I think you should respect him rather treat him and talk about him as a sex toy. Don't assume you're doing him some big favor by sleeping with him. Maybe he doesn't want to have sex with you.
If a male posted "there is this girl I know who is a virgin and shy, so should I just drag her onto my bed?" The response he would receive would be outrage.
But he's not a girl. He's a man. And if he really didn't want anything to do with her he wouldn't hang out with her. He's lucky to have a girl interested him being the way he is.
How do you know that? I am not saying that she is, but this guy could find her unattractive or be completely uninterested in her for another reason, but be too shy or scared of hurting her feelings to tell her. Every guy in the world does not want the attention of every girl in the world. I have observed many situations where a girl is coming on very strong to a guy who is not interested, but he doesn't want to be mean or hurt her feelings. In my experience guys are less likely to blow a girl off even if they are not interested, because guys have more experience being rejected and know how it feels.
Perhaps he doesn't like her and is too shy. He is not being harmed. This would be a wonderful opportunity for him to grow some balls and reject her, if in fact this is the case. A shy person can avoid someone but it sounds like he's just too shy to be flirtatious or sexual.
There is certainly a very good chance this kid could be super happy and excited about this and think it is the luckiest day of his life. But I don't agree that it can't be harmful.
I have had something similar happen to me, and it was one of the most upsetting experiences of my young life. As a teenager, some girl I was siting on a couch with thought she would do me the wonderful favor of jumping on my lap, straddling me, and she started making out with me. I told her to stop and she said "don't worry, I want to do this." Like she was doing me some big ass favor.
I ended up having to forcibly push her off me where gravity caused her to land with a thump on the floor. The feeling from my point of view was terror and violation, and at the same time I felt horrible that I had to physically remove her and hurt her.
So yea, I recommend some type of commination and implied consent before dragging someone on to a bed. Your suggestion below of easing it to it, I think is much better advice.
I have had an experience similar to VinnyB's only in my case I think it was because they were both competing than any way else.
Basically not soon after I started college, these 2 girls started fighting over me, they were both extremely physical grabbing my arm and moving their desks right up to mine during class, trying to hug me and constantly trying to get me to say that I loved one over the other.
To be frank, they both weren't my type(I have standards, and I know that sounds weird once I've said it)
So I was cruelly harsh with them crushing any attempt of getting together, denying I even liked them right to their faces , whenever some guy tried to ask me which one I liked ('cause they thought it was fun.)
I never had to actually push anyone, but I did end up running and hiding a lot.
In the end they both got the message, and have moved onto other guys, & I can rest in peace.
So....because someone is "socially inept"...they deserve to be harrassed and potentially assaulted or raped.
Nice victim blaming. Someone giving signals that they dont want to be treated a certain way but want to be polite are to be shamed whereas the person harrassing them should keep on.
How do you know he's socially inept, anyway? Based on the judgement of the person harassing him who only cares about her own satisfaction? Yeah sounds accurate.
I guess the same doesn't apply to "socially inept women", though?
All you know is that he's shy. That's it. So for you to throw the word rape around is absolutely ridiculous. This is not a human rights case. This is a guy who can't respond sexually or romantically to a girl because maybe they're both young and he's not matured yet, or he's just bad at it. She said I've asked him out several times. If he's got half a brain and feels like he is being harassed he can say no.
YOU don't know his reasons for not responding. You also don't seem to understand that people don't say no for various reasons - intimidation, politeness, fear if retribution, whatever.
I am merely applying YOUR principles to similar cases. If gender was reversed, if it was a woman receiving unwanted attention, then would you say the same? She should just say no? Or should the person harassing her take note of the obvious physical signs she's not interested, and back the fuck off?
I wanna sleep with a virgin
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I think you should respect him rather treat him and talk about him as a sex toy. Don't assume you're doing him some big favor by sleeping with him. Maybe he doesn't want to have sex with you.
If a male posted "there is this girl I know who is a virgin and shy, so should I just drag her onto my bed?" The response he would receive would be outrage.
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charli.m
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Short4Words
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This.
That poor guy :(
Does this still apply if the boy in question is extremely cute, and I love him?
