weapon. I must tell him exactly where I'm going. He times me as if he can plan for every traffic jam or lines at the register or deli at the store. If I pis him off I'm not allowed 2 use it. The loan is under his name but we both are insured. I'm on disability cuz my mind broke a long time ago. I get a pretty decent amount. We put are money together nd I pay the bills. I would need 2 save for a vehicle nd a place of my own. I grew up in alcoholic home with a brother that beat the f out of me endlessly. I moved out wen I was 16 in with my sis. Met him and have been with him ever since only 2 be verbally mentally and emotionally abused. You begin 2 believe everything that is said 2 you. He is beyond controlling. I learned 2 live my life not 2 puss him off so I don't pay with being called every nasty word under the sun. I have no friends. I don't have any family that would even help me if I asked. So the thought of being alone is so scarey. And when I get brave enough. Idk how long I would be alone because I obviously need healing time and a lot. It's 1:40 am. I took my sleep med but can't sleep because all the bad runs throughout my mind making hard 2 sleep. I feel weak. In the fact that I don't just leave. But that is a lot of change. Do u really think I can do it. Move on and be happy. I guess it's the unknown is so scarey. I'm sry. You probably have much more important things than 2 listen 2 a cry baby.