Doesnt it seem like you ( i am including myself here also) are not really "living" this life but rather just observing it from a distance? Ive often asked myself if this is really the way to live life. It is this questioning that often depresses me. Like you've said, you feel like something separate...who doesn't belong with everyone else. But the keyword is observing. Your first paragraph inputs more concisely, and that incident years ago was very vivid; just reading about it was warming:)
When I was younger, family meetings were almost painful. My family labeled me as the "girl who never smiles" and my mom would juxtapose me and my sister, who was the complete opposite of me: loud, vociferous, giggly..etc I would have this internal thought, however serious on the outside
To this day me and my sister do not have a relationship, alot due to our differences. But I was always willing to accept her as she was, she on the other hand, completely shunned me.
A genuine thank you:) for your input. I now know that there is someone out there in the world, even if we communicate via internet, who has had the same experiences.
Yes, exactly. Although I look like part of the social whirl and I am genuinely friendly and people like being around me, it's rare that I'm immersed in the moment. I think most people often are. I watch them and they're living life, not thinking about the life that is unfolding in front of them.
I know people have sometimes said it was difficult to be around me because of the amount of thinking I do but these are people who only notice because they know me very well. I don't have natural human reactions to things; I have considered reactions. I spot patterns and I know people and situations in ways other than it being familiar because I feel it too. It's not that I feel it; it's that I've previously observed it.
It used to bother me, I think, but I came to terms with it. People are different. I'm different. It makes life harder at times and it sometimes makes me feel isolated. But I do such a good impression of being a normal person that, to most people, I am just a normal person. Not many people know what's going on inside.
Hang in there, yeah? If it helps, there are many situations where people specifically want to be around me rather than others because I'm a calming influence and I don't impose myself. We make the best of what we're given.
I RARELY laugh
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Doesnt it seem like you ( i am including myself here also) are not really "living" this life but rather just observing it from a distance? Ive often asked myself if this is really the way to live life. It is this questioning that often depresses me. Like you've said, you feel like something separate...who doesn't belong with everyone else. But the keyword is observing. Your first paragraph inputs more concisely, and that incident years ago was very vivid; just reading about it was warming:)
When I was younger, family meetings were almost painful. My family labeled me as the "girl who never smiles" and my mom would juxtapose me and my sister, who was the complete opposite of me: loud, vociferous, giggly..etc I would have this internal thought, however serious on the outside
To this day me and my sister do not have a relationship, alot due to our differences. But I was always willing to accept her as she was, she on the other hand, completely shunned me.
A genuine thank you:) for your input. I now know that there is someone out there in the world, even if we communicate via internet, who has had the same experiences.
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dappled
10 years ago
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Yes, exactly. Although I look like part of the social whirl and I am genuinely friendly and people like being around me, it's rare that I'm immersed in the moment. I think most people often are. I watch them and they're living life, not thinking about the life that is unfolding in front of them.
I know people have sometimes said it was difficult to be around me because of the amount of thinking I do but these are people who only notice because they know me very well. I don't have natural human reactions to things; I have considered reactions. I spot patterns and I know people and situations in ways other than it being familiar because I feel it too. It's not that I feel it; it's that I've previously observed it.
It used to bother me, I think, but I came to terms with it. People are different. I'm different. It makes life harder at times and it sometimes makes me feel isolated. But I do such a good impression of being a normal person that, to most people, I am just a normal person. Not many people know what's going on inside.
Hang in there, yeah? If it helps, there are many situations where people specifically want to be around me rather than others because I'm a calming influence and I don't impose myself. We make the best of what we're given.