I was bullied for years and years, and in a way I got used to it. I sort of accepted their view of me so that instead of harmful abuse, it became them "simply stating facts". I told myself I was wortless so the anger of being mocked and beated went away, and I told myself I deserved it. I DID NOT. I am a grown man now, and still slightly messed up (anxious, and with a far from healthy level of self-esteem). But, you seem to have gotten it worse. I would definately got to therapy and talk about it (but be carefull if they offers you medication). Talking about it and getting it off your chest might help. Being bullied can mess you up, and there is no shame in seeking help.
I want to be bullied as a way to punish myself
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I was bullied for years and years, and in a way I got used to it. I sort of accepted their view of me so that instead of harmful abuse, it became them "simply stating facts". I told myself I was wortless so the anger of being mocked and beated went away, and I told myself I deserved it. I DID NOT. I am a grown man now, and still slightly messed up (anxious, and with a far from healthy level of self-esteem). But, you seem to have gotten it worse. I would definately got to therapy and talk about it (but be carefull if they offers you medication). Talking about it and getting it off your chest might help. Being bullied can mess you up, and there is no shame in seeking help.