Japanese society is extremely racist and xenophobia is deeply rooted in the culture. If your girlfriend grew up in Japan - or if she grew up in a first-generation immigrant family - she will have absorbed those attitudes. She may not be consciously aware of them, but they'll still be there, even after she's been living in a different culture for years.
It seems pretty clear to me that what she said indicates that in her head, there's a stereotype of what a black man looks like, and that guy isn't very attractive. Maybe you should ask her if she's ever told a Japanese boyfriend that he was more handsome than other Japanese men, or if she's ever told a white boyfriend that he was more handsome than other white men. If she hasn't ever done that, then it suggests she thinks of such men as being "normal", while black men are "other".
from what she's told me I'm her second boyfriend and her last boyfriend was Chinese but ill ask to see if she said something similar like that to him. but how would I bring it up?
yeah Japanese culture is extremely isolationist but crazy thing is when she introduced me to her parents they didn't have any issues with me or the fact that me and their daughter is dating and both of them grew up in japan.
If your relationship is serious enough that you've met her parents and if her comment is really bothering you, why not just tell her about your unease and ask the question?
It's good that her parents are relaxed about you being involved with her, since that minimises a possibly huge source of tension. Even if racist attitudes are so common in a particular culture that most people don't even know they're racist, that doesn't mean everyone has extreme views on the subject.
I think my girlfriend is a little bit racist
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Japanese society is extremely racist and xenophobia is deeply rooted in the culture. If your girlfriend grew up in Japan - or if she grew up in a first-generation immigrant family - she will have absorbed those attitudes. She may not be consciously aware of them, but they'll still be there, even after she's been living in a different culture for years.
It seems pretty clear to me that what she said indicates that in her head, there's a stereotype of what a black man looks like, and that guy isn't very attractive. Maybe you should ask her if she's ever told a Japanese boyfriend that he was more handsome than other Japanese men, or if she's ever told a white boyfriend that he was more handsome than other white men. If she hasn't ever done that, then it suggests she thinks of such men as being "normal", while black men are "other".
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Anonymous Post Author
4 years ago
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from what she's told me I'm her second boyfriend and her last boyfriend was Chinese but ill ask to see if she said something similar like that to him. but how would I bring it up?
yeah Japanese culture is extremely isolationist but crazy thing is when she introduced me to her parents they didn't have any issues with me or the fact that me and their daughter is dating and both of them grew up in japan.
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Boojum
4 years ago
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If your relationship is serious enough that you've met her parents and if her comment is really bothering you, why not just tell her about your unease and ask the question?
It's good that her parents are relaxed about you being involved with her, since that minimises a possibly huge source of tension. Even if racist attitudes are so common in a particular culture that most people don't even know they're racist, that doesn't mean everyone has extreme views on the subject.
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Anonymous Post Author
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your completely right thank you.