I want to murder someone.

73% Normal
22 Comments

Throughout my life, people have 'known' me to be nice, conscious, 'pure', etc.

Something happened. Someone was hurt. I want to murder the criminal. I won't go deeper in detail.

I don't know this side of me. It's the first time I actually have the desire of killing someone. What's worse is I know I'd enjoy it. I'm not sure if I'd be able to carry it out in real life, but it's possible.

These thoughts have been clouding my mind for over a week now. Nonstop. Am I not a murderer already? For I have already killed this person countless times in my mind. I've had recurring dreams regarding this.

Yes. Dreams. Not Nightmares, because it's something I've actually enjoyed. I wake from these either in tears or in rage. Wishing something could be done.

I don't know I'll ever get over it. Even if I do, there's something that will never be undone. I feel I've cracked and am seeing the true face of earth. What little hope in faith I had is all gone by now.

I have no sympathy for people who I wish were purged out of this world. I wish I myself could cleanse it. But doesn't wanting to deprive such people from their lives make me a bad person? I'm afraid this is feeding off my mind, driving me closer to insanity each time.

If Christianity is true. Then this is hell.

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 33 votes (24 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 22 )
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    if your mad, so be it but remember if you cant come to place of non caring the enemy will have won. hatred is too much like a type of love. the feeling of non caring is a blessed relief and i hope it comes to you soon. good luck

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    It's natural to want to hurt someone who has hurt another especially in a personal context.

    But if you do what you think, you will only be lowering yourself to or below their own level and that is not a good thing.

    Holding onto such hatred is not a healthy thing to do, I used to feel the same way about someone and probably given the chance, would have killed them.

    But I didn't because I knew about the consequences both for myself and for other people and I knew that it would not change prior events or make me feel any better.

    I hope you can find some peace soon.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • seali001
    12 years ago

    People like my comments better..no mine...now he probably wants to kill us too...

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • seali001
    12 years ago

    How did this become a pissing contest!!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    That happens to me all the time. Just try to act it out in your head and keep your fantasies just fantasies. It's NOT worth going to prison for murder. You would probably spend the rest of your life there, so you wouldn't just have taken someone else's life, you would take your own with it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • howaminotmyself
    13 years ago

    hmmmm....interesting...i think i may have hit upon something here.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • howaminotmyself
    13 years ago

    Holy shit! I almost agree with ItDuz. Almost...

    I am truly sorry for the pain you are experiencing but you are being melodramatic. You are being vague to add to the mystery. I can only imagine what actually happened but you are looking for vengeance, not justice. And it's hard because sometimes the justice system fails. Do you feel like you failed this person? And then you are left wondering how do you protect the ones you love. Fist of all, you love them, you stand by them, and you support them. Going crazy isn't going to help them get through this drama.

    I only assume that a loved one was hurt because people don't usually get all criminal over a causal acquaintance getting injured. Well, some do- but you don't sound like a martyr.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • [Old Memory]
      13 years ago

      Its ironic how you say it as if im always wrong when even the person that people consider the smartest on this site agrees with me often. You would be suprised how many people agree with me.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • howaminotmyself
        13 years ago

        I said I almost agree with you- that doesn't mean I think you are wrong. Why are you on the defense? People can disagree and both be right. I am well aware that we view the world differently- I am comfortable with that. Are you? What is right for me- would probably make you stare stupidly while scratching your head, or fall over laughing.

        And don't misunderstand a smart person's understanding of you to be an indicator of your own intelligence. What you lack my friend, is wisdom and maturity. But at least you come by it honestly.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • [Old Memory]
          13 years ago

          what I was saying was the way you said it which you obviously didnt understand. Make me stare stupidly scratching my head? fall over laughing? Ok you say it like this happens so often please share with me where this has happened. I mean you obviously know it has so do share with me where these things have happened? And whats funny is they understand and agree with me not to mention quite a few have said the opposite of "I need wisdom and maturity" just because you dont like something I say doesnt make it wrong. I still find it funny how you said I scratch my head as if I dont know what to say. Everytime someone says something to me I reply back with what I have to say and then when I have finnished proving a point thats usualy when the "Ha your pathetic your not worth it" thing comes in but never before. Everytime I see your comments they are exactly like everyone elses when I say mine I get to th epoint without having to explain the point. I have wisdom I see the logic not the emotion. Its funny how its only the ones like you that say these types of things. Your a fool a gullable fool. I dont base my thoughts of myself on what I think of myself I base them on between what others think of me and what I think of myself so when I say "Some of the considered smartest ones on this site agree with me" I am not speaking out of term. But im still very curious about the scratching my head part. Please supply me with the name of the story that a comment has left me "staring stupidly while scratching my head"....oh let me save you the trouble by saying stop adding what you want me to do into your comments even though tye are the things I have never done but no I will give you a chance to back up your claim supply me with a link or a story name where I am left scracthing my head.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • howaminotmyself
            13 years ago

            Mmm, thanks for all the attention:)Tastes good. Here's some back atcha...

