I live in my uncle's guest room?

I'm a 24 year old man. I'm unemployed, and have never been employed, because I'm finishing college, and am very fearful that I'm likely not good enough at life yet to work and study full time at the same time without either my grades or my paycheck going down the toilet. The reason I don't need to work to pay for school is because I was lucky enough to receive heavy enough financial aid owing to good performance that my mother was able to pay the rest of my way through by herself. The reason I can't afford to let my grades drop or stop attending full time is because if I did either of those things then my financial aid would be curbed drastically, and I lack the necessary experience, credentials, and connections to get a good enough job to make up the difference.

Since I do still need somewhere to live, I was living with my mother until recently. I say "until recently" because six or seven months ago, my mother unexpectedly died. Living with my father is not an option because my father is abusive. I can't afford to live anywhere off my own plate, either; currently, the entirety of that is going to tuition. The only two places I could live other than with my uncle are on campus or on the street. I missed the deadline for the prior, because I thought I'd submitted my housing application but it turned out it actually hadn't gone through, and though the latter is sometimes tempting considering I need to lose weight, it probably wouldn't be worth it. Not to mention it might ruin my grades all the same.

My uncle is okay with me living in his guest room for now, since he doesn't really use it for anything anyway. Also, since my mother was his sister, and my grandmother has also recently died, who was his mother, he says under the circumstances he appreciates the company. We agree that I'll move out as soon as I can, which should be in about a year.

Even so, I feel so guilty about this. I feel like I'm not a real adult and I never have been. I am finally having the opportunity to pick up some real financial responsibility, but it's not even money I've rightfully earned, it's just my mother's life savings. I feel like I'm a moocher, a manchild, and a complete mess, and I just don't know what I can do to escape the circumstances that make me so.

Is my behavior normal given my situation? Am I really just a lazy bum? What, if anything, could I be doing differently? I just don't understand.

Voting Results
90% Normal
Based on 10 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

    well when yall gits a payin job yall can contribute more

    make sure yall tells him yall appreciates the arrangement

    mebbe do some stuff like cleanin the gutters or mowin the lawn to help out

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  • Ellenna

    Please stop beating yourself up! Can you try focussing on feeling gratitude for what you're receiving rather than feeling guilty about it? You can make up for it somehow when you're able to.

    Is it possible you're not dealing with grief about your mother's death? Just a thought.........

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