Okay so I think I understand a bit more. Regardless of the upvote/downvote thing, just know I'm not hiding comments.
I can totally understand having unique feelings like this no one would understand and people harassing you for it. Yes, LGBT people have faced harassment for their preferences as well.
I do not hate you. It was just your extreme reaction to LGBT history here and in our previous convo that ticked me off. The history of LGBT people is one filled with genocide, brutality, suicide, abandonment, and many other sad things. But I understand, and I will be more understanding going forward knowing you have a disability. I also have two: ADHD and epilepsy, so my brain is a bit funky too.
Also, you can talk to me if you want. I won't judge now, in this context, now that I understand where you are coming from. Everyone needs someone to understand them.
Thanks for understanding. The person I was referring to, is Jackson five era Michael Jackson. People have told me to kms wished death upon me and called me horrible names for loving him, but what they don't understand is how much it hurts, I didn't choose to be born in this time, I want to go back to that time, and be his best friend and give him a childhood he never had.. My feelings are nothing like what people think, it's just an innocent crush. The people in the group somehow found out that I love him as well as tornadoes and ripped me to shreds cause of it, it feels like they take my heart, and play around with it like it's a bouncy ball and then it crumbles into nothing.
But I've been reticent about sharing this because of just how hated I am for it anyway. And I've literally never hurt anyone what have I done wrong?? I can't even be with him and yet people still want me to suffer miserably for liking him, just because of this ONE little thing that has no bearing on me or how I act or whatever.
Michael and his siblings definitely deserved a better life. Joe Jackson was a living demon upon this earth. I think he chemically castrated Michael. He never had a chance at a normal life or normal development. I think it's sweet you would want to be his friend.
I have a bit of a savior complex about a former Russian ballerina who lost her mind to schizophrenia so I can relate. She just posts constant videos of her mental decay on YouTube and has been for over a decade but used to be a ballerina who danced in competitions. She's getting worse and no one will help her, and I'm on the other side of the world.
Sometimes people are harmed, and you can't save them. And it does hurt a lot.
It's not just him either, despite they called me a p word for liking him. A word which I have grown to despise.
They also made out that because I had this OC who was a North Korean soldier, that I "fantasise about Asian people starving and drowning to escape and that it's fked up on so many levels and it's like torture porn and it's sick", uhhh ok... except I DON'T fantasise about any of that, again they twist my innocent feelings of love into something the complete opposite.
When I love someone I don't want them to suffer, I actually feel really sad about North Koreans how they live and wanted to spread more awareness, this NK soldier oc of mine also comforts me in some way, and tries to remind me that even if things seem hard, there's a way out.
(You see my tornado Gustav, the spongebob outro song, young MJ and the NK soldier are sort of like my invisible friends...)
Yeah. And thinking about the way his father mistreated him makes me burst into tears even now thinking about it I'm crying, and I wish I could give him a hug and he could be a bit like my adoptive little brother, we could play games every day, go on adventures, he wouldn't even have to be famous. When I hear his sweet voice singing all those old songs, or see his cute face, I just wish I could do something... But I can't, and instead I have to deal with being hated for it. It's the most lonely and isolating feeling I don't think I would wish on anyone.
But I'm sorry about how I reacted before. It's just that after being told by everyone that no one will ever accept me for loving him, that is why I feel so much bitter resentment and hatred towards everyone, and society, and myself. I always suffer from a lot of self-hatred and even had this fantasy in my head of wearing a cape and jumping off a tall building, which was my "heroic s*****e." Because I feel like others see me as some villain, for simply feeling love for another human. (I'm not going to kms, but I do see that play in my head sometimes while listening to music + thinking wouldn't other people want that) but I also want to live as long as possible to spite those people.
I just wish I could go back to being a kid... Then people wouldn't hate me for loving him
I understand what you mean. You can message me privately if you want, even if I don't message back right away, since this isn't an app and I won't get notifications. I do check frequently though and I'm willing to talk about stuff. I understand the feeling of wanting to save people.
I want to say the n word just because i’m not allowed to
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Okay so I think I understand a bit more. Regardless of the upvote/downvote thing, just know I'm not hiding comments.
I can totally understand having unique feelings like this no one would understand and people harassing you for it. Yes, LGBT people have faced harassment for their preferences as well.
