I want to say the n word just because i’m not allowed to

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  • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore
    10 months ago | pl

    Michael and his siblings definitely deserved a better life. Joe Jackson was a living demon upon this earth. I think he chemically castrated Michael. He never had a chance at a normal life or normal development. I think it's sweet you would want to be his friend.

    I have a bit of a savior complex about a former Russian ballerina who lost her mind to schizophrenia so I can relate. She just posts constant videos of her mental decay on YouTube and has been for over a decade but used to be a ballerina who danced in competitions. She's getting worse and no one will help her, and I'm on the other side of the world.

    Sometimes people are harmed, and you can't save them. And it does hurt a lot.

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    • Tinybird
      10 months ago | pl

      It's not just him either, despite they called me a p word for liking him. A word which I have grown to despise.
      They also made out that because I had this OC who was a North Korean soldier, that I "fantasise about Asian people starving and drowning to escape and that it's fked up on so many levels and it's like torture porn and it's sick", uhhh ok... except I DON'T fantasise about any of that, again they twist my innocent feelings of love into something the complete opposite.
      When I love someone I don't want them to suffer, I actually feel really sad about North Koreans how they live and wanted to spread more awareness, this NK soldier oc of mine also comforts me in some way, and tries to remind me that even if things seem hard, there's a way out.
      (You see my tornado Gustav, the spongebob outro song, young MJ and the NK soldier are sort of like my invisible friends...)

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    • Tinybird
      10 months ago | pl

      Yeah. And thinking about the way his father mistreated him makes me burst into tears even now thinking about it I'm crying, and I wish I could give him a hug and he could be a bit like my adoptive little brother, we could play games every day, go on adventures, he wouldn't even have to be famous. When I hear his sweet voice singing all those old songs, or see his cute face, I just wish I could do something... But I can't, and instead I have to deal with being hated for it. It's the most lonely and isolating feeling I don't think I would wish on anyone.
      But I'm sorry about how I reacted before. It's just that after being told by everyone that no one will ever accept me for loving him, that is why I feel so much bitter resentment and hatred towards everyone, and society, and myself. I always suffer from a lot of self-hatred and even had this fantasy in my head of wearing a cape and jumping off a tall building, which was my "heroic s*****e." Because I feel like others see me as some villain, for simply feeling love for another human. (I'm not going to kms, but I do see that play in my head sometimes while listening to music + thinking wouldn't other people want that) but I also want to live as long as possible to spite those people.
      I just wish I could go back to being a kid... Then people wouldn't hate me for loving him

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      • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore
        10 months ago | pl

        I understand what you mean. You can message me privately if you want, even if I don't message back right away, since this isn't an app and I won't get notifications. I do check frequently though and I'm willing to talk about stuff. I understand the feeling of wanting to save people.

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