I can relate, although I think by doing so I'm showing a negative side of my character. I do try to be inclusive and to enjoy people for who they are. Sometimes I see people delighted by things that seem so banal, it makes me wonder what's going on in the mind of the person so delighted. Other times, I don't really feel like part of the human race. I feel like something separate, someone who doesn't belong with everyone else, and I find it difficult to appreciate human things.
When I thought of things that make me genuinely happy, my first thought was standing outside a pub when a builder pulled up in his van. He had an Italian water dog. First off, I love the idea that he takes his dog to work, like she's a friend or companion. She leapt out of the van, looked up at me, and then just leant heavily against my legs while I stroked her. It was sheer trust. Completely uncomplicated. Natural. Simple. And it made me really happy. The sad bit is that this happened four years ago and this was my first thought about happiness.
I don't tend to smile or laugh a lot. My family often commented that I was the boy who never smiled. It's not that I'm always serious; I'm not. It's just like you. I've worked it out in my head. I see jokes coming a mile off and I'm always polite and never interrupt even though it's painful.
IIN is one of the places where I do enjoy myself, though. There are some funny people here; people like us, I think. This site has often made me laugh out loud. It's a big compliment to the users.
Doesnt it seem like you ( i am including myself here also) are not really "living" this life but rather just observing it from a distance? Ive often asked myself if this is really the way to live life. It is this questioning that often depresses me. Like you've said, you feel like something separate...who doesn't belong with everyone else. But the keyword is observing. Your first paragraph inputs more concisely, and that incident years ago was very vivid; just reading about it was warming:)
When I was younger, family meetings were almost painful. My family labeled me as the "girl who never smiles" and my mom would juxtapose me and my sister, who was the complete opposite of me: loud, vociferous, giggly..etc I would have this internal thought, however serious on the outside
To this day me and my sister do not have a relationship, alot due to our differences. But I was always willing to accept her as she was, she on the other hand, completely shunned me.
A genuine thank you:) for your input. I now know that there is someone out there in the world, even if we communicate via internet, who has had the same experiences.
Yes, exactly. Although I look like part of the social whirl and I am genuinely friendly and people like being around me, it's rare that I'm immersed in the moment. I think most people often are. I watch them and they're living life, not thinking about the life that is unfolding in front of them.
I know people have sometimes said it was difficult to be around me because of the amount of thinking I do but these are people who only notice because they know me very well. I don't have natural human reactions to things; I have considered reactions. I spot patterns and I know people and situations in ways other than it being familiar because I feel it too. It's not that I feel it; it's that I've previously observed it.
It used to bother me, I think, but I came to terms with it. People are different. I'm different. It makes life harder at times and it sometimes makes me feel isolated. But I do such a good impression of being a normal person that, to most people, I am just a normal person. Not many people know what's going on inside.
Hang in there, yeah? If it helps, there are many situations where people specifically want to be around me rather than others because I'm a calming influence and I don't impose myself. We make the best of what we're given.
I RARELY laugh
← View full post
I can relate, although I think by doing so I'm showing a negative side of my character. I do try to be inclusive and to enjoy people for who they are. Sometimes I see people delighted by things that seem so banal, it makes me wonder what's going on in the mind of the person so delighted. Other times, I don't really feel like part of the human race. I feel like something separate, someone who doesn't belong with everyone else, and I find it difficult to appreciate human things.
When I thought of things that make me genuinely happy, my first thought was standing outside a pub when a builder pulled up in his van. He had an Italian water dog. First off, I love the idea that he takes his dog to work, like she's a friend or companion. She leapt out of the van, looked up at me, and then just leant heavily against my legs while I stroked her. It was sheer trust. Completely uncomplicated. Natural. Simple. And it made me really happy. The sad bit is that this happened four years ago and this was my first thought about happiness.
I don't tend to smile or laugh a lot. My family often commented that I was the boy who never smiled. It's not that I'm always serious; I'm not. It's just like you. I've worked it out in my head. I see jokes coming a mile off and I'm always polite and never interrupt even though it's painful.
IIN is one of the places where I do enjoy myself, though. There are some funny people here; people like us, I think. This site has often made me laugh out loud. It's a big compliment to the users.
--
howaminotmyself
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
-
Anonymous Post Author
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
Oddly, this site makes me feel humorless. Most of what makes other "lol" makes me cringe.
--
dappled
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
Ahh, I know. We're a mixed bag and not all of it is to my taste but, even just a few hours ago, DannyKanes came out with a corker!
--
howaminotmyself
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
A mixed bag of what?
Doesnt it seem like you ( i am including myself here also) are not really "living" this life but rather just observing it from a distance? Ive often asked myself if this is really the way to live life. It is this questioning that often depresses me. Like you've said, you feel like something separate...who doesn't belong with everyone else. But the keyword is observing. Your first paragraph inputs more concisely, and that incident years ago was very vivid; just reading about it was warming:)
When I was younger, family meetings were almost painful. My family labeled me as the "girl who never smiles" and my mom would juxtapose me and my sister, who was the complete opposite of me: loud, vociferous, giggly..etc I would have this internal thought, however serious on the outside
To this day me and my sister do not have a relationship, alot due to our differences. But I was always willing to accept her as she was, she on the other hand, completely shunned me.
A genuine thank you:) for your input. I now know that there is someone out there in the world, even if we communicate via internet, who has had the same experiences.
--
dappled
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
Yes, exactly. Although I look like part of the social whirl and I am genuinely friendly and people like being around me, it's rare that I'm immersed in the moment. I think most people often are. I watch them and they're living life, not thinking about the life that is unfolding in front of them.
I know people have sometimes said it was difficult to be around me because of the amount of thinking I do but these are people who only notice because they know me very well. I don't have natural human reactions to things; I have considered reactions. I spot patterns and I know people and situations in ways other than it being familiar because I feel it too. It's not that I feel it; it's that I've previously observed it.
It used to bother me, I think, but I came to terms with it. People are different. I'm different. It makes life harder at times and it sometimes makes me feel isolated. But I do such a good impression of being a normal person that, to most people, I am just a normal person. Not many people know what's going on inside.
Hang in there, yeah? If it helps, there are many situations where people specifically want to be around me rather than others because I'm a calming influence and I don't impose myself. We make the best of what we're given.