My personal opinion is that Christianity is equally as unprovable and undeniable as science. Here is the thing, science and rational thinking came about hundreds of years after Christ. Abrahamic religions were born of a very different version of truth than the one we know today. It was an oral truth that encompassed a softer form of logic filled with metaphors and expression as we see throughout the first and second testament. The first was entirely oral for centuries before it was first transcribed. The way truth functioned then and still does for religious thinkers was based in tradition. If your mother believed it, her mother believed it, etcetera what more proof do you need? And bigger questions were always given to those in positions of religious authority. The rabbis, and later the Christian scholars and higher members of the church. The concept that an individual decides for themselves what is true came much much later and brings with it many problems. Where as judeo-christian texts have been studied far over 1000 years, we have new ideas of what the world is every single day. This is the trade off from a logical perspective between religious and a more modern form of thinking.
But science is also born out of Christianity and carries with it some unprovable assumptions such as the transitive nature of instances occuring across the universe (laws) and that modernization is good. At first glance we see great things like polio vaccine and discoveries about hygiene and antibiotics. Then upon closer look we see chemical warfare, nuclear weaponry, extreme poverty, social stratification, I'll stop here as I'll admit I am biased on this point. And on this next one that Christians have been some of the most incredible people I've met in my entire life.
I personally was raised a Jew, and rejected religion entirely when I was 12. It is quite easy to stop believing in hell for example as you're finding.
But I don't believe in atheism either as a way for people to live in modern society. I don't believe in its cynicism and cold rationality any more than I do the gods of religions I wasn't raised with. God can always exist, this science cannot disprove.
But when he has attributes and actions and you apply modern thinking to ancient stories of course they do not align though many try to do this.
Religion provides a much richer way of life than following logic.
Logic becomes your god, and it is not a god who loves you. Because it is not god.
I believe as people we must surrender our will to some higher force. And I believe God is far superior to science and logic.
That being said I have rejected this god a long time ago, and there are of course more than two options.
I don't believe in any religions but science is completely wrong and science itself will tell you this.
I have no idea what is real or how to access truth or if this is our job.
Maybe this is too many religions but there is a line from the Tao The Ching which says "those who know don't say, those who say don't know".
Also being 19 sucks, there is too much anxiety already, you don't have to figure all of this out right now. You are not the first one to doubt your faith, and if you look to those who study the old testament deeply, doubt and questioning is welcomed and done every day through biblical study in Jerusalem. Most sects of Christianity did away with this, perhaps rightfully so. But questioning the word of God is as old as the word itself and welcomed by many who seek to know it.
If you do not come out an atheist, in which case you won't fear god anyways, this will only deepen your faith so nothing to worry about.
I will just also add this would be a very bad time to choose to begin smoking marijuana if you have not already
I'm questioning my faith and it's driving me insane
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My personal opinion is that Christianity is equally as unprovable and undeniable as science. Here is the thing, science and rational thinking came about hundreds of years after Christ. Abrahamic religions were born of a very different version of truth than the one we know today. It was an oral truth that encompassed a softer form of logic filled with metaphors and expression as we see throughout the first and second testament. The first was entirely oral for centuries before it was first transcribed. The way truth functioned then and still does for religious thinkers was based in tradition. If your mother believed it, her mother believed it, etcetera what more proof do you need? And bigger questions were always given to those in positions of religious authority. The rabbis, and later the Christian scholars and higher members of the church. The concept that an individual decides for themselves what is true came much much later and brings with it many problems. Where as judeo-christian texts have been studied far over 1000 years, we have new ideas of what the world is every single day. This is the trade off from a logical perspective between religious and a more modern form of thinking.
But science is also born out of Christianity and carries with it some unprovable assumptions such as the transitive nature of instances occuring across the universe (laws) and that modernization is good. At first glance we see great things like polio vaccine and discoveries about hygiene and antibiotics. Then upon closer look we see chemical warfare, nuclear weaponry, extreme poverty, social stratification, I'll stop here as I'll admit I am biased on this point. And on this next one that Christians have been some of the most incredible people I've met in my entire life.
I personally was raised a Jew, and rejected religion entirely when I was 12. It is quite easy to stop believing in hell for example as you're finding.
But I don't believe in atheism either as a way for people to live in modern society. I don't believe in its cynicism and cold rationality any more than I do the gods of religions I wasn't raised with. God can always exist, this science cannot disprove.
But when he has attributes and actions and you apply modern thinking to ancient stories of course they do not align though many try to do this.
Religion provides a much richer way of life than following logic.
Logic becomes your god, and it is not a god who loves you. Because it is not god.
I believe as people we must surrender our will to some higher force. And I believe God is far superior to science and logic.
That being said I have rejected this god a long time ago, and there are of course more than two options.
I don't believe in any religions but science is completely wrong and science itself will tell you this.
I have no idea what is real or how to access truth or if this is our job.
Maybe this is too many religions but there is a line from the Tao The Ching which says "those who know don't say, those who say don't know".
Also being 19 sucks, there is too much anxiety already, you don't have to figure all of this out right now. You are not the first one to doubt your faith, and if you look to those who study the old testament deeply, doubt and questioning is welcomed and done every day through biblical study in Jerusalem. Most sects of Christianity did away with this, perhaps rightfully so. But questioning the word of God is as old as the word itself and welcomed by many who seek to know it.
If you do not come out an atheist, in which case you won't fear god anyways, this will only deepen your faith so nothing to worry about.
I will just also add this would be a very bad time to choose to begin smoking marijuana if you have not already