I had a male bestfriend that I had to dump almost twenty years ago. He had a thing for me, but I didn't wanna see it, but then one day he told me in graphic detail what he wanted to do to me so I pretty much had no choice, but to dump him. He should have kept his mouth shut. He told me he was joking, but the trust was gone, and I'm not going to remain friends with someone I don't trust.
We had been close friends for about twelve, or thirteen years before he made it really weird.
I'm sorry that this happened but I'm also laughing at this because I'm trying to imagine the guy explain how this was a "joke"! Yeah, because we all make jokes like that lol...
Thank you so much for your response! I really appreciate your point of view on this thing here.
This actually happened back in May of 2000 about a week before I scheduled to fly to Houston, Texas from Jackson, Mississippi for a vacation to visit friends, and I had planned to split time my between my my two best friends. I would stay a little over half the time with my female best friend, her husband and two daughters, then I would spend a few days with my guy bestfriend. Obviously after my guy bestfriend told me in graphic detail what he wanted to do to me sexually I sure as Hell wasn't going to be spending time with him, much less spending the night at his place. My trust of him as a dear, close, platonic, male friend was irreparably shattered. I told him I needed some space, and he cried about it, but that was the end of our friendship almost nineteen years ago.
Also I want to mention that I was married to my first husband at the time, and so I really didn't want to remain friends with someone who had disrespected my then husband by saying all of that garbage to me. As far as I am concerned he gave me no choice.
Women shouldn't put up with bullshit that makes them uncomfortable just because the guy who said it was a so called "friend". There is truth in jest!
William Shakespeare — "Many a true word hath been spoken in jest."
You 100% did the right thing. He obviously had planned to fuck you while you stayed there. Creepy. It's not even like he made a declaration of love - he just said sexual stuff. That's disappointing and it sours the whole friendship. You can't unhear those things. And yeah, as you say, you were married at the time so that makes it 10 times worse. He's basically saying "hey, why don't you cheat on your husband with me because I fancy you?". That's not what friends do.
He was my friend, and I loved him like a brother, I'd gladly have taken a bullet for him, but I wouldn't sleep with him if he were the last man on Earth!
Once again I really, and truly appreciate your response, because I don't think there's anything outlandish about what I've said, and done, but there are so many stupid men who get resentful toward me about that friendship I let go of so long ago. They basically project all their bad experiences about being friendzoned onto me for whatever selfish, and pathetic reason. I have been friendzoned in my life, and it's never hurt or angered me, because I've always recognized that other people have a right to say no to me, or anyone else for whatever reason they so choose. Sure it hurts to be rejected, but if I can't get over it then I have to just walk away from the friendship instead wasting my life pining for someone who doesn't want me anyway. Part of respecting one's own self is learning to respect other people.
Once again thanks for your healthy, and robust response.
Nope, he has NEVER tried to contact me, thank God! I don't think I could ever rekindle that friendship we once had, because he obviously had a lack of respect for me, my marriage at the time and what I would want.
He did it to himself, and to me. I'm actually quite grateful, because it was better to have ended our friendship than have him try to put the moves on me when I'm drunk, or stoned and hanging out with him.
Aww man similar things have happened to me, but not to that extent. I felt bad for them because they probably were just too dumb in a way to realize what they were doing. had a guy friend recently tell me something rather disturbing sexually, then also said it was a joke afterwards and a believed it was, now im worried it wasn't. Makes it worse to lie that it's a joke if its not.
But yeah it's good that he told you before you went to visit, where it could have happened in person. yikes
I really like a guy as a friend but he's single and likes me?
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Yeah, it's fine, but if you don't like him like that then don't take it any further. It's his problem, not yours
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RoseIsabella
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Yep, this is the best answer!
I had a male bestfriend that I had to dump almost twenty years ago. He had a thing for me, but I didn't wanna see it, but then one day he told me in graphic detail what he wanted to do to me so I pretty much had no choice, but to dump him. He should have kept his mouth shut. He told me he was joking, but the trust was gone, and I'm not going to remain friends with someone I don't trust.
We had been close friends for about twelve, or thirteen years before he made it really weird.
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SwickDinging
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I'm sorry that this happened but I'm also laughing at this because I'm trying to imagine the guy explain how this was a "joke"! Yeah, because we all make jokes like that lol...
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RoseIsabella
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Thank you so much for your response! I really appreciate your point of view on this thing here.
This actually happened back in May of 2000 about a week before I scheduled to fly to Houston, Texas from Jackson, Mississippi for a vacation to visit friends, and I had planned to split time my between my my two best friends. I would stay a little over half the time with my female best friend, her husband and two daughters, then I would spend a few days with my guy bestfriend. Obviously after my guy bestfriend told me in graphic detail what he wanted to do to me sexually I sure as Hell wasn't going to be spending time with him, much less spending the night at his place. My trust of him as a dear, close, platonic, male friend was irreparably shattered. I told him I needed some space, and he cried about it, but that was the end of our friendship almost nineteen years ago.
Also I want to mention that I was married to my first husband at the time, and so I really didn't want to remain friends with someone who had disrespected my then husband by saying all of that garbage to me. As far as I am concerned he gave me no choice.
Women shouldn't put up with bullshit that makes them uncomfortable just because the guy who said it was a so called "friend". There is truth in jest!
William Shakespeare — "Many a true word hath been spoken in jest."
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mauzi
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You 100% did the right thing. He obviously had planned to fuck you while you stayed there. Creepy. It's not even like he made a declaration of love - he just said sexual stuff. That's disappointing and it sours the whole friendship. You can't unhear those things. And yeah, as you say, you were married at the time so that makes it 10 times worse. He's basically saying "hey, why don't you cheat on your husband with me because I fancy you?". That's not what friends do.
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RoseIsabella
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RoseIsabella
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👍🏻
He was my friend, and I loved him like a brother, I'd gladly have taken a bullet for him, but I wouldn't sleep with him if he were the last man on Earth!
Once again I really, and truly appreciate your response, because I don't think there's anything outlandish about what I've said, and done, but there are so many stupid men who get resentful toward me about that friendship I let go of so long ago. They basically project all their bad experiences about being friendzoned onto me for whatever selfish, and pathetic reason. I have been friendzoned in my life, and it's never hurt or angered me, because I've always recognized that other people have a right to say no to me, or anyone else for whatever reason they so choose. Sure it hurts to be rejected, but if I can't get over it then I have to just walk away from the friendship instead wasting my life pining for someone who doesn't want me anyway. Part of respecting one's own self is learning to respect other people.
Once again thanks for your healthy, and robust response.
Ahah good point, damn that’s sad though, does he ever try to contact you anymore ?
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RoseIsabella
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Nope, he has NEVER tried to contact me, thank God! I don't think I could ever rekindle that friendship we once had, because he obviously had a lack of respect for me, my marriage at the time and what I would want.
He did it to himself, and to me. I'm actually quite grateful, because it was better to have ended our friendship than have him try to put the moves on me when I'm drunk, or stoned and hanging out with him.
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mauzi
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Aww man similar things have happened to me, but not to that extent. I felt bad for them because they probably were just too dumb in a way to realize what they were doing. had a guy friend recently tell me something rather disturbing sexually, then also said it was a joke afterwards and a believed it was, now im worried it wasn't. Makes it worse to lie that it's a joke if its not.
But yeah it's good that he told you before you went to visit, where it could have happened in person. yikes