I hooked up with my cousins a girl and a boy

Hi everyone,

So a long time ago when I was maybe 12 or 13 i forget the exact age because it has been so long, i am 22 now, I hooked up with both of my cousins seperatly. One was a boy and the other a girl, and they were both siblings. I myself am a guy btw. my girl cousin and I were always very close and it always seemed like she liked me and I felt the same about her. She grew up in pakistan and would visit every now and then and during one of their visits we ended up hooking up. Afterwards we agreed to never talk about it and we haven't but for a long time and even now I feel like she still has feelings for me and vice versa. She got married a year ago and is now having a kid and I still have feelings for her sometimes.

As for my guy cousin we kinda just experimented during the same time period. We never talked about it outside of when it was happening and now I feel like I can't even look him in the eyes now.

I've feel like I have been haunted by this ever since it happened and I am getting scared that I will have to live with this for the rest of my life. It is a very scary feeling. I wrote all this because I need someone to know at this point and someone to say something about it to me.