I just don't want to

talk to a therapist or consultant

Call a free number in your country or area where you can speak to a professional who listens when you are feeling really low and suicidal. In England we have a number called samaritans try and find a alternative :) good luck

I would recommend not being alone. Go out with friends if you don't have friends make friends if you find difficulty in making friends start small just talk to people. Don't let yourself be separate from the rest of the world. If you want something even smaller talk to people online. Hell if you want send me a message . We are all just people and everyone has their own insecurities nothing to be afraid of who knows you'll find people with similar insecurities and can help each other out. Good luck

Rant away sir

You need to get help for yourself, dear heart.