Your friend said you're free to come back to him when you're ready, believe him. Send him a text letting him know that you're sorry and need some cure your own personal problems without hurting others and that you appreciate his kindness.
After doing that, seek out counselling, don't do this alone. Though I'm not a professional, it sounds like you have an adult attachment disorder of some kind where you're trapped in a loop of craving/wanting connections, but your fear of abandonment leads you to push people away; it's just a guess.
I wrecked a friendship and now I'm hurt
← View full post
All you can do is get better.
Your friend said you're free to come back to him when you're ready, believe him. Send him a text letting him know that you're sorry and need some cure your own personal problems without hurting others and that you appreciate his kindness.
After doing that, seek out counselling, don't do this alone. Though I'm not a professional, it sounds like you have an adult attachment disorder of some kind where you're trapped in a loop of craving/wanting connections, but your fear of abandonment leads you to push people away; it's just a guess.