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I'm a guy. I love my girlfriend very much, and I want to marry her eventually. However, she's the only girl I've ever had sex with in my life, and I don't want to die having only been with one girl, so what do I do? I suppose I could suggest a threesome, but what if she says no?
If you're having doubts about your relationship talk to her. If you stay with her and don't talk to her about these things you could have regrets and come to (unfairly) resent her for it later. Telling her how you feel will let her make an informed decision about the situation along with you. You never know, she may have similar feelings. Holding onto a relationship that you don't find fulfilling out of fear of ending up with nothing isn't fair to you or her. Being honest and communicating is really the best thing for both of you.
and after he tells her that: "he wants to have sex with another woman before he dies" makes her feel that she is bad in bed and that she doesnt satisfy his needs enough or even worse that he doesnt love her..
not the best idea but you might go for a one night stand someday ...
difficult question
By choice, I have only had intercourse with my wife. She is all I need. If you truly love her, she should be all you need.
I won't lie and say I've never ever felt the same way, but I'm young and don't really think about it. I think it's natural to want to have sex with as many people as you can, because that's just evolution. It depends if that need is more important to you than she is.
You only have two choices: You either dump her and sleep with other girls, or you suck it up and deal with screwing one chick. A threesome always makes things awkward. She's either worth the monogamy or she's not.
See if you can strike an agreement with her, you play the field a little bit and she plays the field a little bit. I do not agree with the other posters on here: sex does not = love. If this happens and you two go around having some meaningless sex for a while eventually both of you will realize that its just sex and that there is no reason to build relationships with other people based only on sex. And then you will *want* to be faithful to each other, and not just feel *obligated* to be faithful..if you really love each other. Also, if the fact that she is sleeping with other men drives you crazy *even though* you're sleeping with other women, then you know that you love her.
But don't cheat on her. If you pitch this idea to her and she is not ok with it, then tell her that you can't go any longer without knowing what could be, so you need a break from the committed relationship. Or you could just suck it up. But don't cheat on her. Horrible idea.
Thank you. I get so annoyed with the "You don't really love this person if..." that seems to be so common on here. We're all different, and anyone who thinks that sex = love has never actually hooked up. There's a huge difference between a fling and something meaningful, and this is coming from a woman.
One thing though, I don't necessarily think that jealousy = love either. I choose open relationships in part becasue I don't feel right tying the other person down... if I love them I want them to be as free as they can be, not lock them in with rules and traditions. I want them to be happy, and yeah I might have my moments but for the most part I'm not a jealous person at all, but I am a very loving one.
Only time I really struggled with jealousy was with my ex. He had set some ground rules for me (make it clear you're just having fun with other partners, never share a bed, don't make it more emotional without clearing it with me etc) and I followed them. He broke them all with one girl, told her that it was the distance that kept him from being with her and didn't even mention me. That's about the only time I really felt jealous, because he had set those rules for the arrangement but considered himself exempt.
Touche, jealousy does not = love. But the reason why I prefer fidelity in committed relationships is mainly because it seems to be about trust and honesty and mutual respect, and your boyfriend totally violated that. Which is why I think open relationships teeter on a razor's edge- even though sex does not = love, it is a very intimate thing. So some people are easily attached to those with whom they have sex.
So, rather than trying to make the relationship open, I would say OP just tell his girl that he wants to take a break until he is ready to be fully committed. Or just suck it up. Less messy
I totally agree with this, although how much do you want to bet the girlfriend aint too happy when he proposes the idea of sleeping around? :P
Oh no no no ..... being "driven crazy" if she sleeps with other men DOES NOT mean he loves her, it just means he's jealous - not the same thing!
You're obviously clear on the fact that sex doesn't equal love or vice versa, well jealousy doesn't equal love either
Who cares, if you say you love her then that's all that matters. If you really are thinking about having sex with other women, you don't truly love her.
This is not true at all. Ever heard of polyamory? It's possible and even natural (from a biological standpoint) to be attracted to more than one person. It's possible to love two people at once. I've never been in a polyamorous relationship but I've been in open ones. I'm sure if things had worked out with my ex we would've ended up with a third at some point. I'm not saying it's right for everyone, but just because you have one version of sex and love that feels right for you doesn't mean everyone else had to adhere to it.
I DO have one version of sex and love that feels right to me, you are right about that.
Maybe I was a bit hasty with my judgements. Looking back, I think it's normal to think about such things, but to actually go through with them is wrong unless that is the type of thing you believe in (I personally don't). I think it needs to be agreed upon by both parties from the beginning though for it to be acceptable, and I think you may have even mentioned that on here if I remember correctly.
