I'm very interested and disgusted at the same time. IIN?

I actually understand this. I always felt this way although Ive had a girlfriend a couple times even though I didnt want a relationship in the begining. In my last relationship it lasted 4 years and she just grew on me and we started living together. I started imagining growing old with her but at the same time I never felt like being in a relationship was what I really wanted to begin with. I started accusing of manipulating me into getting into a relationship when I didnt really want one to begin with. She dumped me last summer for that and other reasons such as she couldnt get over past problems and also she "outgrew me" and said I didnt change at all. Strangely I miss our relationship but I think if we worked things out it would be the same problems again. I dont think ill ever want to do that again though. Im not compatable with humans nor do I want to be.