"When I was growing up I was taught that you always have to put others before you. You have to give them priority over you to show that you care and take care of others. They said as long as you did that others would care for you because you were a good person.
You HAVE to be humble
You HAVE to be kind
You HAVE to be selfless"
I don't necessarily agree with this paragraph, because human beings have a nasty habit of mistaking kindness for weakness. Oftentimes when you give an inch people will take a mile. I think it's extremely important to set firm boundaries when helping others. I don't think it's wise to put others before yourself at the expense of your own personal goals, possessions, health and emotions.
If I want to help people I will donate money and time to support charities that help people. I certainly wouldn't allow people who are supposedly in need to live in my house. I think it's very important to maintain balance in one's life.
I think the sort of advice you get online depends on where you go.
To be completely and perhaps brutally honest I rather resent your second paragraph. There are plenty of wonderful people who are not selfless, I don't think it's necessary to put other people before one's self in order to be a good person. I think self-reliance is more important than interdependence. For me being a good person is more about not doing bad things like lying, cheating, stealing etc than overextending yourself. So much of that second paragraph sounds demanding, shaming, guilt provoking and like emotional blackmail. If I want others to know I care for them I will buy them birthday or Christmas gifts or at least cards. I'm not going to put others ahead of myself except my closest family and my partner, and still it's not a hard and fast rule, because it depends on the situation as it's important to stand one's ground in many circumstances.
I am curious, however, as to where you're from. Are you from a more collectivist sort of culture as opposed to say more individualistic sort of cultures?
If you want to live a truly good life you HAVE to set your own life aside. How else are you supposed to be genuine and kind? Putting aside your own goals isn't as important as a homeless guy getting food.
I am so lucky to have been born into a good family. Because of that I have to focus on people with important problems because no one else will and that is sad.
I've learned some good things from my parents and one of them is this: if you take care of yourself, you help one person. If you take care of others, you can help ten people. Which would you choose?
To your question, I'm not sure what you mean by "collectivist"?
Well that's all well and good, but when you board a plane with children, you are told that in a emergency, put your oxygen mask on first, then help your child. Why?? Because unless you are healthy and secure in your breathing, you're no help to anyone, including your child.
What good are you to your child if youre passed out.
You will probably need to copy and paste it into your browser. Also that's not a website that I go to or am familiar with, I just Googled collectivist vs individualist cultures, and that article looked fairly clear and concise.
Oh, ok.
I am from the US, but my town can be seen as collectivist.
I guess some people think this is bad, but if one really wants to be moral they would have to be part of a collectivist culture. Thats how religions like Christianity work anyways.
Thanks for your prompt response. I would have to say that's rather unusual in this day and age. I think in most places especially in large cities people want more variety and freedom of choice as far as their place of worship is concerned. Also there are people who are agnostic and atheist in most places as well as people of faith who prefer not to go to church every week. A lot of people enjoy their privacy and peace and quiet.
I used to live down south in Alabama and Mississippi, but I don't know of any places where everyone goes to the same church down there. Are you living in a commune?
You seem like a sincere person that has the style of "poor in spirit" that Jesus said will someday cause you to inherit the kingdom of heaven. That said, many people in the first world adhere to the ethics of Assholeism. They are facetiously obnoxious to guard their identity, while dealing with others at a superficial level to buy, sell, and produce things. A truly human connection requires trust and they haven't any trust. They can't help you because they don't understand you.
You will find your way in the world. My only advice is, "Keep the faith."
I want to become a good person but the advice online is bs.
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"When I was growing up I was taught that you always have to put others before you. You have to give them priority over you to show that you care and take care of others. They said as long as you did that others would care for you because you were a good person.
You HAVE to be humble
You HAVE to be kind
You HAVE to be selfless"
I don't necessarily agree with this paragraph, because human beings have a nasty habit of mistaking kindness for weakness. Oftentimes when you give an inch people will take a mile. I think it's extremely important to set firm boundaries when helping others. I don't think it's wise to put others before yourself at the expense of your own personal goals, possessions, health and emotions.
If I want to help people I will donate money and time to support charities that help people. I certainly wouldn't allow people who are supposedly in need to live in my house. I think it's very important to maintain balance in one's life.
I think the sort of advice you get online depends on where you go.
To be completely and perhaps brutally honest I rather resent your second paragraph. There are plenty of wonderful people who are not selfless, I don't think it's necessary to put other people before one's self in order to be a good person. I think self-reliance is more important than interdependence. For me being a good person is more about not doing bad things like lying, cheating, stealing etc than overextending yourself. So much of that second paragraph sounds demanding, shaming, guilt provoking and like emotional blackmail. If I want others to know I care for them I will buy them birthday or Christmas gifts or at least cards. I'm not going to put others ahead of myself except my closest family and my partner, and still it's not a hard and fast rule, because it depends on the situation as it's important to stand one's ground in many circumstances.
I am curious, however, as to where you're from. Are you from a more collectivist sort of culture as opposed to say more individualistic sort of cultures?
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If you want to live a truly good life you HAVE to set your own life aside. How else are you supposed to be genuine and kind? Putting aside your own goals isn't as important as a homeless guy getting food.
I am so lucky to have been born into a good family. Because of that I have to focus on people with important problems because no one else will and that is sad.
I've learned some good things from my parents and one of them is this: if you take care of yourself, you help one person. If you take care of others, you can help ten people. Which would you choose?
To your question, I'm not sure what you mean by "collectivist"?
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RoseIsabella
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Well that's all well and good, but when you board a plane with children, you are told that in a emergency, put your oxygen mask on first, then help your child. Why?? Because unless you are healthy and secure in your breathing, you're no help to anyone, including your child.
What good are you to your child if youre passed out.
So it goes in life.
Here is a link that will help you to better understand about collectivist vs individualistic cultures.
https://whitedragonawa.wordpress.com/2014/06/22/individualism-vs-collectivism-which-culture-is-correct-and-most-christian/
You will probably need to copy and paste it into your browser. Also that's not a website that I go to or am familiar with, I just Googled collectivist vs individualist cultures, and that article looked fairly clear and concise.
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Oh, ok.
I am from the US, but my town can be seen as collectivist.
I guess some people think this is bad, but if one really wants to be moral they would have to be part of a collectivist culture. Thats how religions like Christianity work anyways.
--
RoseIsabella
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What part of the U.S.? Does your whole town go to same church?
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The south. also yes, we all go to the same church.
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Thanks for your prompt response. I would have to say that's rather unusual in this day and age. I think in most places especially in large cities people want more variety and freedom of choice as far as their place of worship is concerned. Also there are people who are agnostic and atheist in most places as well as people of faith who prefer not to go to church every week. A lot of people enjoy their privacy and peace and quiet.
I used to live down south in Alabama and Mississippi, but I don't know of any places where everyone goes to the same church down there. Are you living in a commune?
You seem like a sincere person that has the style of "poor in spirit" that Jesus said will someday cause you to inherit the kingdom of heaven. That said, many people in the first world adhere to the ethics of Assholeism. They are facetiously obnoxious to guard their identity, while dealing with others at a superficial level to buy, sell, and produce things. A truly human connection requires trust and they haven't any trust. They can't help you because they don't understand you.
You will find your way in the world. My only advice is, "Keep the faith."