First, on the children thing, some may say you're being selfish or shallow, but I think you're being sensible. Being a step-father can be great if the kids, mother and her new man all happen to mesh together neatly. More often, it's very complicated and stressful. Are you the kid(s) new dad, or are you just a man who lives in their house? Are you a buddy, or do you take on all parental roles, both good and bad? What do you do when you find yourself on the side of the child, not the mother, in some disagreement? Do you support the kid because you think it's right, or do you back her up and risk alienating the kids who feel no natural sense of connection to you?
Working out a long-term relationship with one other person is too difficult for many people. Toss into the equation one or more emotionally immature people carrying all sorts of baggage from their mommy and daddy's break-up, and it can get hellish complicated.
That sucks for single parents, but it's the reality.
As for your girlfriend, it seems to me that she's the one who has to decide when and if her family knows about you. That's not your call. It's her family, she knows them and you have to respect her decision not to say anything.
Maybe she knows from past experience that she'll always get flak from them about her boyfriends, no matter how wonderful they might be. Maybe she wants to be able to tell them that you've been together for two years, and say that this proves you're not just a player.
You want her to be comfortable at home. Presumably, she does too. Respect the fact that she has decided that not saying anything about you makes her home-life more comfortable than introducing you would.
She may look back in a few years and wish she had said something about you sooner, but you've made it clear you'd be happy to meet them and she's the one who made the decision.
You say you've been in a relationship for seven years, and that suggests you have at least some emotional maturity. Think about why this is important TO YOU. Respect her decision on this. Don't pester her about it. Mention it only very occasionally, and never in tense times.
I'm 29... She is 19. It's been 8 months her parents still don't know
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First, on the children thing, some may say you're being selfish or shallow, but I think you're being sensible. Being a step-father can be great if the kids, mother and her new man all happen to mesh together neatly. More often, it's very complicated and stressful. Are you the kid(s) new dad, or are you just a man who lives in their house? Are you a buddy, or do you take on all parental roles, both good and bad? What do you do when you find yourself on the side of the child, not the mother, in some disagreement? Do you support the kid because you think it's right, or do you back her up and risk alienating the kids who feel no natural sense of connection to you?
Working out a long-term relationship with one other person is too difficult for many people. Toss into the equation one or more emotionally immature people carrying all sorts of baggage from their mommy and daddy's break-up, and it can get hellish complicated.
That sucks for single parents, but it's the reality.
As for your girlfriend, it seems to me that she's the one who has to decide when and if her family knows about you. That's not your call. It's her family, she knows them and you have to respect her decision not to say anything.
Maybe she knows from past experience that she'll always get flak from them about her boyfriends, no matter how wonderful they might be. Maybe she wants to be able to tell them that you've been together for two years, and say that this proves you're not just a player.
You want her to be comfortable at home. Presumably, she does too. Respect the fact that she has decided that not saying anything about you makes her home-life more comfortable than introducing you would.
She may look back in a few years and wish she had said something about you sooner, but you've made it clear you'd be happy to meet them and she's the one who made the decision.
You say you've been in a relationship for seven years, and that suggests you have at least some emotional maturity. Think about why this is important TO YOU. Respect her decision on this. Don't pester her about it. Mention it only very occasionally, and never in tense times.