I think it is normal to wonder if you should feel bad. Is it normal not to feel bad? I don't know.
I have not been in war, nor killed anyone, but I think I could do so, and depending on circumstances I may feel good or bad about it.
1) kill some shit about to torture a baby - I'd probably feel good about it.
2) kill a baby even accidentally - definitly feel bad.
3) you case, somewhere in between
Your experience is interesting in that you had more control than somone who fires a piece of attillery (possibly relating to 2), but was not specifically defending yourself either, making it both a personal act of killing, yet not self-defence, and I would assume visually immediate too (as compared to lobbing shells)too.
The only way to answer if you should feel bad is to know if you feel the killing was nessesary (i.e. justified and/or no other option - "I was ordered to, it was war" may not justify it).
So - if justified, feeling bad (or not) is normal. If unjust, feeling bad is normal.
Either way, playing mind-games with yourself and wondering if you are normal, is probably 100%% normal
I went to Iraq I need your help people
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I think it is normal to wonder if you should feel bad. Is it normal not to feel bad? I don't know.
I have not been in war, nor killed anyone, but I think I could do so, and depending on circumstances I may feel good or bad about it.
1) kill some shit about to torture a baby - I'd probably feel good about it.
2) kill a baby even accidentally - definitly feel bad.
3) you case, somewhere in between
Your experience is interesting in that you had more control than somone who fires a piece of attillery (possibly relating to 2), but was not specifically defending yourself either, making it both a personal act of killing, yet not self-defence, and I would assume visually immediate too (as compared to lobbing shells)too.
The only way to answer if you should feel bad is to know if you feel the killing was nessesary (i.e. justified and/or no other option - "I was ordered to, it was war" may not justify it).
So - if justified, feeling bad (or not) is normal. If unjust, feeling bad is normal.
Either way, playing mind-games with yourself and wondering if you are normal, is probably 100%% normal