I'm attracted to my cousin

Ok when I was younger my cousin use to make me do stuff w/ him I'm talking like 6 years old.. And as we got Older he use to do stuff to me while I was "sleeping" or he'd ask me to do stuff.. He would even pull his penis out in front of me... And he has stopped doing that in the past two years now I always want him to do that stuff ... I'm almost 18 now... Is it weird I feel that way I'm so confused ?