I put a whole stick of butter in my roommate's smoothies

My roommate had sex with my boyfriemd right after we broke up and I'm pretty sure they were fucking while he and I were still together even though they both deny it. Well when I make smoothies for my roommate and I, I put a stick of butter, sometimes more in hers. I want that bitch to get fat and its working lol. She asks why its greasy and I say thats just the avocado lol. She works out almost everyday but apparently not hard enough! Serves the hooker right for fucking my man behind my back.

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Based on 21 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 41 )
  • wigz

    Fat doesn't make you fat... you're wasting your money. Put some sugar or carb in there instead, duh.

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    • Exactly! If she really wants to get nasty put some sugar in it instead. It would take a lot of butter to do what just a little sugar would.

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      • wigz

        Yep!

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    • Actually eating more calories than you burn leads to weight gain, regardless. But yeah I put a ton of sugar in hers along with cranberries to balance out the sweetness. ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜˜

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  • Boojum

    Made me laugh. Yeah, I imagine a smoothie that's 50% butter would be just a little greasy.

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  • dirtybirdy

    Lies..... however typical,,,,, what about the ex boyfriend???

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    • What about him? I dont even see him barely ever.

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  • Jonniebonnire

    Haha, that is a great way to get rid of her.

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  • SmokeEverything

    This is a pretty funny revenge plan, you get a lot of credit for planning something cheap, easy, and effective, and also hilarious. If you have the freedom to sneak sticks of butter in there why not experiment with other non-leathal yet hilarious secret ingredients? I've heard of funny things done with laxatives at certain inconvenient times.

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    • RoseIsabella

      *poop*

      I don't know why, but after reading and responding to your post I now cannot get Hootie and the Blowfish out of my head.

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      • SmokeEverything

        I remember the whole controversy when hootie blew that guy from phish. not many funny pranks there though.

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    • pendletonGibbs

      A little poop with e coli

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      • SmokeEverything

        Wouldnt want people to like die or anything though, cause then you go to jail and the prank war is over

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        • I'm only medium evil lol

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          • SmokeEverything

            Take a tall rectangular garbage can, fill it with water, and lean it on your victims door late at night. When they go to leave the house in the morning, BOOM! Water all over the floor.

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  • Ellenna

    It was very tactless and uncaring of your room mate (I assume you mean housemate or flatmate, she doesn't live in one room with you?) to have sex with your ex so soon after a breakup, but you didn't own him and she has no loyalty to you.

    Guess what? He had sex with her, assuming it was mutual? And you don't know they were fucking before your breakup,you only suspect it.

    In any event, obviously you don't trust her and she doesn't care about your feelings: get a new house/apartment mate rather than playing silly games. If you're only fantasizing about doing this to her, that's quite healthy: after my marriage break up many decades ago, my girlfriend and I plotted how to plant heroin at his house and then anonymously dob him in. We had no access to heroin and of course we never did it, but plotting it in detail was a good way of dealing with my anger with him.

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    • Roommate in the states is the same thing as flatmate in Europe. We don't actually share a room.. I am moving out and in with a friend soon anyways. I'm not so evil as to plot to plant drugs and put her in prison and ruin her life or infect her with diseases like other people have suggested..I just give her a bit of help to make her fat. I heard from friends they were getting it on so I'm basically sure. I'm so glad you and your friends didn't plant heroin on your ex, thst is so twisted that I am a saint in comparison. I'm glad you didn't do it.

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      • Ellenna

        I was very angry at the time and he's dead now anyway, but for many years I occasionally wished I had done it. The plot was hatched immediately after he got custody of our 5 year old daughter with lies which were believed and my evidence of his violence not believed. Plotting his downfall was therapeutic for me at the time because I felt so powerless and in fact that custody loss adversely affected both me and my daughter for decades.

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        • I'm sorry to hear that and you and your daughter went through all that. Nvm maybe he would have deserved that.

