I think this might be the reason for my way of thinking?

I’ve talked about this extensively, so I’ll try to summarize it as best I can. But basically, in high school I had a crush on a friend of mine. She was a somewhat short girl, not midget level (not sure if that’s a ok term to use but whatever) but she was about half my height. She was also very bubbly and energetic, and even thought she could be serious at times, she had a very optimistic attitude and she was very childlike. But over time I felt she was becoming braver than me, and I felt very insecure. It wasn’t like I WANTED her to be scared, but I felt embarrassed she could conquer fears that I still had.

But she’s one example of a few. I’ve always gravitated towards younger girls (not EXTREMELY younger, mind you!) and I always liked female characters who would be damsels or get scared a lot. I think this comes from my innate desire to protect a girl and be her hero, and I think I know why I have that desire: I’m the youngest child in a family with two older sisters, a mother, and a father who’s been dead since I was two months old. I used to always hate being called “the baby of the family” and being associated with little kiddy things just because I was younger. I think this girl really made me feel like a man, but her showing me up constantly rubbed in my face that I’m really not as “manly” as I wanted to be.

I’m not sure if there’s anything wrong with this attitude, but I feel glad I figured it out, as I feel it explains quite a lot of my personality and why I acted the way I did in the past.