I do not hate you. It was just your extreme reaction to LGBT history here and in our previous convo that ticked me off. The history of LGBT people is one filled with genocide, brutality, suicide, abandonment, and many other sad things. But I understand, and I will be more understanding going forward knowing you have a disability. I also have two: ADHD and epilepsy, so my brain is a bit funky too.
Also, you can talk to me if you want. I won't judge now, in this context, now that I understand where you are coming from. Everyone needs someone to understand them.
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Tinybird
10 months ago
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Thanks for understanding. The person I was referring to, is Jackson five era Michael Jackson. People have told me to kms wished death upon me and called me horrible names for loving him, but what they don't understand is how much it hurts, I didn't choose to be born in this time, I want to go back to that time, and be his best friend and give him a childhood he never had.. My feelings are nothing like what people think, it's just an innocent crush. The people in the group somehow found out that I love him as well as tornadoes and ripped me to shreds cause of it, it feels like they take my heart, and play around with it like it's a bouncy ball and then it crumbles into nothing.
But I've been reticent about sharing this because of just how hated I am for it anyway. And I've literally never hurt anyone what have I done wrong?? I can't even be with him and yet people still want me to suffer miserably for liking him, just because of this ONE little thing that has no bearing on me or how I act or whatever.
--
1234tellmethatyoulovememore
10 months ago
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Michael and his siblings definitely deserved a better life. Joe Jackson was a living demon upon this earth. I think he chemically castrated Michael. He never had a chance at a normal life or normal development. I think it's sweet you would want to be his friend.
I have a bit of a savior complex about a former Russian ballerina who lost her mind to schizophrenia so I can relate. She just posts constant videos of her mental decay on YouTube and has been for over a decade but used to be a ballerina who danced in competitions. She's getting worse and no one will help her, and I'm on the other side of the world.
Sometimes people are harmed, and you can't save them. And it does hurt a lot.
--
Tinybird
10 months ago
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Tinybird
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It's not just him either, despite they called me a p word for liking him. A word which I have grown to despise.
They also made out that because I had this OC who was a North Korean soldier, that I "fantasise about Asian people starving and drowning to escape and that it's fked up on so many levels and it's like torture porn and it's sick", uhhh ok... except I DON'T fantasise about any of that, again they twist my innocent feelings of love into something the complete opposite.
When I love someone I don't want them to suffer, I actually feel really sad about North Koreans how they live and wanted to spread more awareness, this NK soldier oc of mine also comforts me in some way, and tries to remind me that even if things seem hard, there's a way out.
(You see my tornado Gustav, the spongebob outro song, young MJ and the NK soldier are sort of like my invisible friends...)
Yeah. And thinking about the way his father mistreated him makes me burst into tears even now thinking about it I'm crying, and I wish I could give him a hug and he could be a bit like my adoptive little brother, we could play games every day, go on adventures, he wouldn't even have to be famous. When I hear his sweet voice singing all those old songs, or see his cute face, I just wish I could do something... But I can't, and instead I have to deal with being hated for it. It's the most lonely and isolating feeling I don't think I would wish on anyone.
But I'm sorry about how I reacted before. It's just that after being told by everyone that no one will ever accept me for loving him, that is why I feel so much bitter resentment and hatred towards everyone, and society, and myself. I always suffer from a lot of self-hatred and even had this fantasy in my head of wearing a cape and jumping off a tall building, which was my "heroic s*****e." Because I feel like others see me as some villain, for simply feeling love for another human. (I'm not going to kms, but I do see that play in my head sometimes while listening to music + thinking wouldn't other people want that) but I also want to live as long as possible to spite those people.
I just wish I could go back to being a kid... Then people wouldn't hate me for loving him
--
1234tellmethatyoulovememore
10 months ago
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I understand what you mean. You can message me privately if you want, even if I don't message back right away, since this isn't an app and I won't get notifications. I do check frequently though and I'm willing to talk about stuff. I understand the feeling of wanting to save people.
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Tinybird
10 months ago
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I can't unless you message me first because I don't have iin gold :( and I can't pay for it
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1234tellmethatyoulovememore
10 months ago
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1234tellmethatyoulovememore
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$50?! Wtf
Oh we can't! That's dumb I didn't even realize that. What a strange website.