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  • RoseIsabella

    How about getting a new roommate? Yeah, she's definitely a skank-ho, but your stupid ex boyfriend isn't blameless either. He isn't a helpless little woodland creature, he's a selfish douchebag! While I understand and empathize with your plight I also think it's probably best that you not do this, because there could be karmic repercussions. Find a new roommate, and leave her nasty ass be, because what goes around comes around, and she will reap what she has sown.

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    • Ellenna

      Karmic repercussions? What goes around comes around? Newage (rhymes with sewage) bullshit: unfortunately it's all random - get used to it.

      And guess what? My karma is to question people's beliefs in lazy "metaphysical" nonsense!

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      • RoseIsabella

        Not really. You're just bitter and angry, because your life experience with organized religion was negative and oppressive.

        I try to be tolerant and respectful of our differences, but you keep beating this rotting corpse of a dead horse that is your opinion of all world religions. It's really quite sad, boring really.

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        • Ellenna

          I'm not bitter or angry, I just have a very efficient bullshit detector.

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      • New age and sewage don't rhyme. You probably should be careful fucking with karma since you plotted to plant heroin on someone. Imagine if you went through with it.. Your evil makes me look like an angel. OUCH!@!

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        • Ellenna

          Check out my post above about why and when I plotted the heroin plant. Newage and sewage DO rhyme if you leave out the space between new and age.

          I don't believe plotting something I didn't go through with makes me evil: he was evil and so was the family court system

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  • MrDexter

    This post made me laugh so hard xD keep doing what your doing

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  • paramore93

    How are you going to feel when your roommate has a heart attack and dies?

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    • We're young and in shape no one's going to die... She just has a harmless extra 1000 calories in her diet ๐Ÿ˜‚

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      • paramore93

        Consuming that much butter frequently will definitely be clogging her arteries ..
        Being in shape and working out will not unclog said arteries ..
        Why don't you use words and tell her how mad you are instead of being such a child?

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        • I did use my words. All of them. Ones you wouldn't say in front of your grandma. She was the one acting like a little middle school child. Who fucks her roommate's boyfriend when she's on a campus of 40,000+ that is 72% male? I think my passive aggressive, fat ass creating, butter smoothie making, is quite the adulting. With sugar on top. *blender drop*

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        • Ellenna

          Oh come on, it takes years of a high fat diet to clog up arteries, not just a few butter smoothies!

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      • paramore93

        You think that's harmless?

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        • It's not harmful enough to kill her.

          Besides, if the roommate is not smart enough to realize that there's a whole stick of butter in her smoothie, then she probably won't recognize the fatty and sugary ingredients packed into processed foods anyway.

          Stupidity will fuck her either way, so maybe she has it coming.

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    • Ellenna

      Oh for goodness sake, not all experts agree a high fat diet causes heart attacks via high "bad" cholesterol and even if it does (which I personally believe is almost certainly true) it's a long term effect, not via a few butter smoothies!

      Anyway, I reckon OP is fantasizing about doing this: how come her room mate doesn't notice that there's lots of butter in the fridge but all vanishing one by one every day?

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      • paramore93

        Well let's hope so because perfectly healthy looking young people have heart attacks every day due to clogged arteries.

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        • Ellenna

          Actually they don't in this country: maybe in the usa? In fact in young healthy appearing people heart attacks are almost invariably caused by an undiagnosed and previously asymptomatic genetic heart condition, as happens all too often with young fit sportsmen

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          • paramore93

            You're missing the point, it's potentially dangerous and just childish af

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            • Ellenna

              Yeah I agree with that

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    • Nickvey

      Butter , i mean better

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  • MrsEdGein

    Reminds me of the time years ago when one night my younger sister asked me to make her a drink and I did. When I was making it I got an urge to spit in it to see if I could get away with it so I hocked up a wad of saliva and spat it into the drink and mixed it in well and gave it to my sister who drank it with no complaints and I was laughing on the inside. I never told her I did it and because I'm now jealous of her (for other reasons) I never will. Sometimes when I think back on it my mind sings this little song: "I spat in it and swished it around". LOL

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    • That's disgusting and I disagree with it, but I did get a chuckle from your comment.

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