I hooked up with a girl and i don't know what to do.

11 Comments

So last weekend i went to a house party, i was there having the time of my life. Later on one of my friends who happens to be a girl shows up, we talk and play beer pong like normal friends would, nothing special no spark or anything. So we all decide to go to bed so me her and her friend all sleep on a bed with me in the middle. So we were all spooning to stay warm and so everybody could fit on the bed. IN the middle of the night i kinda woke up??? i don't really know how to explain it... but i was going to town fingering her. i couldn't tell if she was sleeping so i kinda freaked out because i don't want to be a rapist or anything, so i stopped and immediately got off the bed. She kinda moaned and moved around a bit but i couldn't tell if she was sleeping or awake. So I've seen her multiple times, when we woke up to leave, the next day at another party, and at school. And she hasn't said a word to me, but thats not too out of the ordinary. What i want to know is, do you think she knows what we did? should i accept what i did? and what should i do next?

Talk too her and apologize 26
Talk to her and try to get with her 22
Pretend like it didn't happen 20
Talk to her again at the next party 14
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 11 )
  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Groping on someone when they're presumably unconscious isn't a good thing to do. I wouldn't bring any of this up to her and I wouldn't do that shit to her or anyone else who's passed out ever again.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • bignative
      9 years ago

      i didn't do it on purpose thats the thing, what i can remember is me waking up kinda, i don't know how to explain it but then once i realized what i was doing i freaked out and stopped... what I'm worried about is if she knew what happened and she tells people what i did.... my reputation would be ruined i would feel so bad and be so embarrassed.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        9 years ago

        Well, that makes sense. Give it some time to see if she acts any differently before you talk to her. If and when you do talk to her try not to be overly explicit about it so as not to freak her out.

        Is is there any possibility you could have been dreaming about all of this?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • bignative
          9 years ago

          no chance it was a dream... and thanks but its scary do you understand where I'm coming from???

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • davesumba
            9 years ago

            I know exactly where you are coming from, same kind of thing happened to me one time when I was hammered. But the thing is, you weren't sleeping, you were drunk, and your judgement was clouded.

            You have to be extra careful in situations like this when you are drunk. She knows, and was probably semi awake but just too drunk to do anything about it, and now she will probably never speak to you again.

            As far as telling her about it, you have 2 choices. Not tell her and hope that she was asleep and never noticed, but in the future it may come back to bite you in the ass when you find out she does remember what happened, and has been bottling up emotions for a while with no explanation from you. Or you can talk to her about it and try to patch things up.
            I don't drink much, but it amazes me how my friends can get drunk and just be complete and total assholes to eachother and get in huge fights, but the next day they make up and its like nothing happened, because "it was just the alcohol." So maybe she's like that, idk.
            Just learn from your mistakes and keep this in the back of your mind next time you are drinking and decide to sleep next to a girl.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • Sog
    9 years ago

    You should be worried about a lot more than your reputation.

    What you did amounts to rape. And hearing the account that you've just given, any court would convict you of rape and put you in prison.

    I don't say that to put you down or try to make you out to be a bad guy, but that's just a matter of fact.

    You could say nothing. And maybe that will be the end of it. Maybe she knows though and you will always be "that guy who raped me and I was too scared or ashamed to tell anyone about". Is this something that you want to have weighing on your conscience?

    You should come forward and tell her what happened. That's the right thing to do.

    And the other half of this is that, in coming forward, if you do happen to find yourself in court one day defending against charges of rape, at least you can explain that you knew it was wrong and acted remorsefully. Because I guarantee if it comes to that point and you've said nothing, they will put you in prison for this.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • tripw7
      9 years ago

      You are giving very bad advise. I have a law degree and you are on the wrong side of reality.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      -1
      -1
        -
      • bleach_baby
        9 years ago

        You have a law degree and you don't know how to spell advice, and you also don't know that 'rape' means 'non-consensual sex'?

        The girl didn't consent to sex, so what the OP did was molestation. You're full of shit.

        OP - I had a somewhat similar experience with a male friend. He'd tried to get with me before, knew I wasn't interested, we then became good friends. One night he came to visit me, we stayed out clubbing and he missed his bus home, which I was super pissed about as I hadn't wanted him to stay over (because I knew he was attracted to me). Nevertheless I wasn't gonna make him sleep on the street, so he came back with me, seemed to pass out on my bed. I stayed up, finished my beer, then got into bed next to him fully-clothed. I woke up in pain, completely naked, with him fingering me, and freaked the fuck out and told him to get out of my house. He said he'd thought I was making noises like I was enjoying it - I was passed out, and he'd misinterpreted my moans of pain for moans of pleasure. I know this is a more extreme example than what you did, as he knew I didn;t like him in that way, but I do believe that when a guy is turned on they hear what they want to hear - and that when a girl is unconscious, she doesn't know what is going on. Even if she WAS moaning in pleasure, she was asleep, dude. I told my "friend" to GTFO before I called the police. I don't think you intentionally did something bad, but I think you misinterpreted what happened really badly.

        As a girl who has been on the receiving end of something similar, if I were her I would appreciate it if you talked to me, apologised, and explained that you misunderstood the situation, were drunk, and hope everything's cool between you.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
  • tripw7
    9 years ago

    Please don't take "Sog's" advice. If there are no witnesses, you don't admit anything. There was no sex here and you acted appropriately. Talk to her when you see her. You have nothing to be guilty of.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
      -
    • Sog
      9 years ago

      Fondling someone while they are incapacitated is 100% rape. Seriously, they throw the book at you for stuff like this.

      There was that high school rape case last year where those two guys fondled a drunk girl and posted pictures on twitter. The guy who posted the pictures got two years and his friend who also fondled her got a year.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • bignative
    9 years ago

    to everbody who commeneted, thankyou... me and her are once again good friends, and talk quite often, I've actually have been to 3 parties with her since then

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0