He likes me too, I'm sure. I hug him all the time, I like too see him squirm and turn into a tomato.
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VinnyB
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charli.m
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Why wouldn't it?
Sounds like you've decided he likes you and that he doesnt get a say in it. Back the fuck off, stop harassing the poor kid.
But he's not a girl. He's a man. And if he really didn't want anything to do with her he wouldn't hang out with her. He's lucky to have a girl interested him being the way he is.
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VinnyB
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charli.m
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How do you know that? I am not saying that she is, but this guy could find her unattractive or be completely uninterested in her for another reason, but be too shy or scared of hurting her feelings to tell her. Every guy in the world does not want the attention of every girl in the world. I have observed many situations where a girl is coming on very strong to a guy who is not interested, but he doesn't want to be mean or hurt her feelings. In my experience guys are less likely to blow a girl off even if they are not interested, because guys have more experience being rejected and know how it feels.
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Short4Words
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Perhaps he doesn't like her and is too shy. He is not being harmed. This would be a wonderful opportunity for him to grow some balls and reject her, if in fact this is the case. A shy person can avoid someone but it sounds like he's just too shy to be flirtatious or sexual.
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VinnyB
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There is certainly a very good chance this kid could be super happy and excited about this and think it is the luckiest day of his life. But I don't agree that it can't be harmful.
I have had something similar happen to me, and it was one of the most upsetting experiences of my young life. As a teenager, some girl I was siting on a couch with thought she would do me the wonderful favor of jumping on my lap, straddling me, and she started making out with me. I told her to stop and she said "don't worry, I want to do this." Like she was doing me some big ass favor.
I ended up having to forcibly push her off me where gravity caused her to land with a thump on the floor. The feeling from my point of view was terror and violation, and at the same time I felt horrible that I had to physically remove her and hurt her.
So yea, I recommend some type of commination and implied consent before dragging someone on to a bed. Your suggestion below of easing it to it, I think is much better advice.
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Short4Words
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I didn't say she should rape the poor boy I just think you're all being too soft on him.
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I have had an experience similar to VinnyB's only in my case I think it was because they were both competing than any way else.
Basically not soon after I started college, these 2 girls started fighting over me, they were both extremely physical grabbing my arm and moving their desks right up to mine during class, trying to hug me and constantly trying to get me to say that I loved one over the other.
To be frank, they both weren't my type(I have standards, and I know that sounds weird once I've said it)
So I was cruelly harsh with them crushing any attempt of getting together, denying I even liked them right to their faces , whenever some guy tried to ask me which one I liked ('cause they thought it was fun.)
I never had to actually push anyone, but I did end up running and hiding a lot.
In the end they both got the message, and have moved onto other guys, & I can rest in peace.
So it's ok for men to be harrassed? They should enjoy unwanted attention purely because they have a penis?
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Short4Words
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Socially inept men, yes. He's not autistic. He can say no. Or should learn how to. Or he's just going to get stepped on.
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daydreamer394
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So....because someone is "socially inept"...they deserve to be harrassed and potentially assaulted or raped.
Nice victim blaming. Someone giving signals that they dont want to be treated a certain way but want to be polite are to be shamed whereas the person harrassing them should keep on.
How do you know he's socially inept, anyway? Based on the judgement of the person harassing him who only cares about her own satisfaction? Yeah sounds accurate.
I guess the same doesn't apply to "socially inept women", though?
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Short4Words
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All you know is that he's shy. That's it. So for you to throw the word rape around is absolutely ridiculous. This is not a human rights case. This is a guy who can't respond sexually or romantically to a girl because maybe they're both young and he's not matured yet, or he's just bad at it. She said I've asked him out several times. If he's got half a brain and feels like he is being harassed he can say no.
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charli.m
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YOU don't know his reasons for not responding. You also don't seem to understand that people don't say no for various reasons - intimidation, politeness, fear if retribution, whatever.
I am merely applying YOUR principles to similar cases. If gender was reversed, if it was a woman receiving unwanted attention, then would you say the same? She should just say no? Or should the person harassing her take note of the obvious physical signs she's not interested, and back the fuck off?
How do you know he's not autistic?