I think new-wave feminists are a hindrance to dating

Controversial opinion here:

As a guy, I think dating women is difficult anyway. You have to be the one to tell a girl you're interested in her physical appearance before a date is even on the cards, she decides if you're genuine or a creep, you need to keep her entertained, make her laugh, and pass all her "tests".

Women see attraction as a mental thing, so you have to get into her head and push her buttons/find out about what she likes and dislikes.

I have no idea at the best of times when approaching women, with regards to where the line is between "genuine" and "creepy". Going up and offering to by her a drink in a bar seems too corny and obvious, and standing back and not saying anything but frequently looking over is unlikely to work either.

I think new-wave feminism (or for want of a better phrase, new-wave feminist "mentality") has made this situation even harder than it needs to be.

Is it normal?

Is It Normal?
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  • It really depends on the location or situation if your advances are welcomed. In the workplace, especially if you are a superior it is a hard no, don't do it. Workplace romances in general are super risky because it could jeopardize both your jobs depending on company policy or if things dont't go well.

    Your best bet is to pick places where advances are welcomed like bars, clubs, or meet and greets. Join meetup.com and do things that you're interested in to meet singles that way.

    Most single women are in fact more likely to accept the advances from men in the right setting, because so many men are reluctant to make a move given the current climate.

    Women can generally tell from a mile away if you're creepy or not, so it you're not weird, you can do well asking someone out in appropriate places.

    If all else fails, join a dating app. Atleast then when you make contact you know they are atleast somewhat interested and can proceed from there.

    #metoo was/is a necessary movement to bring knowlege and punishment to predators like Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein. Reasonable people realize it went too far and saw harmless, good men getting dragged down by agenda driven women.

    Women are more judgemental of other women than men are and are well aware of the current climate, so if you are respectable and desirable you need not worry.

    The hardcore feminists that are trying to take your balls are either lesbians or are no one you want to be with anyways.

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    • This is excellent advice.

      Although it's sad about Harvey Weinstein because, predictably, he did not get his just desserts. People like that never do. It's fucking bullshit.

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  • Controversial opinion here: If you gotta blame your dating failures on others' preferences then you probably are a creep.

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    • This.

      Perhaps if OP started treating women as people instead of objects to obtain...

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      • That is what everyone says! But how exactly does one do that? I also sometimes feel guilty for deep down only wanting sex. Your right that this guy should not be this concerned though.

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        • If you’re only into sex then why not just bang prostitutes constantly? Or hook up with nymphos and women who are just as desperate as you?

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          • Good question! Couple things...

            1. I live in the US where its illegal and I have a conscience about that sort of thing.

            2. I am only a poor college kid going to a fairly expensive school. With how horny I am, I could easily see myself screwing myself over financially.

            3. Last, and most importantly, sex is better when you at least have SOME kind of history with the person. Even though I love sex, I will take someone I know from the gym(there are lots of those!), school or from work,over a much more attractive stranger most of the time. Its almost like I get some satisfaction of getting to know or be around them first kinda like getting emotionally vested in a movie character.

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        • Do you treat the women you get sex from as objects, though? Are they also only interested in sex?

          How do you do it?? Dude come on. You don't know how to treat people as people?

          There's a difference between wanting casual sex and just being a cunt.

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          • I try not to, and they usually don't think so after the fact. Its the approach and getting to know them that makes me get cold feet. I do know how to treat people as people, and I often do, but when I am so damn horny, it becomes difficult. I suppose I could reword my question as : what types of things do guys do that make women feel like objects rather than people?

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            • Honestly, "too horny" is a cop out. You're better than that. Most men are. Do you treat all people differently under that excuse or just women you're attracted to? How do you treat women you're not attracted to in general?

              Hard to answer your question without knowing your behaviour. It's too general and gonna be different person to person, even with some universality.

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      • Right, this guy would not want to go out with someone he finds physically unattractive, yet can’t grasp that women don’t want to go out with him because they find his personality unattractive. DaMn FeMiNisM!!

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    • im a creep but they also told me to be myself so there ya go

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    • Not really what we are here for, just help the dude, we don't need to throw him into the fire.

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  • Not a comment on the feminist thing but just on the way you described dating - stop trying to get inside a girl's head. Obviously you need to make an effort and be polite but ultimately just be yourself on a date. If she doesn't like that then fuck her, plenty more fish in the sea.

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  • My God it's so bad here in California, women hate even the mention of trump, to the point of just existing the conversation without a chance of explanation. Some rant at abortion rights like they dont belive 50% of women are pro life. It's so annoying.

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  • I guess I can see where you are coming from, but its not really anything you can change on your own.
    So better just set it aside and don't let it shroud your mind to think that there are outside forces that keeps you down.

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    • Actual genuine advice. Thanks!

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  • An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."

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  • I never noticed large groups of feminists hanging around my area, at least not being vocal about it.

    Being genuine is just being yourself and talking to people. You're putting way too much thought into this, like women have some kind of checklist in their mind and if you do all the right things they'll reward you with sex. Just go out and talk to people.

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  • I don't think feminism is the reason why you aren't getting a date, interestingly you kinda of stated some things that a woman is looking for in your comment.

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  • Yes new-wave feminism is dumb, irritating and toxic, but I’m so sick of people complaining about it. Find something to focus on. You’re really no different than the females who bitch about toxic masculinity. God does everybody whines so much.

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    • Exactly!!
      And I am not into these buzz words but I think that "toxic masculinity" is a misunderstood one. What I gather, toxic masculinity refers to ideas like: men cannot be raped or abused, men should never cry, etc.
      People seem to think it means that masculinity in itself is toxic,I guess poor choice of phrasing on whoever made up the term. But I don't see how awareness of the original concept is bad or so hated by anti-feminists.

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  • I havent ran into any feminist women where I live. Not the crazy ones that I see on YouTube anyway.

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    • As a feminist I can confirm that most of us aren't that crazy. The left has some wackos out there, but so does the right. Extremism and political polarization is one of the biggest problems we face today.

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