Exactly. :) It's not wrong, it's just not for everyone. I know I've mentioned it in other threads here before, being one of the only poly people on this website I feel I have a bit of a responsibility to inform people of the other side of the coin, because it's not something that's often discussed in a positive light.
I'll always say cheating is wrong, but having a mutual arrangement that falls outside the boundaries of our normal socialization isn't. No hard feelings or anything, I know you well enough to know you're a pretty understanding person. :) I see a lot of inflammatory posts toward this kind of lifestyle (though almost never from the regulars) and I just want to help them feel like they're not so alone.
So loving someone means you NEVER think about sex with anyone else? Yeah, right, which country are you living in?
I would not suggest sleeping around. I am 33, and was married at 25. The marriage only lasted for two years. It started with sex, though a different issue than you are having. This is a decision that you will have to make for yourself. Whether you are 40 and an attractive coworker comes onto you, or a 24 year old that has only been with 1 woman, it's self-control. Your decision.
It's normal to wonder what you may be missing out on, but cheating on your girlfriend would be wrong. What you choose to do depends on which is more important--sexual opportunities, or your relationship. If you break up with her and discover the grass isn't always greener on the other side, would you still be at peace with that decision?
Alternately, you could try to compromise with a threesome, but be prepared for her to react negatively. It may cause a rift in your relationship. On the other hand, if she says yes, but asks for a MMF threesome, would you be OK with that? If the answer is no, then polyamory is probably not for you.
Watch a 3sum porno with her and just try to bring it up while watching it but have a back out plan. Like if she says hell no then just back out of asking. Btw I'm a girl and I've had guys in your shoes.
Are you saying she won't mind the threesome ? Doesn't she feel jealous ?
In my own experience, when I have a girlfriend I miss the social freedom of the single life and when I'm single I miss having a girlfriend. Its the side of us that wants what we can't have. Just don't cheat on her, its not cool.
why can't you be happy by having sex with her only???why the hell do guys need to have sex with more than one woman?
This is why I don't trust men. They always abuse love given to them for sex. Sex only lasts three minutes, love lasts a lifetime. People need to get their priorities straight. I hope you miss her one day and she would already have moved on.
Dump that broad, and go find yourself a nasty submissive bitch. It will change your mind about everything.
First never works out, so don't do anything because you'll be with someone else in the next few years anyway.
fuck that if u really love her u would be happy enough to have sex with her!! duuhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Hey ya all. Ok me and my girl been going out for a year now, in the beginning everything was fired-up and going strong. We love each other to bits she don't mess around and we trust one another fully! The past 2 months she's doing things she never done before like shopping for g-strings, she used to hate them but now its sexy. She buy books (2) of "Sleeping in my bosses bed" and she complain bout " our love is to tight, I need space " wtf? She never hugs first, kiss, cuddle, foreplay nothing, if I don't do it then no one will. Pls help
Get her to give you plenty of bjs. And if all else fails. Ease her into some anal. But dontbe like my bf and be all sucky at eating out. You giver head as much as she gives it to you, just so you get some practice. Maybe talk about some fantasies together. Worked for me. I introduced him to a dream i had that included 3 other ladies, prior to engaging in coitus. It worked wonders! Results may vary.
Sneak out and fuck another girl...
That's all I can say.
But that's cheating and cheating is really pathetic and lame. Sorry
Ask her... if you are certain it won't cause a rift in your relationship.
The worst that can happen, is she says NO!
OP probably doesn't even have a girlfriend...
Have fun masturbating to this post.
Cheat on her ..but do not be dumb and fuck the fist girl you see ..find someone outside your city and make it a one night stand like a boss..it is our nature to cheat, humans we were no meant to be with one parner forever
Unlike society makes you believe, it isn't human to be involved with just one single person your entire life...
You're probably young. Wait a couple of years and you'll see, you're not gonna be madly in love with her forever - it's not even scientifically possible.
Well at least in my own personal opinion you'll be missing out a LOT in life if you decide to be with this person only until the end. It's not just about sex, it's about life experience and self-development... And I hardly think she'll be up for a threesome; young girls in love, unless really wild, prefer not to share their men. Besides your reasons for wanting something like that aren't really good. If you don't wanna sleep with just one girl - which I agree you shouldn't - just wait until you get tired of dating her, or cheat (but only if guaranteed she won't find out)