I don't think it's sick. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings mixed into a really potent stew, and it seems totally normal to me that you'd have trouble separating and analyzing them. You obviously like the guy on a platonic level and on a romantic one, which is always confusing to deal with; add in your urge to protect him from a lousy life and defend him from your jerk friends, and it's a complex situation. Top that with not knowing whether he would reciprocate your feelings, and it becomes even more complicated.
Everyone deals with the "I don't know if I could just be friends with this person" question. You know yourself better than anyone, but I know I never could manage it the few times I felt unrequited love. That doesn't mean you can't still make his life a little easier at school no matter what eventually happens with him -- friendship, love or otherwise.
Given this really complicated situation, I think your actions are not only normal, but admirable. It should piss you off that someone who's poor and small gets picked on, and not just because you might love him. It shows your character. If I could offer some advice, take that a step further and tell your friends to stop being dicks. They shouldn't need a reason to stop being dicks, but if they do, tell them what you saw on his back and point out that it's vicious to pick on someone who already gets hell at home. Sometimes all it takes is one person to be a decent human being to shame others into acting like it, too.
Good luck. You're dealing with a really complex set of emotions, but I admire you for handling them so well.
If he is being abused he is already probably reluctant to talk to anyone. If he is also being treated horribly at school he probably does not trust anyone at school either. So his reaction to people is not all that surprising. You are a football player correct? So he probably finds you intimidating and thinks you want to pick on him if your buddies do. You feeling pity is not going to out you as gay. However just telling them to stop is probably not going to help this guy. You seem like the only guy who is not a complete dick to him from what you said. Also noticing cuts and bruises on someone in gym is not perverted. It is something people do notice and will sometimes make remarks about.
Yeah, I'm a football player. I'm a lot bigger than he is, and my friends are assholes to him so I get why he would be reluctant to trust me. But I AM nice to him, and I try to come up with any excuse to talk to him it's just that we don't have a whole lot of overlap. How should I approach him?
I pity this guy but also really want to sleep with him. Is that sick?
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I don't think it's sick. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings mixed into a really potent stew, and it seems totally normal to me that you'd have trouble separating and analyzing them. You obviously like the guy on a platonic level and on a romantic one, which is always confusing to deal with; add in your urge to protect him from a lousy life and defend him from your jerk friends, and it's a complex situation. Top that with not knowing whether he would reciprocate your feelings, and it becomes even more complicated.
Everyone deals with the "I don't know if I could just be friends with this person" question. You know yourself better than anyone, but I know I never could manage it the few times I felt unrequited love. That doesn't mean you can't still make his life a little easier at school no matter what eventually happens with him -- friendship, love or otherwise.
Given this really complicated situation, I think your actions are not only normal, but admirable. It should piss you off that someone who's poor and small gets picked on, and not just because you might love him. It shows your character. If I could offer some advice, take that a step further and tell your friends to stop being dicks. They shouldn't need a reason to stop being dicks, but if they do, tell them what you saw on his back and point out that it's vicious to pick on someone who already gets hell at home. Sometimes all it takes is one person to be a decent human being to shame others into acting like it, too.
Good luck. You're dealing with a really complex set of emotions, but I admire you for handling them so well.
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manhattaninbox
5 years ago
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Jackieman
10 years ago
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That was beautiful!! Grateful to have read this post.
Wow, thank you.
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1000yrVampireKing
10 years ago
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If he is being abused he is already probably reluctant to talk to anyone. If he is also being treated horribly at school he probably does not trust anyone at school either. So his reaction to people is not all that surprising. You are a football player correct? So he probably finds you intimidating and thinks you want to pick on him if your buddies do. You feeling pity is not going to out you as gay. However just telling them to stop is probably not going to help this guy. You seem like the only guy who is not a complete dick to him from what you said. Also noticing cuts and bruises on someone in gym is not perverted. It is something people do notice and will sometimes make remarks about.
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cigs
10 years ago
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Jackieman
10 years ago
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if this is spelled right seriasist sometimes looks like bruises on the skin i have seen it before.
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Jackieman
10 years ago
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I'll be honest, I have no idea what that is
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cigs
10 years ago
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well the bruises can look just like a bruise small or big round circles all over the skin
or they can be a reddish color and look the
same.
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Jackieman
10 years ago
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Wow, I didn't know about that...maybe you're right, I could be overreacting.
Yeah, I'm a football player. I'm a lot bigger than he is, and my friends are assholes to him so I get why he would be reluctant to trust me. But I AM nice to him, and I try to come up with any excuse to talk to him it's just that we don't have a whole lot of overlap. How should I approach him?
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1000yrVampireKing
10 years ago
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Maybe go talk to him at lunch.