I'm in a relationship but have erotic dreams of my ex and i

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5 Comments

When I was 17 I met an amazing guy who was 20 at that time. We ended up going out and he became my first love. We were together a year and a half before he split up with me coz he thought I was "too young" for him and he couldn't juggle our relationship with his already too busy life. I was incredibly heartbroken, I had truly fallen in love with him and for him to break up with me from out the blue (coz he'd never hinted at any of those things before) was really gutting for me.

I was 19 when we split up. I went abroad for three months to try to forget him and to visit family. I thought I was over him but when I got back home I had so many reminders of our time together so my resolve to forget him totally broke. Then I kept bumping into him and he wanted to meet up, and to cut a long story short he wanted to get back with me. Stupidly, I allowed it. A few months after that we sort-of mutually split up coz I was starting uni.

I let it go but I still liked him alot even though I hated him so much at the same time for breaking my heart. I met someone else a couple of months after we split up, and I've been with this new person ever since. We've been together nearly a year but recently I've been having really erotic dreams of my ex and I, and I feel like I shouldn't be with anyone if my mind cheats on my boyfriend like that.

I feel so so bad. It's not like I want to dream about it, but my mind won't stop when I sleep. I think I might still love my ex on some level. I don't feel comfortable being with someone if I still think of my ex like that, but I love my boyfriend now and I don't want to be without him.

Is this normal? Do people still dream about their first loves even if they're married or in a relationship or whatever? Can it be called cheating?

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago | pl

    Sure they have those dreams - that is not cheating. I dream of some of my old girlfriends from waaaay back! So what? It is just part of life experience encoded in the brain that gets revisited unconsciously in dream land.

    What may be bothering you is what you wake up to. I believe that you do love your new boyfriend. But you are still pretty close to the previous relationship and break up.

    Try to cut yourself some slack - these are feelings, and unlike changing your mind or events, they need more time to square themselves away. Give yourself that time. And don't judge your current relationship by your residual feelings.

    PS - I did wonder if there was something really missing in this new relationship and that that may stir up feelings for the previous. But I think you would know that.

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    • [Old Memory]
      13 years ago | pl

      fuckmy wife but don't expect me to like her ass. Good enough sje fusks others.

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  • SandyGun5555
    8 years ago | pl

    Why don't you smoke some weed?

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  • blaze87
    8 years ago | pl

    Unfortunately that is a side effect of having erotic feelings outside of the marriage relationship. This cannot be totally avoided according to my experience as I had erotic feelings as a young teen to the point of orgasm about fantasies of a blond woman in a red one piece, with no pictures or person of reference or anything! It is better to marry and be with someone than to just burn with lust.

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  • stealinsugars
    13 years ago | pl

    Great advice from Ollieo. Dreams are not something you can control. It's not unusual to wonder what might have been, but I think you already know that there is no future in the past. Think about what Ollieo said about there being something missing. Is it something you can adjust to? This may sound silly, but one thing I missed about my ex was his ability to sense when I was thirsty or hungry. I never had to ask him to stop for a soda. He looked at me and just knew. I tlod you it was silly, but I missed that. If you're missing something "bigger" than that, it may be time to step back and take a look at your new relationship. You never forget your first love. You just need to allow your heart time to heal.

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