I'm self-disciplined, then rarely, I completely lose it. Help?

Sometimes it's just harder to cope. It all depends on your current state of mind. Sleep deprivation can most definitely mess with your head as well, so try and rest up. This is perfectly normal. I used to trust people too easily and that's where I messed up in life, because I learned the hard way that most people can not be trusted. I have issues with keeping in touch with my friends now, because I distance myself all the time. I used to always be there for everyone and now you'll be lucky to get a reply from me the same day you message me. This is just something that kind of developed after I lost everything that mattered at the time. I think it's normal to have suicidal thoughts and urges, but please don't act on it. The world would be short one more great personality, which is terrible, because you'll meet plenty of people who will appreciate and accept your anxieties and quirks. It won't always be a great time, but just think about how lucky you are to be alive and all of which you have access to, like technology. During times of high anxiety or stress, just remind yourself that it's all in your head and you have a grip on it.