I thank you for this comment, I honestly appreciate it.
But there's one thing that gets me, is the having to lie. For me, it may not be as simple as lying until I move out...
This may sound confusing, so let me try to word this the best I can.
Because I was born into... Without going too into it, a weird situation. The people I live with are actually... One two, three generations behind me? And they both grew up in religious households.
Reason that scares me even more than say, telling plain old parents... I don't want them to die, disappointed in me, worried I'm not gonna go to heaven with them. I don't want to just come out when I move out for example, because I understand that it'll just break their hearts. I don't want them to die feeling like they didn't raise me correctly, because one of the things they always hoped was that I would grow up close to God. Imagine if you will, raising a kid for 19 years when you should be enjoying retirement, only to know they could go to eternal suffering. As a non believer that seems like nothing, but as a believer that's scary.
But I also don't want to lie to them. That will also break their hearts if they knew I was lying to them. That would hurt me a lot more than it would them, but... That also worries me.
Again, this is probably poorly worded, I apologise.
I'm questioning my faith and it's driving me insane
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I thank you for this comment, I honestly appreciate it.
But there's one thing that gets me, is the having to lie. For me, it may not be as simple as lying until I move out...
This may sound confusing, so let me try to word this the best I can.
Because I was born into... Without going too into it, a weird situation. The people I live with are actually... One two, three generations behind me? And they both grew up in religious households.
Reason that scares me even more than say, telling plain old parents... I don't want them to die, disappointed in me, worried I'm not gonna go to heaven with them. I don't want to just come out when I move out for example, because I understand that it'll just break their hearts. I don't want them to die feeling like they didn't raise me correctly, because one of the things they always hoped was that I would grow up close to God. Imagine if you will, raising a kid for 19 years when you should be enjoying retirement, only to know they could go to eternal suffering. As a non believer that seems like nothing, but as a believer that's scary.
But I also don't want to lie to them. That will also break their hearts if they knew I was lying to them. That would hurt me a lot more than it would them, but... That also worries me.
Again, this is probably poorly worded, I apologise.