I think about violence quite often, but i'm a total pacifist?

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I have something of an obsession with violence, sometimes. Slow-motion headshots with bits of brain flying everywhere make me giggle. I play video games all the time involving guns and gore, and that makes up at least 20% of my interest in the game. While playing the game, I enjoy killing the other team's characters.

HOWEVER,

I am also an /extreme/ pacifist. If I accidentally step on your foot, I will apologize a thousand times and feel like the worst person in the entire world. It also hurts me to tears whenever any animal other than a bug is harmed.
I feel the same way about hurting someone's emotions - if I were to accidentally bully someone, I would proceed to do /anything/ to make them feel better, to the point of almost being their slave.

Both of these attitudes may or may not be normal, but what I'm asking is -
Is it normal for me to harbor both these attitudes at the same time? Violent thoughts, but the repressing feeling that I would almost literally want to die if I ever acted them out?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 6 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • snarkygirl
    8 years ago | pl

    I'm only half a pacifist

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago | pl

    That's kinda how I am, only without the video games. Sometimes when people tick me off I think of all the ways I could hurt them. But I would feel horrible if I did. Ugh. I hate being nice ;)

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  • CYBORG
    12 years ago | pl

    I am the exact same way. I am an extreme pacifist and animal/nature lover with an interest in eastern philosophies centering around the Earth. I rescue bugs caught in the house, and take them and set them outside. I am sometimes even too kind to people. I help even when I really shouldn't because I don't really have the money or time to give .

    HOWEVER, I also am well aware that I have a violence fetish. I love watching violence on tv and video games. I do comics and draw very violent things. I even have very violent sex. Nothing gets me off more then slapping, biting and choking my boy friend, and being hit and choked back.

    It is a very strange duality. However, I believe it is perfectly healthy. What you are feeling is most likely a fetish, whether it be necessarily sexual or not. All people have their very own fetishes and nothing is wrong as long as you do not hurt anyone (including animals) you are fine ;)

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago | pl

    I'm the exact same way but I'm a girl..so it's not really attractive.......

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  • nobody.
    13 years ago | pl

    I feel exactly the same. Thanks Jason1980 for the advice!

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  • Jason1980
    13 years ago | pl

    I think lots of people sometimes have contradictory thoughts and attitudes, so it’s probably normal in a sense. But you might want to zero in on why you have these opposing feelings, because they sound like they might be a little extreme on both ends. I used to be a serial apologizer too, but saying sorry once should usually be enough, especially for minor things. And as long as your violent feelings are only related to videogames, then that’s probably okay. Good luck.

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