I want to live out my sexual desires with my husband, is it normal?

81% Normal
3 Comments

Ok,

So I'm kinky, a freak, a dom and a sub (switch favoring sub), yadda yadda. 'K. Now since thats out of the way heres the story. I have several kinks (it's a long list) and for the majority of my sexual life I have been the dominate one. I'm a sadist, so the idea of being able to whip and chain someone up, and the works really brought a smile to my face. After years of being the one in control I've lost my flare for it. Be it the lack of imagination of those I've been with relationship-wise or have lost the flame it lite long ago, I don't know.

I'm married and have been for a few years(5 plus). We've had our issues and then like and working on them. One of them being sex. I've always had a active sex drive and for the most part no complaints on his end. Life, stress, bills and the like can take its toll on any sex drive. This I fully understand, these have effected my willing drive as well.

Well we and I really mean I have grown tired of sex. Now please don't get me wrong I still enjoy the act of it, I will watch my porn, read the stories, and use my toys. When it comes to sex with my husband I find myself faking it for his sake. We have been through so much, to me I think this is what he really doesn't wish to fail at. Sometimes it feels good but soon that feeling fades and I do what I can to make him leave with a smile.

Bit of background, Previous guy I was with before the man I married. We were members of a sex club. Now, if you've never been to a legal sex club please don't assume things. The place was clean as in they had on scene maids. There were rules, regulations, even bouncers if needed. Anyway, we would go and enjoy together our need to be exhibitionists. Having people watch and sometimes touch while we enjoyed ourselves. I have found a not so much thrill but its more than that. Rather hard to describe the feeling having strange people watch while I give pleasure to the one I'm with. To have them touch, etc.

Now hubby knows my kinks... ALL of them. I have been very open with him in everything I have done, will do, and -WANT- to do. He is willing to do most of the kinks and has admitted it. He said he is even willing to do the others but his insane jealousy will get in the way. Now when I say jealousy I mean I can't talk to child-hood friends without him getting jealous. He had issues with an ex-wife (she cheated on him) and I know he'll have those issues for the rest of his life whether he wants to admit them or not.

I've never slept with another man, never givin oral, or hell kissed another guy. My mind is wandering here these several months. The thought of another man pressed to me, the feel of another invading my warmth. A flame is lite inside once again. I don't know I just know what is the now is not doing anything but numbing me from the inside out. I've gotten the notion in him to do a threesome, though I am not sure how I can really tell if he is serious. He likes to be submissive, for me to chain him up. To use a whip on him, to order him around. I am in need for him to be dominate, pull my hair, smack my ass, and slam into me hard.

Kinda at a loss. I want my husband to join in my sexual desires, to enjoy it as well as I. To have threesomes with men and women. To watch, to have others watch, to have protected sex with someone else other than I. To expand on his desires.. think it's normal?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 3 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • kelili
    10 years ago | pl

    Way toooooooooo long

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  • highonlove
    10 years ago | pl

    Jealousy in those situations is a very normal feeling, but this jealousy is what can push his and your sexual experiences to a new level. What is important is his trust that he is the only one in your heart, even if if he is not the only one in your bed. If he knows that you are always coming back to him, and if the experience of the fantasy will only fuel your relationship he might be willing to try it.

    Let me tell you on my example that once he gets over the anxiety of jealousy - and he will over time - the experience will be absolutely fantastic. And if you are worried about ruining your relationship - don't. From my experience it will not only elevate the sensual/sexual side to a new level, but will make the relationship much stronger. This could be part due to the fact, that when you engage in such a fantasy, it will require building a very strong trust relationship between you and your husband. This trust, in turn, will act like a glue in all other aspects of your life. In my case it contributed to a totally new level of sex life, made me a much more sensual person in bed and changed my relations to my wife outside of the bedroom. I say so many more nice words to her now, then before all of this started. BTW, we are together for 20 years now. My wife is a tall, slim, gorgeous beauty with dark long hair. She has first met another guy about 12 years ago, after many of my delicate suggestions. I had to leave on a work assignment to another city and was only coming home about twice per month. My suggestions and her loneliness probably played part in it, and she met the guy who was hitting on her for some time. They did it when I was away and she recorded it with a hidden cam. My emotions that first time were ranging from total jealousy to extreme erotic arousal. I felt happy one time and lonely/almost betrayed another. But it was like a drug. I liked it so much. Have never before experienced such sexual intensity and arousal. She did it several more times with this guy over a number of months. Then she stopped for a few years - work, kids, busy life. With my suggestions she went back to the lifestyle. Put adds on singles sites etc. She started meeting guys and the more it was happening the more my emotions were shifting away from jealousy to sensuality, arousal, love for her. We are a so much better couple now. We used to argue and be nasty to each other a lot more often before this started happening. Now, we barely argue ever. I am more relaxed and I feel that my love to her is on par or better than when me met for the first time. She is seeing a guy now, that will go through the whole night with her. Last time she had three orgasms during the night, and then they did it again twice in the morning. This guy is incredible. He is so nice and sensual to her and makes her go to new levels with sexual arousal. She brings these new levels back home, where it really makes a difference in our sex life. BTW, she recorded video only twice. She prefers to have privacy with a guy. Makes her more at ease and enjoy the whole thing way better. However, she agreed to use a little voice recorder if she can in a given situation. Let me tell you. The sound recordings are even better than the video. My mind is discovering the levels of sensuality and emotions I never new existed in me. Probably the imagination adds to it, since I don't see the video. She would not feel comfortable with a threesome or if I was watching life. I don't know if I would not feel awkward just siting there and watching. Instead, I prefer to let my imagination go loose when she is doing it and then listen to the recording afterwards. Best of luck to you.

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  • PumpkinKate
    10 years ago | pl

    You're in a sort of conundrum where either you're going to become increasingly sexually unsatisfied (which will eventually lead to greater problems, it's more or less inevitable) OR he's going to feel highly uncomfortable due to his hangups regarding his cheating ex.

    Basically this is an impasse, unless you guys can reach a compromise.

    Actually when I think about it, though it may sound unfair and a little cruel, the very best thing I can think of involves him being willing to work PAST his issues of jealousy. It seems to me you are more than willing to accommodate this for him (so much so that you're not even pushing the matter at all) and I have a feeling you'd be willing to take it quite slow and be open and sensitive to his needs every step of the way.

    But without him learning how to overcome his past, even just a little, quite slowly... I cannot see a solution to your problem, only it worsening.

    Perhaps you could try by working it slowly into your D/s play? "Force" him to talk about his fantasies that he feels he can't live out during your play. Create an association between sex, pleasure, intimacy - and letting go of his inhibitions. If he begins to correlate the freedom to express his fantasies and fetishes with the act of physical pleasure, it may be easier to keep pushing in that direction. Perhaps you could eventually invite another submissive over to simply observe while he is in "sub mode". I'm sure you have many great ideas as well.

    Of course, please only take my advice for what it is - one person's opinion.

    Best of luck!

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