            You are determined to argue with me aren’t you? I said “what is right for me” not “I have posted many comments that would make you scratch your head.” Meaning-you don’t get me. But nice diatribe on something I didn’t even say. We interact with the world on different levels, with different intent, and different goals. I’ve been careful not to reveal certain aspects of myself on the internet. However based on the way you express yourself, you sound like many people I have had battles with in the past. People who would rather complain about the bullshit then actually do anything to change the parts of the world you are unhappy with, but do you want to be happy? Battles I am perfectly happy to engage in because I find it important to understand all types of people.

            I have not seen anyone comment on your wisdom or maturity. But then again, I don’t go around to every comment you have posted to see how others have responded. So maybe there is an ItDuz following. However I am not a follower.

            Did you realize you repeated my sentiments? “just because you dont like something I say doesnt make it wrong.” Did you read the first sentence of my last comment?

            Just because someone agrees with you, it does not mean you have wisdom. Anyone bold enough to claim they have wisdom, clearly lacks it. And it takes wisdom to analyze emotions, logic will only take you so far. (but I think we’ve had this argument before)

            “Its funny how its only the ones like you that say these types of things.” Ones like me? Thanks for the box, but I tend to smash the boxes people put me in, or flip them upside down and use them as a soapbox. They are also fun to paint!

            Of course people agree with you, you really aren’t that unique. And I often agree with the things you say, granted you say them in a manner completely opposite of me. So no, I don’t like what you say but I agree with much of what you say. If you weren’t so hell bent on proving me “wrong” you would see that.

            Do you really not consider me smart? Okay-fair enough. I think some people will disagree. Is this the point you are trying to make. Or are you trying to prove that you can be a bigger asshole, because you will win that contest against me every time. Just understand this, I am not your enemy, you do not need to fight me. You really don’t have to like me, but truthfully-I’m a very likable person.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • [Old Memory]
              13 years ago

              Ugh see what I mean? my first part didnt make sense I ment to say "Someone who says they have wisdom doesnt have wisdom at all".

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
            • [Old Memory]
              13 years ago

              ...Seriously? how can I go on a discussion when you say stuff meaning that I am always wrong then say you agree with me alot on a different comment?
              That who has wisdom doesnt have wisdom at all? Thats like saying a scientist saying he isnt good at science. I made a mistake about the scratching my head part and no believe me what your opinions are wouldnt leave me in such a way. How have I expressed myself? and you obviously havent had battles with people like me because I dont "battle" with people. People who would rather complain about something rather than do something about it? you dont know me at all and I dont a complete change of how the world is can be changed by one man. See you dont understand that sometimes the things someone wants are too big and there is nothing they can do to change it. I like your speech about "trying to put you in a box" the funny thing is I havent even tried to mainly because the people on this site are boring and I have lost any motivation I guess you can call it to comment because its pointless. Im not an asshole I just put the what people most likely are thinking just without the sugar coating. This isnt a contest, you are not my enemy (I have said in the past I dont like or dislike people) Im not trying to fight you either. An Itduz following? no just people that agree. Logic doesnt take you only so far not if you have logic on emotion. All in all this probably isnt as responsive as I usualy am due to me just woken up at 2:30 in the morning.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Also to the original poster this all seems a little portraited you have tried making it sound dramatic which its a known fact that people who do that usualy dont feel what they say they are feeling.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • welcome_to_nightmare
    13 years ago

    bin there done that someone i new was murdered i wanted revenge but after a while you'll forget of just stop caring like me i dont even care that this guy is dead and in retraspect im glad he's dead coz whata smelly disgusting pain in the ass because i now know what i use to think was love was only familiarity and the fact i didnt see him often. regardless sonner or later you'll stop caring and go back to normal LOL but who am i to say whats normal :). p.s go gaddafi!!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • [Old Memory]
      13 years ago

      I already think you are a poser. I done a little scooping around, you mainly go on things that involve murder etc trying to get this image or someone whos dangerous when to be perfectly honest only posers do such things and only go to specific stories and comment when they are trying and I repeat "trying" to get an image of themselfes as different. I have read over all of your comments and everything you say can be disproven by the way you comment. Not to mention I like how you have put your picture as an attemp to put a scary one up for show this only shows even more that you are not trying to be yourself you are trying to be someone you have either seen on television or an anime (which you said you like) I believe the words were "Im an anime freak :D". Just a heads up there are quite a few smart ones on here than can tell your not what you are trying to make yourself be seen to be. To be honest even if you are this person you are trying to make yourself out to be to be honest you still arent that scary and I would even consider it normal. All in all im guessing your from the age 15-20 if not then the only thing that has grown older is your body and not your mind.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • FrankSinatra
    13 years ago

    @ hellboy
    I've lost what little belief I still had in god or any sort of religion. But the more I think about it, the more I wish capital punishment was around.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • hellboy333
    13 years ago

    You sound like the iquisishion. Please, go whip yourself in your basement some more, preferably till you die.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • [Old Memory]
      13 years ago

      Do you have a point? And don't reference something you can't even spell correctly, it's inquisition, not the iquisishion...

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • FrankSinatra
    13 years ago

    @ Devilla - this is something I can't simply 'not care' about.

    @ MissSorel - it's not about lowering myself or the sort. It's about justice. Yes, I wish it could be I the one to punish this person, but regardless, it is someone who something must be done about.

    I'm not so worried about the consequences of my actions, but rather the consequences of not doing anything about it. This person could repeat such crime, and nobody should go through this.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0