I really don't want to be alive

9 Comments

I've felt this way on and off since I was 15 (25 now). I have lots 'going for me' but honestly I don't care. I've seen lots of therapists and worked very hard on myself. I do have great stretches of time where I feel life is beautiful and surprising. But it's just not worth the ugliness of everything else to me.

I feel like everyone is so inauthentic when it comes to talk about suicide. It's always: "it will get better", "find help" etc. What if I want to die? Isn't that my decision?

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Comments ( 9 )
  • Iszzy123
    6 years ago

    Good people makes life worth living

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    • Nemurin
      6 years ago

      I agree!
      When you take your life, I picture it as not just taking it away from yourself, but also from the people who enjoyed it and loved it. Hope OP can stay strong.

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      • Alichael
        6 years ago

        Yeh. Think of your family! Killing yourself is the cruelest thing to do to anybody who cares about you.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          Or maybe they can respect my decision

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          • Alichael
            6 years ago

            You know how distraught and shaken up they'll be? I have a friend who's sister's son killed himself, and she had a complete breakdown.

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  • Ua
    6 years ago

    Your choice

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  • Shroot
    6 years ago

    Work towards a goal

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  • barstool
    6 years ago

    It IS your decision, but it's a brutal fucking thing to do to your family. That's just the harsh reality of it. It's unfair, but...it's how it is.

    When you're in a good stretch and life is okay, do you still think you'd like to die? Or does suicide seem like a dumb idea then?

    That's what I find. When things are good, you can't really understand why you seriously wanted to die. And when things are shit, you can't understand how you ever *didn't* want to die.

    So I say it's best to err on the side of caution. ie. Refrain from killing yourself. Because it only makes sense some of the time.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      Clever response but actually many times when life is going well I think to myself that maybe I should just kill myself then because it will inevitably get bad soon

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