i'm sad because my grandpa killed himself.

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  • The "lord" had nothing to do with it, given that s/he/it doesn't exist.

    Suicide is a very difficult thing to deal with: do you know the reasons he killed himself? eg unbearable pain or terminal illness? If that's the case you could see it as a positive thing for him, although not for you if you miss him.

    Grief is a process which can take a long time and it's common for anger to be part of it: it will pass in time.

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